Still Losing this Battle
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 42
Still Losing this Battle
This is Gary, I haven't posted in a long while. I've been an alcoholic for about 13 years. I used to be able to stay sober for at least a day or two but not anymore.
I can't be a father to my 3 year old because I'm always preoccupied with my next drink - how can I sneak it in the house so my wife doesn't know.
My whole life revolves around my drinking at the end of the day. I work a job I hate. I've been late almost everyday anyway.
I don't want to go to meetings. From reading AA literature it makes me want to drink more. The cravings for booze are too much to handle. I simply must drink to cope with daily stress.
I guess I don't know why I'm posting. I just need to vent. Alcohol is destroying me, not only as a person, but as a husband and father.
Even as I'm typing this, I'm thinming of when 5pm rolls around and I can drink. Sad, I know.
I can't be a father to my 3 year old because I'm always preoccupied with my next drink - how can I sneak it in the house so my wife doesn't know.
My whole life revolves around my drinking at the end of the day. I work a job I hate. I've been late almost everyday anyway.
I don't want to go to meetings. From reading AA literature it makes me want to drink more. The cravings for booze are too much to handle. I simply must drink to cope with daily stress.
I guess I don't know why I'm posting. I just need to vent. Alcohol is destroying me, not only as a person, but as a husband and father.
Even as I'm typing this, I'm thinming of when 5pm rolls around and I can drink. Sad, I know.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 78
Hi Gary,
I've been reading from the people here that until we want to be sober more than we want to drink, we won't stop drinking.
I think it sounds to me like you don't really believe you can stop. Well...I firmly believe that ALL of us can stop and it's NEVER too late. You're no exception - you can stop and you will when you're ready.
Coming to this board helps get me through the day/my cravings. I'm only on day 5 and they aren't lying when they say "one day at a time". Gosh, sometimes it feels like 1 hour at a time.
Hang in there. Make today day 1.
I've been reading from the people here that until we want to be sober more than we want to drink, we won't stop drinking.
I think it sounds to me like you don't really believe you can stop. Well...I firmly believe that ALL of us can stop and it's NEVER too late. You're no exception - you can stop and you will when you're ready.
Coming to this board helps get me through the day/my cravings. I'm only on day 5 and they aren't lying when they say "one day at a time". Gosh, sometimes it feels like 1 hour at a time.
Hang in there. Make today day 1.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 638
Welcome Gary, sometimes coming on here and venting can really help. Most of us have been where you are right now. With determination and the right support system (wether AA, books, out-patiant treament....) you can stop. It is hard at first but feels wonderful to not have to deal with that next drink all the time.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Sorry to hear that, Gary. I found a solution within the rooms of AA, but you've made it clear that isn't an option.
I don't recall having a craving in almost 20 years now. Freedom from alcoholism is a beautiful thing.
I don't recall having a craving in almost 20 years now. Freedom from alcoholism is a beautiful thing.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: chico, ca
Posts: 321
Welcome bro,
When you set the stage to drink, your options are limited. But what if you didn't drink? Now if you've been drinking alot for a long time then medical supervision is advisable. There are treatment facilities and detoxes there in you area that you can go to. All I'm saying is that most of the people on this forum had that same choice to make. You can do it. We did. Instead of setting yourself up for failure, try to think that you too can have a life of sobriety. It all starts with that choice, and I agree with Kjell, a meeting can sway the thought. Good Luck and God Bless
When you set the stage to drink, your options are limited. But what if you didn't drink? Now if you've been drinking alot for a long time then medical supervision is advisable. There are treatment facilities and detoxes there in you area that you can go to. All I'm saying is that most of the people on this forum had that same choice to make. You can do it. We did. Instead of setting yourself up for failure, try to think that you too can have a life of sobriety. It all starts with that choice, and I agree with Kjell, a meeting can sway the thought. Good Luck and God Bless
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hi Gary - I was never able to stop either. It was like I had two people living in my head and the alcoholic one kept winning out. Life seemed so overwhelming. Alot of that daily stress, however, is due to the depression/anxiety that drinking puts us through every day. Have you ever considered inpatient treatment to give you a head start?
