A Newcomer.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 3
A Newcomer.
Hi,
So, I stumbled upon this website as I've been having difficult times of late. I guess I'm going to throw my story out here. I just need help.
Here we go:
A bit of history pre-drinking. 4.0 in high school, I had drank a bit and smoked some marijuana, but it was in no way an addiction. I was accepted to Stanford, Northwestern, Cornell, but I stayed in Mississippi because my parents couldn't afford the schools. It was always my dream to go to Stanford, go to med school and be a neurosurgeon. I had always been told and I KNEW that I was going to great. I was going to make A LOT of money, be successful, and have a life that many people dream of. To cut it short, I became addicted to pills, and so the story begins.
About 5 years ago, I had screwed up in college, depressed, but I finally found a job. I had found a job as a plumber, and all was going well. I had never drank much in the past, but being around these guys... they drank everyday. Needless to say, I was sucked in. They were drinking a case of beer a night, and there were 15 - 20 of them... they would all get together and just hang out. Well, I started hanging out with them. I quickly progressed to drinking a 12 pack and soon after an 18 pack to a 24 pack a night. This carried on for about 1.5 years. I was drinking everyday, and, I guess I really knew that it was always a bad idea, I just didn't care. My life literally rotated around working and drinking. When I say working I mean, we would pick up a few cases, drink on the way to the job, work, and start drinking again. So I moved off, hoping that if I distanced myself from these guys, my drinking problem would be left behind.
It stayed with me. The next job I had, I worked on a beach. It was literally okay with my boss for me to go and hang out with the tourists, drink with them, just so he could make more money, and I could make tips, he just told me not to get too drunk. It was a seasonal job so I could only stay for 3/4 of the year. Well, I couldn't find another job, so I moved again a short distance away, once again hoping my drinking problem would stay behind. Once again, it didn't. I had difficulty finding a job, but I finally found one at a gas station. I worked nights. I worked 11 p.m. to 7 a.m. I would get off, buy a case of beer, go home, drink it, black out, and wake up and go to work. After about a month, I found out where the camera's were. I started stealing wine and beer on my shift, going into the bathroom and drinking them, and coming back to work. Well, after 2 months, with my drinking raging out of control, I finally drank too much, and I passed out in my truck on my shift. I was fired.
So I moved again, not trying to escape my problem, but finally finding a good job. Basically for the past 1.5 years, I've been working, going home and drinking an 18 pack, showing up to work hungover yet still performing my job.
The thing is, it has affected my life SO much. Not just with work, but with my family and friends. I went to a friend of mines pre-wedding party completely wasted. I missed his wedding because I was drinking. I was supposed to be the best man. I can't even talk to my parents anymore (I'm 25). I constantly tell them that I'm doing good and I'm sober, but they know it's a lie. My other friends, every time we hang out, I end up getting plastered, black out drunk, and they don't want anything to do with me.
I've reached the point of where, in my life, it seems futile. I've "tried" quitting. I would write in a journal, and tell some people I was getting sober, but it only lasted 3-4 days before I was drinking again. I've dated girls, yet every time we would hang out, I would get drunk. Naturally they would break up with me. I've pissed away so.much. money on this stuff. My life is currently a waste. So well. I guess I'm trying to quit again. I went from dreaming of Stanford to dreaming of living past 30. Oh to have lived during Prohibition.
The reason I'm posting here, and I'm sure the reason a lot of people post on here is because they have questions.
How did you get sober?
What does it feel like?
How do you deal with the anxiety of being in social situations with people drinking and choosing NOT too?
There is so much more I'd like to say, but, I'm just going to leave it at that. I'm going to an AA meeting tomorrow (unless I wimp out). I just joined, and I haven't read a thread on this forum which I'm about to do. I just wanted to throw everything out. I apologize for making this so long.
Have a nice night.
So, I stumbled upon this website as I've been having difficult times of late. I guess I'm going to throw my story out here. I just need help.
