Boleo

I am going to go out on a limb here and take an educated guess as to why you drink the way you do - you are looking for oblivion. Just as I was in my final days of drinking.

What keeps me sober today is not the strength to resist the temptation to drink. I never did learn that. What keeps me sober today is what gives me the peace of mind, joy and sense of purpose that I need in place of oblivion. Namely;

Peace of mind from meditation.

Sense of purpose from prayer.

Joy from being of service to others.

Toronto68

Sleepie, I'm not so sure there are people aiming to kick someone when they are down. You might not like the words they use. For instance, if you are replying above with the ironic "Nice" to what Smacked said, well, I agree with the part Smacked said about finding a resource that does suit you. My interpretation was that a person reaches a point where they are ready to jump out of that proverbial train, and that is the special moment for people like us who put the using down and don't go back. (I hope I don't go back, and I continue not to, today included. I'm not God or the tax system though. Today, I am not going back.)

When it comes to ignoring people that are not doing you any good, what I think counts is making the best of what you do like in other responses and building off that.

Sleeping pills and alcohol doesn't sound good. But I can't control you on either of those, separately or in combination. I can't make you reach the special jumping off point and feel gratitude. The encouragement isn't spelled out in the same way by each person, so you won't find it in a guaranteed way. I hope you will get it though.

Dee74

Sleepie

I'm worried about you. I hope you'll call somebody today like your therapist and talk to them.

D

BabsyGirl

Sleepie,

I hope you are doing well and finding some peace this evening. It isn't easy giving up our addiction and it is a struggle for sure. I had a relapse this week, but feel as though the time I was clean has helped me view this in a different manner.

Please don't mix the pills with alcohol. You know how dangerous that is. Tomorrow is another day and I pray it will be a good day for you. Hang in there!! Do something nice for yourself and I hope to see you back.

(((((((sleepie)))))))

Peter G

In advance, please let me apologize that the following will also offend you. What I quoted from your post is utter NONSENSE. It's not "where you're at", it's what you've manufactured to facilitate your decision to use, and you know better than that Sleepie. A relapse is one thing, but benzos and booze can be a truly lethal combination with little or no warning. Like I said, you know better, or at least I hope you do. Call your councellor, or toss the pills at least.

I truly hope that eventually you flip the damned script, get up, and shake off this latest thing - a little clarity and I really believe you'll get what's been said here. No one here is being petty, and not one reply was of sour or malicious intent.

Your serenity and sobriety is worth a lot more than you may realize or even care about right now. Brians post says heaps about why this thing of ours is serious, and why people here may seem harsh and real with you. Heed these words instead of shooting the messengers.

You are in my prayers Sleepie.

stugotz

AA/NA isnt for people that want it, need it, or deserve it. Its for those that are willing to go to any lengths to get/remain sober.

sleepie

It's a beautiful new "Day one". I'm a little tired and shaky but managed a bike ride and a short meeting with my addictions counselor. I am so fortunate to finally have an intelligent and compassionate counselor, she really helps me out. And to those of you who took the time to send me a kind PM- thank you, it really lifted my heart today when I decided to log into the site on another day one. You're the ones I'll keep coming back for. I think it's a good idea to keep this thread open so that anyone seeking help here can see the range of responses when they are honest about a relapse.

wren

I'm glad you're starting with day one again. It's often helpful to me to read your posts.

sleepie

Thank you Wren, I appreciate that.

Charmie

im glad too sleepie.