It wasn't until I knew that I wanted to save my life, that I was able to put sobriety first. I hope you can find what you need to get sober because it can only get worse.
It wasn't until I knew that I wanted to save my life, that I was able to put sobriety first. I hope you can find what you need to get sober because it can only get worse.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Michigan
Posts: 758
Gary don't take this the wrong way because I think we all know how you feel and have been there ourselves....but Self Pity is a strong tool we alcoholics use to justify our drinking. And as long as you stay in that state of mind nothing will change.
You have to ask yourself, are you ready to stop? ....Drinking because of the stress in your everyday life is a common thing we say to make it seem okay to continue drinking, but isn't the stress that drinking is causing you 10 times worse then the normal everyday stress without drinking?
With a 3yr old son and wife it sounds to me like you have some good reasons to want to make a better life for yourself. You need to ask yourself what it's going to take to get you to stop, how low do you want it to get? because no matter how low you think things are right now, trust me they can always get worse.
I don't think anyone here really wants to have to go to meetings or do the work it takes to stay sober, but after 13 yrs I think you have proven to yourself that you can't do it on your own. So maybe trying a new way (AA, treatment, counselor, etc etc) would give you the helping hand you need to change things.
Best of luck.
Steve
You have to ask yourself, are you ready to stop? ....Drinking because of the stress in your everyday life is a common thing we say to make it seem okay to continue drinking, but isn't the stress that drinking is causing you 10 times worse then the normal everyday stress without drinking?
With a 3yr old son and wife it sounds to me like you have some good reasons to want to make a better life for yourself. You need to ask yourself what it's going to take to get you to stop, how low do you want it to get? because no matter how low you think things are right now, trust me they can always get worse.
I don't think anyone here really wants to have to go to meetings or do the work it takes to stay sober, but after 13 yrs I think you have proven to yourself that you can't do it on your own. So maybe trying a new way (AA, treatment, counselor, etc etc) would give you the helping hand you need to change things.
Best of luck.
Steve
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 48
Gary, you remind me of the episode of Intervention I saw last night - "Bret." I looked for it online because I had hoped that you could watch it, but I came up empty.
Bret was an alcoholic for 10 years. He ruined his job and his marriage and his relationship with his kids through the alcoholism. He, too, couldn't be a father to his kids because of his drinking. The scenes where his kids are hysterically crying, begging for their Dad to get help, is gut wrenching. Eventually, Bret does get help, and he is sober 104 days - until he dies unexpectedly of esophageal cancer, undoubtedly a result of his excessive drinking.
I do not have kids, but it is hard for me to believe that someone could turn their back to their crying kids begging for help, as Bret did originally. Please, get help NOW before you ruin your relationship with your kids. It's not worth it. Go see a doctor or go to a detox and then do a rehab program and get a running start. Yes it will suck at first and yes you will want to drink but it will be better in the long run if you deal with this NOW.
Bret was an alcoholic for 10 years. He ruined his job and his marriage and his relationship with his kids through the alcoholism. He, too, couldn't be a father to his kids because of his drinking. The scenes where his kids are hysterically crying, begging for their Dad to get help, is gut wrenching. Eventually, Bret does get help, and he is sober 104 days - until he dies unexpectedly of esophageal cancer, undoubtedly a result of his excessive drinking.
I do not have kids, but it is hard for me to believe that someone could turn their back to their crying kids begging for help, as Bret did originally. Please, get help NOW before you ruin your relationship with your kids. It's not worth it. Go see a doctor or go to a detox and then do a rehab program and get a running start. Yes it will suck at first and yes you will want to drink but it will be better in the long run if you deal with this NOW.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 638
Originally Posted by qs4thinking 
Gary, you remind me of the episode of Intervention I saw last night - "Bret." I looked for it online because I had hoped that you could watch it, but I came up empty.