Here we go:
A bit of history pre-drinking. 4.0 in high school, I had drank a bit and smoked some marijuana, but it was in no way an addiction. I was accepted to Stanford, Northwestern, Cornell, but I stayed in Mississippi because my parents couldn't afford the schools. It was always my dream to go to Stanford, go to med school and be a neurosurgeon. I had always been told and I KNEW that I was going to great. I was going to make A LOT of money, be successful, and have a life that many people dream of. To cut it short, I became addicted to pills, and so the story begins.
About 5 years ago, I had screwed up in college, depressed, but I finally found a job. I had found a job as a plumber, and all was going well. I had never drank much in the past, but being around these guys... they drank everyday. Needless to say, I was sucked in. They were drinking a case of beer a night, and there were 15 - 20 of them... they would all get together and just hang out. Well, I started hanging out with them. I quickly progressed to drinking a 12 pack and soon after an 18 pack to a 24 pack a night. This carried on for about 1.5 years. I was drinking everyday, and, I guess I really knew that it was always a bad idea, I just didn't care. My life literally rotated around working and drinking. When I say working I mean, we would pick up a few cases, drink on the way to the job, work, and start drinking again. So I moved off, hoping that if I distanced myself from these guys, my drinking problem would be left behind.
It stayed with me. The next job I had, I worked on a beach. It was literally okay with my boss for me to go and hang out with the tourists, drink with them, just so he could make more money, and I could make tips, he just told me not to get too drunk. It was a seasonal job so I could only stay for 3/4 of the year. Well, I couldn't find another job, so I moved again a short distance away, once again hoping my drinking problem would stay behind. Once again, it didn't. I had difficulty finding a job, but I finally found one at a gas station. I worked nights. I worked 11 p.m. to 7 a.m. I would get off, buy a case of beer, go home, drink it, black out, and wake up and go to work. After about a month, I found out where the camera's were. I started stealing wine and beer on my shift, going into the bathroom and drinking them, and coming back to work. Well, after 2 months, with my drinking raging out of control, I finally drank too much, and I passed out in my truck on my shift. I was fired.
So I moved again, not trying to escape my problem, but finally finding a good job. Basically for the past 1.5 years, I've been working, going home and drinking an 18 pack, showing up to work hungover yet still performing my job.
The thing is, it has affected my life SO much. Not just with work, but with my family and friends. I went to a friend of mines pre-wedding party completely wasted. I missed his wedding because I was drinking. I was supposed to be the best man. I can't even talk to my parents anymore (I'm 25). I constantly tell them that I'm doing good and I'm sober, but they know it's a lie. My other friends, every time we hang out, I end up getting plastered, black out drunk, and they don't want anything to do with me.
I've reached the point of where, in my life, it seems futile. I've "tried" quitting. I would write in a journal, and tell some people I was getting sober, but it only lasted 3-4 days before I was drinking again. I've dated girls, yet every time we would hang out, I would get drunk. Naturally they would break up with me. I've pissed away so.much. money on this stuff. My life is currently a waste. So well. I guess I'm trying to quit again. I went from dreaming of Stanford to dreaming of living past 30. Oh to have lived during Prohibition.
The reason I'm posting here, and I'm sure the reason a lot of people post on here is because they have questions.
How did you get sober?
What does it feel like?
How do you deal with the anxiety of being in social situations with people drinking and choosing NOT too?
There is so much more I'd like to say, but, I'm just going to leave it at that. I'm going to an AA meeting tomorrow (unless I wimp out). I just joined, and I haven't read a thread on this forum which I'm about to do. I just wanted to throw everything out. I apologize for making this so long.
Have a nice night.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Poconos PA
Posts: 1,544
Crown, I know that you will likely want to try and avoid going out to bar situations anymore at the very least. It sounds like you are currently putting yourself in harms way all the time. Take away the element, find a job where alcohol is not, cannot be present. Take your break at the job, don't leave for any reason until it is time to leave. Then, go straight home and focus on things you enjoy that will not involve the thought of drinking.
Most of all, you have got to want this so badly for you and you alone. No one else matters right now more than yourself. Be selfish, think only about how much you have begun to hate what alcohol has done to you and how much you want to change. Remind yourself of these thoughts every time you get the urge to drink. Think about Stanford, grab your books home alone and read them. Think about how great your future can still be if you can stay off the booze for good.
