My way back to life
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Denmark
Posts: 257
My way back to life
I am a 33 year old binge drinking alcoholic, and I've had an alcohol problem ever since i started drinking as a teenager. I soon developed the habit of binge drinking to black outs for days, and drinking ruined so much in my life. I've dropped out of pretty much any school or college i attended since i started drinking and never been able to hold onto a job for long. My only longer period of soberity was during a short marriage, where i ex forced me to keep sober for about a year and a half, but when she suddenly divorced i found the perfect excuse to go drinking again and my drinking has got worse and worse ever since that. Binges that last for weeks where i drink anything i can get hold of, losing completely control, stopping showering or brushing teeth or in any way care for myself, not eating for days, just getting wasted for no reason whatsoever.
My process of realising i am an alcoholic has been slow, ever since my mid 20s, but i have always come up with excuses or reasons for denying the obvious. Today is my first day sober after probably my worst binge ever, and it just has to be the last one. I completely ruined my easter vacation to see my amazing girlfriend who lives abroud to a state where i missed my flight and kept on drinking for days after the missed flight until i finally got my act together to go to my GFs family to seek help, showing up late at night as a complete stinking drunken mess. Managed to sober up a bit and organise my new trip home, yet still hiding my drinking behind my GFs back until i managed to get on the flight home. I kept on drinking ever until i reashed my own family's home yesterday, because i couldnt manage to make the move to stop until i reached the safe surroundings at home.
I have tried numerous times to stop before on my own, though surely not really fully committed and always with a voice in the back of my head that at some occation i would probably be able to drink a few again.
I clearly realise that is not the case, i have to stop completely, and i know it. I am lucky to have the support of my parents and my GF but i live far away from them and i have to go home to my own place next week.
I have contacted my local AA group and will have my first meeting next week.
WIthdravels are currently not as bad as i feared probably because i tapered down over the last days.
I have never been to AA before, and I really hope this will be helpful to me.
I feel so determined this time, and cant wait to see life clear from the fog of drunkeness and all the regret and depression...
To feel how my love for my GF and family will be without the alcohol numbing my emotions. There is so much in life i want to enjoy that i cant when I drink, and i hardly ever felt life without thwe shadow of alcohol since childhood. Hope you guys will wish me luck and help me to make this
My process of realising i am an alcoholic has been slow, ever since my mid 20s, but i have always come up with excuses or reasons for denying the obvious. Today is my first day sober after probably my worst binge ever, and it just has to be the last one. I completely ruined my easter vacation to see my amazing girlfriend who lives abroud to a state where i missed my flight and kept on drinking for days after the missed flight until i finally got my act together to go to my GFs family to seek help, showing up late at night as a complete stinking drunken mess. Managed to sober up a bit and organise my new trip home, yet still hiding my drinking behind my GFs back until i managed to get on the flight home. I kept on drinking ever until i reashed my own family's home yesterday, because i couldnt manage to make the move to stop until i reached the safe surroundings at home.
I have tried numerous times to stop before on my own, though surely not really fully committed and always with a voice in the back of my head that at some occation i would probably be able to drink a few again.
I clearly realise that is not the case, i have to stop completely, and i know it. I am lucky to have the support of my parents and my GF but i live far away from them and i have to go home to my own place next week.
I have contacted my local AA group and will have my first meeting next week.
WIthdravels are currently not as bad as i feared probably because i tapered down over the last days.
I have never been to AA before, and I really hope this will be helpful to me.
I feel so determined this time, and cant wait to see life clear from the fog of drunkeness and all the regret and depression...
To feel how my love for my GF and family will be without the alcohol numbing my emotions. There is so much in life i want to enjoy that i cant when I drink, and i hardly ever felt life without thwe shadow of alcohol since childhood. Hope you guys will wish me luck and help me to make this
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Denmark
Posts: 257
I really feel hopeful despite being in the blur of withdravals, though i still feel a lot of 'wrong' thoughts. I really dont want to blame my drinking on any event, person or any other reason than well, i drink and i can't handle it, and i need to stop. I feel really bad about the fact that parts of my brain will try to blame family, relations or others for my drinking problem
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
welcome, ST, and give yourself some space for things to settle a bit. your brain and mind will be going through all kinds of things, changing, in the next little while, if you stay sober, and so just a heads up for some unpredictability.
as you likely know, AA has a suggeted solution for recovery, and following the suggstions works well for many, including me.
good to see you be proactive, and hope you stick around.
as you likely know, AA has a suggeted solution for recovery, and following the suggstions works well for many, including me.
good to see you be proactive, and hope you stick around.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,346
Welcoem aboard SoberTyger 
Most of us think abnout a lot of things when we get sober amnd it can get a little like torture sometimes.
I tried to make it easy for the first month or so -I had one job - no drinking...
from there I could start to fix other things - in time
D
Most of us think abnout a lot of things when we get sober amnd it can get a little like torture sometimes.
I tried to make it easy for the first month or so -I had one job - no drinking...
from there I could start to fix other things - in time
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Denmark
Posts: 257
Woke up on the second day after quitting.
