Starburst

Hi, to refresh u all, my AH is a closet drinker, i found him out 9 months ago, promised he would stop, did for 4 days without help, back to drinking. Fast forward, he still has not admitted to me he is drinking. Some of u may remember the incident of our neighbour last week, who was terrorizing his family, my AH goes down to sort it out, not exactly sober himself! he comes back and tells me the neighbours family are running away from him they are so scared, and that it hurts his heart. Yet he keeps on drinking himself? Today same story again off my AH goes, came back now and told me, he must take his neighbour to AA meetings, even if he has to drag hm there and attend them himself? Can this work, if the people dont really have their hearts in it. I did ask him how it would help if the people concerned dont want to stop, he then also said ''oh, this might even help me''. (is this him asking for help?) So i told him, u do realize you are also going to have to the 12 seps, so he says, he will? Do u think that is the alcohol talking or can he actually be reaching out through the neighbour? By the way he does know he is an alcoholic himself, he was sober for 8 years. Then fell off the wagon. Any ideas or comments appreciated. I found two places in our area, saying they open meetings, what is the difference between open and closed meetings? Thanks all

artsoul

Hey mamm - first of all, I enjoy your posts!

When I was married I was always trying to figure out what my husband was thinking. It seems he always surprised me, though, by doing things I hadn't predicted. I had a hard time accepting what he told me at face value, even though I was the alcoholic and he wasn't.

Maybe it's something we all do (try to analyze others' motives)....

You know, maybe your husband needs something like this to think about his own drinking. I would just be careful about expectations, but then you already know what that's like.

Keep the faith, though. There's always hope!:ghug3

intention

Hi Mamm,

Who knows what he is thinking/doing, the end result is that he is going to AA. That's good, isn't it?

A closed meeting is only for those who have a desire to stop drinking. An open meeting means others can go like family members, people from other fellowships, people with other addictions.

intention

This was said to me yesterday "What makes you think you can work out what they are thinking?"

Well, that certainly gave me something to think about.

Kerbcrawler

Hi mamm, its tough,i live with my a/w, and i stopped an she is still active in this..and i enable her,as she dont drive, so i pick up booze,and when she runs out,i get,as i drive she doesent, i dont feel greatly comfy with this!!!,sos to go off topic into my own probs, if your Hubby stopped for 8 yrs,he knows the score,knows how to be strong,and do this no bother? surely..if he wants to, which by the sounds of he doesent! i could be wrong,but jus think 8 yrs of sobriety under the belt before...not like he dont know how to do,or what to expect,..i had to chuckle a bit when i see were you are, gosh if he,s a wine drinker...in stellenbosch, i used to drink a lot of wines made there..big wine region.
hope things can work out for yourselves...wish you well.

Starburst

That is a good quote, to be honest, i have quit trying to figure out what goes on in his mind... one day its like this, then tomorrow its a whole new thing. I guess i am just surprized that he is the one to mention AA, when all his life he has been dead set against social meetings and especially AA! So if he and the AN go, i will really be thanking and praising GOD!

Starburst

Hey Kerbcrawler, thanks for making me smile, my H and i moved from JHB to here in 2004 and he got work as a maintenace manager for my Uncle's wine estate, he was fine, actually he hates wine! i just dont know what pushed him over the edge! First it was vodka so no one could smell it, I did! then when I mentioned to him in an abstract conv. one could smell it, he went straight onto Brandy and hasnt stopped he drinks half to one 750ml bottle a day! its terrible! but seems to do it in such a way that he keeps stable (if u know what i mean) so yes from being a major alkie from early 20's gave it up in his 30's and now back after 8 yrs, i am so sad he could just throw it away! anyway I hope yr wife comes right soon. Hugs

smacked

Your husband can go to as many open meetings as he wants, and doesn't 'have' to work the steps, or stay sober, really. It's all going to be up to him. I suppose being at an AA meeting even if he doesn't want to quit drinking is a better place than being at home or wherever he is when he does drink. I attended a ton of meetings with friends before I committed to quitting.. I got hammered after each one. But that's just me.

Kerbcrawler

thanks mamm, no doubt he,ll soon be drinkin spearmint flavoured brandy,or such like,to keep one step ahead of your detective work...:rotfxko good luck.

Boleo

LOL! What makes you think you can work out what ANYONE is thinking?(including yourself)?

Student: What part of man's thinking is delusional?
Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj: All of it!

"No man can ever get to the truth without God's help"
(Soren Kierkegaard)

Starburst

This I totally agree with, all we can do is pray for them, hope GOD has mercy and grace! - Kerbcrawler - ha ha, arn't I lucky! he does already take a very strong breath mint, so then I already have my first clue!

ninja7

Just in my opinion! As long as your AH might think he need help, he never think about AA. I think he also want a help to be sobriety. This is a very good chance to attend AA. You better persuade your AH and neighbors.