Good Luck, we're rooting for you.
Most of all, you have got to want this so badly for you and you alone. No one else matters right now more than yourself. Be selfish, think only about how much you have begun to hate what alcohol has done to you and how much you want to change. Remind yourself of these thoughts every time you get the urge to drink. Think about Stanford, grab your books home alone and read them. Think about how great your future can still be if you can stay off the booze for good.
Good Luck, we're rooting for you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Saint Louis, MO
Posts: 285
Welcome. You sound alot like I did when I decided to get sober. Lots of guilt and shame, looking for another way to live but I didn't think that it was possible, nor did I think that I could ever forgive myself. You are still relatively young and have a whole life infront of you--how enjoyable that life is will be up to your decisions from here on out. AA is a good start. Don't chicken out. It was really uncomfortable for me at first too. I also suffer from anxiety in social situations. I found, however, that after being sober for awhile my anxiety went way down. The amount you are drinking daily has a serious neurological effect on your brain's ability to manage stress, such that when you are not drunk you feel more anxious. Sobering up will help, but not eliminate, anxiety.
Check out AA and announce that you are a newcomer when they ask.
Sobriety feels like living. It's not all rainbows and gumdrop mountains. Some days are better than others. But you get to live it--not anesthetize yourself through it. Sounds like you are ready to live. Please do.
Check out AA and announce that you are a newcomer when they ask.
Sobriety feels like living. It's not all rainbows and gumdrop mountains. Some days are better than others. But you get to live it--not anesthetize yourself through it. Sounds like you are ready to live. Please do.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: southern U.S.
Posts: 153
Welcome ccrown,
That's a heartbreaking story (I'm not being sarcastic). I'm sure a lot of people here can relate in some way.
I think you have a mighty task (getting sober) before you, but it's worth it.
I'm only newly-sober, but I'd like to address your questions.
"How did you get sober?"
I reached out for support from family and friends. (there's more to it, obviously)
"What does it feel like?"
Like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
"How do you deal with the anxiety of being in social situations with people drinking and choosing NOT too? "
So far, I completely avoid social situations where drinking is the main objective. In other situations, where drinking is only secondary, I try to experience what sober socializing feels like (after missing out on it for so long!).
That's a heartbreaking story (I'm not being sarcastic). I'm sure a lot of people here can relate in some way.
I think you have a mighty task (getting sober) before you, but it's worth it.
I'm only newly-sober, but I'd like to address your questions.
"How did you get sober?"
I reached out for support from family and friends. (there's more to it, obviously)
"What does it feel like?"
Like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
"How do you deal with the anxiety of being in social situations with people drinking and choosing NOT too? "
So far, I completely avoid social situations where drinking is the main objective. In other situations, where drinking is only secondary, I try to experience what sober socializing feels like (after missing out on it for so long!).
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Lowcountry
Posts: 2,762
Crown ,
Your story brings me back to the first days I worked on crews with proffessional journeymen. It's a crazy different world than University I found.
Welcome to SR !
You'll find plenty of support (and great knowledge ) here.
This place has helped me so damned much the past several months.
Just reading and posting (for me ) .....seems to help my program of recovery.
I also go to AA meetings because the face to face aspect can be very dynamic , and the things I learn works hand in hand w/ SR ......for me, anyway.
Again , welcome to the SR family !!
.
Your story brings me back to the first days I worked on crews with proffessional journeymen. It's a crazy different world than University I found.
Welcome to SR !
You'll find plenty of support (and great knowledge ) here.
This place has helped me so damned much the past several months.
Just reading and posting (for me ) .....seems to help my program of recovery.
I also go to AA meetings because the face to face aspect can be very dynamic , and the things I learn works hand in hand w/ SR ......for me, anyway.
Again , welcome to the SR family !!
.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 66
Welcome Crown,
No, your post is "not too long", and anyway we can read between the lines.
I would say posting here and going to an AA meeting are your first true steps towards sobriety.
What's it like being sober? Well, you just go through the day, except for the part about massive guilt, shame, freaking out about your next beer, worry about what you did last night, wonder where your life is going, all that stuff. If you're sober pretty much all that is not a problem.