Bret was an alcoholic for 10 years. He ruined his job and his marriage and his relationship with his kids through the alcoholism. He, too, couldn't be a father to his kids because of his drinking. The scenes where his kids are hysterically crying, begging for their Dad to get help, is gut wrenching. Eventually, Bret does get help, and he is sober 104 days - until he dies unexpectedly of esophageal cancer, undoubtedly a result of his excessive drinking.
I do not have kids, but it is hard for me to believe that someone could turn their back to their crying kids begging for help, as Bret did originally. Please, get help NOW before you ruin your relationship with your kids. It's not worth it. Go see a doctor or go to a detox and then do a rehab program and get a running start. Yes it will suck at first and yes you will want to drink but it will be better in the long run if you deal with this NOW.
Bret was an alcoholic for 10 years. He ruined his job and his marriage and his relationship with his kids through the alcoholism. He, too, couldn't be a father to his kids because of his drinking. The scenes where his kids are hysterically crying, begging for their Dad to get help, is gut wrenching. Eventually, Bret does get help, and he is sober 104 days - until he dies unexpectedly of esophageal cancer, undoubtedly a result of his excessive drinking.
I do not have kids, but it is hard for me to believe that someone could turn their back to their crying kids begging for help, as Bret did originally. Please, get help NOW before you ruin your relationship with your kids. It's not worth it. Go see a doctor or go to a detox and then do a rehab program and get a running start. Yes it will suck at first and yes you will want to drink but it will be better in the long run if you deal with this NOW.
I have seen that episode of intervention, very powerfull seeing his kids crying like that and his drinking leading to his death leaving those young children behind....
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
Originally Posted by Gary2140
I don't want to go to meetings. From reading AA literature it makes me want to drink more. The cravings for booze are too much to handle. I simply must drink to cope with daily stress.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 42
Daywalker is right, I do enjoy self-pity. I just can't deal with these cravings though.
I can motivate myself all day to get sober - by reading the posts on this forum, etc...
But when 5pm comes - the cravings, my God the cravings are so strong. I'm so weak when they come.
I appreciate all the responses, I really do. I feel motivated right now to be a better father and husband. I do want to stop. I remember when I could at least go 24hrs without a drink.
I don't know what else to say at the moment except I will continue to try.
I can motivate myself all day to get sober - by reading the posts on this forum, etc...
But when 5pm comes - the cravings, my God the cravings are so strong. I'm so weak when they come.
I appreciate all the responses, I really do. I feel motivated right now to be a better father and husband. I do want to stop. I remember when I could at least go 24hrs without a drink.
I don't know what else to say at the moment except I will continue to try.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: chico, ca
Posts: 321
Hey Gary,
It took me 18 years to get 5 1/2 in a row. As long as you dont say "I wont" you still got a fighting chance. As far as the AA thing goes, they ask us to be honest, willing and OPEN MINDED. That's the thing that kept me from getting a grasp on the whole thing. I was closed minded to new ideas. The old ones I held onto were killing me but "don't you know who I am and what I've done". Let it go bro, there's room for you too here and at meetings. I'll pray you find what you need. God Bless
There's solid AA in Mesa, I grew up there.
It took me 18 years to get 5 1/2 in a row. As long as you dont say "I wont" you still got a fighting chance. As far as the AA thing goes, they ask us to be honest, willing and OPEN MINDED. That's the thing that kept me from getting a grasp on the whole thing. I was closed minded to new ideas. The old ones I held onto were killing me but "don't you know who I am and what I've done". Let it go bro, there's room for you too here and at meetings. I'll pray you find what you need. God Bless
There's solid AA in Mesa, I grew up there.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,781
I too never thought I could live without drinking - drinking away the stress, drinking away the depression, drinking away my problems... until I finally woke up to the fact that drinking was making all my problems much worse.
I finally was desperate enough to stop, finally wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink. It took me many times of trying and failing but now I'm almost 7 months sober and things are so much better. My health is better, I have more money to spend on necessary things, I no longer have the risks that come with drinking, and I no longer hate myself.