Feel very tired and unable to concentrate, but cravings and physical withdravals are much milder than on previous attempts at getting sober.
Feel at least quite certain i will make it quite easy for the short run, it's the long haul that worries me, how to stay sober for more than just some weeks.
But i just got this feeling this time that this is the first time i true admit the alcoholism, even though i pretended to admit it before. I used to seek help at doctors and therapists hoping to find the reason why i drink, hoping that if i could cured for the depression i was certain caused this, or talked through whatever problems in my life or upbringing that caused this, i would fix myself and start to drink normal. This time i dont think like that at all, i just think i an alcoholic, i never ever managed to drink normally, and what i need to do is find the way to not drink that first drink that starts the snowball rolling.
Feel very tired and unable to concentrate, but cravings and physical withdravals are much milder than on previous attempts at getting sober.
Feel at least quite certain i will make it quite easy for the short run, it's the long haul that worries me, how to stay sober for more than just some weeks.
But i just got this feeling this time that this is the first time i true admit the alcoholism, even though i pretended to admit it before. I used to seek help at doctors and therapists hoping to find the reason why i drink, hoping that if i could cured for the depression i was certain caused this, or talked through whatever problems in my life or upbringing that caused this, i would fix myself and start to drink normal. This time i dont think like that at all, i just think i an alcoholic, i never ever managed to drink normally, and what i need to do is find the way to not drink that first drink that starts the snowball rolling.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Sober,
Anyone that can drink as hard as you has to be a superman.
Addiction is a monster.
Since you are relatively young, you may bounce right back to a fairly decent state of health quickly.
I was not as addictive as you so I can not speak from experience.
Your drinking bio is terrifying though, and fear was a good motivation tool for me to quit.
Think about this...you are clean now 24 hours...but you feel like hell.
That is brain damage. Just like getting hit with a hammer. There is a good chance some permanent damage is there, but the brain and body can heal well.
It has taken me nearly 2 years and counting to feel....normal.
The gotcha is....I got so used to being drunk...I forgot what normal is.
Some folks have to quit boozing because they get in trouble w the law.
Others, like me...maybe you...manage to not get in trouble and drink long enough to start to really feel the mental and physical effects.
Eventually, the drunkenness doesn't go away. My drunk buddy slurs all day long. Every time he talks it sounds like he just woke up.
Eventually, the drunkenness turns to insanity.
Scared yet.
That is my motivation everyday. I don't drive my car 100 mph because I don't want to die,
I don't drink because I don't want to die.
Thanks.
Anyone that can drink as hard as you has to be a superman.
Addiction is a monster.
Since you are relatively young, you may bounce right back to a fairly decent state of health quickly.
I was not as addictive as you so I can not speak from experience.
Your drinking bio is terrifying though, and fear was a good motivation tool for me to quit.
Think about this...you are clean now 24 hours...but you feel like hell.
That is brain damage. Just like getting hit with a hammer. There is a good chance some permanent damage is there, but the brain and body can heal well.
It has taken me nearly 2 years and counting to feel....normal.
The gotcha is....I got so used to being drunk...I forgot what normal is.
Some folks have to quit boozing because they get in trouble w the law.
Others, like me...maybe you...manage to not get in trouble and drink long enough to start to really feel the mental and physical effects.
Eventually, the drunkenness doesn't go away. My drunk buddy slurs all day long. Every time he talks it sounds like he just woke up.
Eventually, the drunkenness turns to insanity.
Scared yet.
That is my motivation everyday. I don't drive my car 100 mph because I don't want to die,
I don't drink because I don't want to die.
Thanks.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Denmark
Posts: 257
Woke up on day 3. My bowels is a bit of a mess, probably because i ate a lot yesterdar, which i see is a good sign - I usually lose appetite during drinking and in early recovery, so it's good i have been eating a lot for a few days now, though my stomach still needs to settle. Thinking a lot about alcohol but not in a positive way. Feel no cravings or wish to drink.
Isn't it sad, we spend all childhood preparing for adult life, and look forward and dream, of what we will become - then our culture introduce alcohol to the young ones, which can potentially take away everything even before we are fully grown up. At least in my country it seemed like everyone binge drank as teens, sure, most managed to control it, but i don't think i really ever knew anyone who didn't, at one point or another, drink to access. Too bad I fell in as soon as i tasted alchohol and gave away all my adult life to the bottle.
Feels like i am on day 3 of my life, really. Didn't feel like i lived before, i just drank.
Isn't it sad, we spend all childhood preparing for adult life, and look forward and dream, of what we will become - then our culture introduce alcohol to the young ones, which can potentially take away everything even before we are fully grown up. At least in my country it seemed like everyone binge drank as teens, sure, most managed to control it, but i don't think i really ever knew anyone who didn't, at one point or another, drink to access. Too bad I fell in as soon as i tasted alchohol and gave away all my adult life to the bottle.
Feels like i am on day 3 of my life, really. Didn't feel like i lived before, i just drank.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,637
Perhaps we gave up our adult lives to booze- but that is a memory. Now it is time to turn the next phase of our real, connected adult lives into living today- planning for the future and coping with/processing the past, NOT LIVING in it.
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