The problem is you've built your life around beer, so when you take that away you need to fill that part in with "living", and that can be hard because you don't have a clue what to do. That's where going to a recovery program (AA or other) and posting here come in. Quiting drinking is one thing, restructuring your life is just as important. Breaking down this big task into little pieces is the way to do it. Remember, you spent years getting where you are now, it's going to take awhile to right your path. The best part of all that effort is that it's worth it. Boy, is it worth it.
Please post some more, we're here for you.
No, your post is "not too long", and anyway we can read between the lines.
I would say posting here and going to an AA meeting are your first true steps towards sobriety.
What's it like being sober? Well, you just go through the day, except for the part about massive guilt, shame, freaking out about your next beer, worry about what you did last night, wonder where your life is going, all that stuff. If you're sober pretty much all that is not a problem.
The problem is you've built your life around beer, so when you take that away you need to fill that part in with "living", and that can be hard because you don't have a clue what to do. That's where going to a recovery program (AA or other) and posting here come in. Quiting drinking is one thing, restructuring your life is just as important. Breaking down this big task into little pieces is the way to do it. Remember, you spent years getting where you are now, it's going to take awhile to right your path. The best part of all that effort is that it's worth it. Boy, is it worth it.
Please post some more, we're here for you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 3
Hey everyone. Thanks for all the posts. Well. I screwed up. Didn't go to AA. Had a bad day at work. Went home and drank. Geez. Next day. Same thing. It's odd that now that I REALLY want to quit... I realize that I try to rationalize drinking, saying "Well... you'll only drink 6 tonight"... yeah, that never happens. So, today is going to be my first day... again.
I just find it so amazing how reliant I am upon drinking. You guys certainly hit upon some great points. I'm truly scared to think of my life without drinking, even though that's what I have to do. Example: I play on a softball team, and not EVERY game, but most of the time we'll bring a cooler with some beer. As we play the game, we'll all have some, nothing too crazy because we still have to play. After the game, we hang out and drink. I can't do that anymore. I'm not going to quit playing softball, I enjoy it and I get to hang out with my friends. I'm just going to have to say no. Which is very difficult. I guess I've relied upon drinking for so long that I can't see my self living without it. I think I'm going to use the mindset of "wren". Experience what sober socializing is like.
Well I guess I'm going to get back to playing piano, guitar, and running. I'm doing a 50k next month. I did a half-marathon last weekend, finished 31st out of a few hundred, and the night before the race... I got completely wasted.
So... Day 1. Here we go... again.
I just find it so amazing how reliant I am upon drinking. You guys certainly hit upon some great points. I'm truly scared to think of my life without drinking, even though that's what I have to do. Example: I play on a softball team, and not EVERY game, but most of the time we'll bring a cooler with some beer. As we play the game, we'll all have some, nothing too crazy because we still have to play. After the game, we hang out and drink. I can't do that anymore. I'm not going to quit playing softball, I enjoy it and I get to hang out with my friends. I'm just going to have to say no. Which is very difficult. I guess I've relied upon drinking for so long that I can't see my self living without it. I think I'm going to use the mindset of "wren". Experience what sober socializing is like.
Well I guess I'm going to get back to playing piano, guitar, and running. I'm doing a 50k next month. I did a half-marathon last weekend, finished 31st out of a few hundred, and the night before the race... I got completely wasted.
So... Day 1. Here we go... again.
DOS: 11/6/10
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Florida Panhandle, USA
Posts: 736
Hey there, don't beat yourself up... the most important thing is that you came back and you are sober today. Get up the courage to get to that meeting... I was terrified the first time I went and now I'm practically addicted to aa meetings.
How did I get sober?
Well, I had a RILLY RILLY bad night drinking and had had enough; I spent 9 months dry and going to AA meetings without really getting it. Tumbled one more time- back to AA and found an incredible sponsor. With the meetings, my Big Book, and my sponsor, I have a support line that I can reach out and grab anytime of the day or night.
what does it feel like?
SO freeing! I still get mystery bruises but now I know they are not from drunken stupidity... Hangover free is amazing, and not having to compromise because I've been drinking is DA BOMB DA%$ DIGGITY.