AA is not the only way to quit drinking, but there is a lot of knowledge and experience in the rooms of AA so why not give it a try? Why not ask your doctor for help in getting thru the w/d and then throw yourself wholeheartedly into a program for staying sober, whatever that program or method may be.
What you're saying about cravings and drinking to destress are, forgive me, just excuses and you will 'excuse' yourself into an early grave, not to mention the trouble that can happen to you in the meantime.
I'd say give up whatever reasons you've formed against AA and give it a try. What have you got to lose but an addiction that will kill you with a thousand little cuts before it puts you in the ground?
I finally was desperate enough to stop, finally wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink. It took me many times of trying and failing but now I'm almost 7 months sober and things are so much better. My health is better, I have more money to spend on necessary things, I no longer have the risks that come with drinking, and I no longer hate myself.
AA is not the only way to quit drinking, but there is a lot of knowledge and experience in the rooms of AA so why not give it a try? Why not ask your doctor for help in getting thru the w/d and then throw yourself wholeheartedly into a program for staying sober, whatever that program or method may be.
What you're saying about cravings and drinking to destress are, forgive me, just excuses and you will 'excuse' yourself into an early grave, not to mention the trouble that can happen to you in the meantime.
I'd say give up whatever reasons you've formed against AA and give it a try. What have you got to lose but an addiction that will kill you with a thousand little cuts before it puts you in the ground?
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
Gary - that's why you've got to change what you do and who you are. If you are like me, than you are powerless of alcohol.
Why not, today or tomorrow, go to an AA meeting right after work? Why not? You can drink afterwards if you'd like, but just go.
At this point, you can't claim ignorance.
Why not, today or tomorrow, go to an AA meeting right after work? Why not? You can drink afterwards if you'd like, but just go.
At this point, you can't claim ignorance.
DOS: 11/6/10
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Florida Panhandle, USA
Posts: 736
Gary, sounds like you've got lots of good reasons to stop drinking. Sounds like you also know it's a problem and it's killing you and destroying your family.
You mentioned you couldn't do it. Well- most of us can't- - alone. That's why you hear so many people talk about AA and what a gift and a miracle it's been to more than just a few of us.
Google Alcoholics Anonymous meetings and add your city... you'll find the site for your area. It will have a list of all the meetings with days and times etc. Find one that starts at 5pm. GO THERE. Don't leave until you have told someone what you told us here.
Best to you, Gary... some of us have been where you are... there is HOPE.
You mentioned you couldn't do it. Well- most of us can't- - alone. That's why you hear so many people talk about AA and what a gift and a miracle it's been to more than just a few of us.
Google Alcoholics Anonymous meetings and add your city... you'll find the site for your area. It will have a list of all the meetings with days and times etc. Find one that starts at 5pm. GO THERE. Don't leave until you have told someone what you told us here.
Best to you, Gary... some of us have been where you are... there is HOPE.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Bethlehem, PA
Posts: 84
AA is a very popular and effective treatment program. It comes highly recommended at SR. It is not for everyone. I am a firm believer that an alcoholic should take any healthy step that assists him to obtain and maintain sobriety. There are tx programs geared toward everyone; inpatient, outpatient, secular, Jewish, Buddhist, you name it. A little research on this site and elsewhere might help you find one that appeals to you more from the outset than AA seems to.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I agree with Pongo, Gary.
If you don't like AA thats absolutely no excuse to stop looking.
It's our responsibility to keep looking for the solution - I thought for years I was doing something - I was simply sitting there and wishing things were different. It wasn't enough...with every passing year I lost more and more.
There's a post of links in this forum
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...resources.html
There's more links in the substance abuse forum and in Secular Connections forum.
D
If you don't like AA thats absolutely no excuse to stop looking.
It's our responsibility to keep looking for the solution - I thought for years I was doing something - I was simply sitting there and wishing things were different. It wasn't enough...with every passing year I lost more and more.
There's a post of links in this forum
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...resources.html
There's more links in the substance abuse forum and in Secular Connections forum.
D
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