Social situations? for me, this is different than for most other people. I play music for a living so I MUST be in places that serve even though I'm not drinking. Diet Coke is my best friend, and on the breaks, I have things to do- mingling with people who came to see us... selling stuff... putting the next set together... there's no reason for me to go to the bar. If people offer us drinks I either decline or order a virgin pina colada.
My suggestion for you would be to initially avoid those places and situations that will only fuel temptation.
You can do this! Keep coming back.
How did I get sober?
Well, I had a RILLY RILLY bad night drinking and had had enough; I spent 9 months dry and going to AA meetings without really getting it. Tumbled one more time- back to AA and found an incredible sponsor. With the meetings, my Big Book, and my sponsor, I have a support line that I can reach out and grab anytime of the day or night.
what does it feel like?
SO freeing! I still get mystery bruises but now I know they are not from drunken stupidity... Hangover free is amazing, and not having to compromise because I've been drinking is DA BOMB DA%$ DIGGITY.
Social situations? for me, this is different than for most other people. I play music for a living so I MUST be in places that serve even though I'm not drinking. Diet Coke is my best friend, and on the breaks, I have things to do- mingling with people who came to see us... selling stuff... putting the next set together... there's no reason for me to go to the bar. If people offer us drinks I either decline or order a virgin pina colada.
My suggestion for you would be to initially avoid those places and situations that will only fuel temptation.
You can do this! Keep coming back.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
welcome ccrown! Try not to think about never having a drink again, and just stay sober for today. Take it an hour or minute at a time if you have to. Hang out here or go to an AA meeting. If you're drinking that much daily, you may need to talk to a doctor for help, cuz withdrawals are for real and can even be dangerous.
It sounds like you've got so much going for you. Alcohol will take it all, believe me! Make sobriety your new "marathon," and keep posting/reading. We know what you're going through!
It sounds like you've got so much going for you. Alcohol will take it all, believe me! Make sobriety your new "marathon," and keep posting/reading. We know what you're going through!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: KC MO
Posts: 980
If you are going to quit drinking. Sobriety has to come before everything else. If you are like me, I might make it a few days. And go play softball,And just have "a couple beers". Before I knew what happened I'm drunk on my A$$.
You say you aren't going to quit playing softball. Iduno. I would have to take a break from it for a season.
Quitting is very difficult, and the first few months are tough. I wen't for 30 years waking up in the morning saying "not today". I'm not gonna drink today. Until lunch time came around. Then a beer started sounding pretty good. By 5 oclock there just was no contest. Yep 30 years
Not to sound harsh. But it isn't a game. It's life we are messing around with. And sobriety has to come above all else. The first few months a lot of sacrifices have to be made to succeed. After that it gets a lot easier.
I wish you the best.
Fred
You say you aren't going to quit playing softball. Iduno. I would have to take a break from it for a season.
Quitting is very difficult, and the first few months are tough. I wen't for 30 years waking up in the morning saying "not today". I'm not gonna drink today. Until lunch time came around. Then a beer started sounding pretty good. By 5 oclock there just was no contest. Yep 30 years
Not to sound harsh. But it isn't a game. It's life we are messing around with. And sobriety has to come above all else. The first few months a lot of sacrifices have to be made to succeed. After that it gets a lot easier.
I wish you the best.
Fred
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Please check out this factual link.....
Alcohol Chemistry and You
Welcome to our Alcoholism Forum....
Alcohol Chemistry and You
Welcome to our Alcoholism Forum....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 3
I apologize for bringing back an old post. I really do. The thing is I stayed sober for 10 days and it was terrible for me... psycholgically, mentally, yada yada. Er... to be honest I think I might have a mental problem but I'm not sure. I honestly feel that I can't really deal with life. It's really bad since I relapsed... AND got a promotion. I was literally drinking 4 or 5 in the morning... going to lunch and drinking six more (all in seclusion of course).... and coming back to work. Now... I'm head of estimating at an office. We are talking millions of dollars... and now I'm the head man. I had been coming home and drinking... going out with my friends... I'm truly drinking a case of beer a night... yet I'm apparently "so good" at hiding it.... They don't see it. They are trusting millions of dollars in my hands.
Naturally that scares the **** out of me. I wake up hoping to god I didn't screw up. I haven't yet, but it will naturally happen. I mean. I can't tell the owner of the company who just put his trust in me that I've been drinking and need to go to rehab. I can't. I've thought about just ending it, but I'm to much of a wimp. I find it so difficult that I can't live my life without this ****. The vice president thinks I'm funny and likes to hang out and drink. He's 45 and an alcoholic. I literally don't know what to do. Flat out... don't. I'm 25 and I couldy barely handle the stress anyways... it's too much for me right now. Obviously the drinking doesn't help. I'm literally at a loss. I hate my life, I hate what I've become...I'm making more money than I ever have.
I know I truly need inhouse rehab. I need 3 months of it. I need seclusion from everyone. I can't tell the owner of the company that I need that. I know I need to be away from everything. I can't even afford it... with rent, and my job. Oh my god. I sound like AWhiney kid. I apologize.
Naturally that scares the **** out of me. I wake up hoping to god I didn't screw up. I haven't yet, but it will naturally happen. I mean. I can't tell the owner of the company who just put his trust in me that I've been drinking and need to go to rehab. I can't. I've thought about just ending it, but I'm to much of a wimp. I find it so difficult that I can't live my life without this ****. The vice president thinks I'm funny and likes to hang out and drink. He's 45 and an alcoholic. I literally don't know what to do. Flat out... don't. I'm 25 and I couldy barely handle the stress anyways... it's too much for me right now. Obviously the drinking doesn't help. I'm literally at a loss. I hate my life, I hate what I've become...I'm making more money than I ever have.
I know I truly need inhouse rehab. I need 3 months of it. I need seclusion from everyone. I can't tell the owner of the company that I need that. I know I need to be away from everything. I can't even afford it... with rent, and my job. Oh my god. I sound like AWhiney kid. I apologize.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
The reason I'm posting here, and I'm sure the reason a lot of people post on here is because they have questions.
How did you get sober?
- developed a relationship with a God I wasn't sure I believed in or believed would help me by doing thing I didn't think would help. That God I questioned so often removed my obsession to drink. I went to AA and found some guys who seemed to be happy, content, sober for a while, and seemed like they were willing to teach me (by their own actions) how to get to what they have.
What does it feel like?
- pretty darn good just about alllll the time. there are still problems in life that don't feel so great (understatement of the century) but there's nothing I've had to drink over. at least now, I feel like I have a shot at fixing those problems. Not much stress, anxiety, or any of that stuff. When it DOES crop up, I'm able to sense it pretty quickly (pretty quickly by my standards) and I can start to do something about it and be rid of it more quickly
How do you deal with the anxiety of being in social situations with people drinking and choosing NOT too?
- about the same as I feel when I'm in a social situation and ppl decide to eat collard greens. I don't like 'em so I don't order them. 99% of the time, I don't care if someone around me is drinking or not, getting drunk or not, or even offering a drink to me. I just don't have the desire to drink like I used to. I don't have the compulsion to gamble so walking thru a casino means nothing to me - drinking is kinda like that now. My life, as it relates to booze, just changed. That rare 1% when it is or is becoming an issue, I deal with it by distancing myself from it or leaving. I can only think of a couple instances of that having to happen in 3+yrs - and most of those were early in my recovery - when I was still trying to do things the way I thought was best for me. Turns out, I didn't have a CLUE what was best for me - one quick look at my history proved that darn quickly.
How did you get sober?
- developed a relationship with a God I wasn't sure I believed in or believed would help me by doing thing I didn't think would help. That God I questioned so often removed my obsession to drink. I went to AA and found some guys who seemed to be happy, content, sober for a while, and seemed like they were willing to teach me (by their own actions) how to get to what they have.
What does it feel like?
- pretty darn good just about alllll the time. there are still problems in life that don't feel so great (understatement of the century) but there's nothing I've had to drink over. at least now, I feel like I have a shot at fixing those problems. Not much stress, anxiety, or any of that stuff. When it DOES crop up, I'm able to sense it pretty quickly (pretty quickly by my standards) and I can start to do something about it and be rid of it more quickly
How do you deal with the anxiety of being in social situations with people drinking and choosing NOT too?
- about the same as I feel when I'm in a social situation and ppl decide to eat collard greens. I don't like 'em so I don't order them. 99% of the time, I don't care if someone around me is drinking or not, getting drunk or not, or even offering a drink to me. I just don't have the desire to drink like I used to. I don't have the compulsion to gamble so walking thru a casino means nothing to me - drinking is kinda like that now. My life, as it relates to booze, just changed. That rare 1% when it is or is becoming an issue, I deal with it by distancing myself from it or leaving. I can only think of a couple instances of that having to happen in 3+yrs - and most of those were early in my recovery - when I was still trying to do things the way I thought was best for me. Turns out, I didn't have a CLUE what was best for me - one quick look at my history proved that darn quickly.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Originally Posted by ccrown09 
The thing is I stayed sober for 10 days and it was terrible for me... psycholgically, mentally, yada yada. Er... to be honest I think I might have a mental problem but I'm not sure. I honestly feel that I can't really deal with life.
I've thought about just ending it, but I'm to much of a wimp. I find it so difficult that I can't live my life without this ****.
I literally don't know what to do. Flat out... don't. I'm 25 and I couldy barely handle the stress anyways... it's too much for me right now. Obviously the drinking doesn't help. I'm literally at a loss. I hate my life, I hate what I've become...I'm making more money than I ever have.
I know I truly need inhouse rehab. I need 3 months of it. I need seclusion from everyone.
I've thought about just ending it, but I'm to much of a wimp. I find it so difficult that I can't live my life without this ****.
I literally don't know what to do. Flat out... don't. I'm 25 and I couldy barely handle the stress anyways... it's too much for me right now. Obviously the drinking doesn't help. I'm literally at a loss. I hate my life, I hate what I've become...I'm making more money than I ever have.
I know I truly need inhouse rehab. I need 3 months of it. I need seclusion from everyone.
If that's your issue (the spiritual malady), drying out won't feel all that much better than those 10 days did. I don't say that to discourage you but to encourage you to keep your eyes open and your hear open to the possibility that maybe you don't know what's best for you and maybe you don't even know what's wrong with you........yet. That's the way it was for me. I spent a long time trying to fix things on my own and the results never came - at least not the results I was able to find when I got open to try some new ways of living.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hi ccrown - Is there any chance you can talk to your parents about this? You need some support right now. You may want to also see a doctor (perhaps someone who specializes in addiction).
Please also know that if you have to go to treatment, it's not the end of the world even though it feels like it. You're drinking an enormous amount, and when we get to that point, it's as much about saving our lives (health) as it is about keeping a job. Your employer will either understand or they won't, but you need to do what's best for you. There's no shame in saying "I need help."
Continuing in this pattern will only lead to alot more pain. Prayers and hugs going out to you.....:ghug3 Please keep posting and let us know what' going on with you, OK?
Please also know that if you have to go to treatment, it's not the end of the world even though it feels like it. You're drinking an enormous amount, and when we get to that point, it's as much about saving our lives (health) as it is about keeping a job. Your employer will either understand or they won't, but you need to do what's best for you. There's no shame in saying "I need help."
Continuing in this pattern will only lead to alot more pain. Prayers and hugs going out to you.....:ghug3 Please keep posting and let us know what' going on with you, OK?
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I'm thinking your boss would prefer you fess up to him
rather than you screw up his business.....
I did not go to a re hab ...straight into AA
and it changed my life for the better.
Please call this for info...it may save your life
National Drug and Alcohol Treatment Referral Routing Service available at
1-800-662-HELP
This service can provide you with information about treatment programs in your local community and allow you to speak with someone about alcohol problems
Hope you find answers ...
rather than you screw up his business.....
I did not go to a re hab ...straight into AA
and it changed my life for the better.
Please call this for info...it may save your life
National Drug and Alcohol Treatment Referral Routing Service available at
1-800-662-HELP
This service can provide you with information about treatment programs in your local community and allow you to speak with someone about alcohol problems
Hope you find answers ...
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