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Can a person fail thoroughly following the steps?

Old 06-12-2010, 11:59 PM
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kae
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Can a person fail thoroughly following the steps?

And the answer is Yes - Living in sobriety has been the worst experience I have ever had in my life. At least I can say I've had almost three months twice now. **** it. I probably won't even be coming back on this site. I'm more dysfunctional sober than I am high/drunk and i must be mentally handicapped that I can't get a relationship with God, but I doubt He even exists. I want to die more than I ever have while using or drinking. Being dope sick was probably a million times easier than this feeling right now.
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Old 06-13-2010, 12:43 AM
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I'm sorry it's been that way for you Kae.

For me nothing could be worse than where I had been, but man my mind liked to try and convince me otherwise.

I tried drugs and drink for twenty years - I figured I at least owed sobriety 6 months, if only to let my mind and body heal.

I'm glad I stuck it out. It wasn't easy but the alternative for me was pretty bleak.

There's always a place for you here, Kae - and other recovery programmes to try on for size, if it comes to that.

Don't make a short term decision on a long term life, Kae.
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Old 06-13-2010, 07:12 AM
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Sorry to know you are having problems....

Here is a list of recovery programs for you to explore
AA is not the only way to be clean and sober.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...resources.html

Many of us had false starts before we settled into
our healthier lifestyles. ...

All my best
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Old 06-13-2010, 07:16 AM
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It will get better you know. Don't give up now.

I prefer to be sober and miserable than drunk and miserable
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Old 06-13-2010, 08:07 AM
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kae
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I'm not gonna give up just yet
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Old 06-13-2010, 08:23 AM
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are you sober today?
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Old 06-13-2010, 08:47 AM
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So what step were you on when you drank each time?
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Old 06-13-2010, 08:54 AM
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Kae, keep trying. Sounds like you have the physical sobriety part down - i.e. you're not ingesting alcohol. That's awesome, it's how we all have to start. And you're right, being dry sucks! That's why there are 11 steps after the first one. Step 1 helps us get physically sober whereas the other 11 work on our mental and spiritual sobriety.

A court-ordered alcohol tether forced me to stay dry. I went on to hit my emotional and spiritual BOTTOM, I don't recall precisely, maybe 3 or 6 months into the program. It was hell on earth......and I know what you're talking about. That bottom.....WAY worse than my alcohol-bottom.

I saw NO way out.......nothing I'd been doing was "working." So........I went beyond that last house on the block (that last house being AA). I jumped the fence around that last house and went looking for in that scary field beyond that last house....... I went looking for a God of my understanding. I didn't do it cuz I was some blessed person, because I was spiritually fit, or for any other noble reason. I did it because I knew that THIS feeling had the power to take me back to alcohol and have me re-engage in the insanity I just left - booze. Remember, the teeney-tiniest bit of faith is all we need. That searching for God.....some God.......ANY God.... that's when things started to "feel" better.

Of course, I went on to realize I hadn't really done step 2, or any written inventory, shared it with a sponsor, made an amends list, made ALL my amends....etc etc.... and, most of all, I hadn't had a spiritual experience AS THE RESULT OF WORKING THESE STEPS. Turns out, I was trying to call AA a failure when it was me who was failing. But..........that's ok........ I fail all the time. The key is to keep plugging on.

Looks like you're doing that.......so keep it up.
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Old 06-13-2010, 09:01 AM
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And Kae..... you keep being honest. It'll serve you extreeeeeemely well in recovery. Keep talking about what you're feeling - everyone else is feeling or has felt the same way but not everyone's willing to bring it up. As a bonus, sharing honestly will save you a TON of pain.

I was afraid to share things like you did at the tables. I worked on them in my mind - on my own - and it was horrible. Once I started talking about those thoughts though (with a therapist) they started going away and I started feeling better. I spent months in that hell and, had it not been for that alcohol tether I was wearing, there's nooooo question in my mind I would have gotten drunk again.
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Old 06-13-2010, 09:04 AM
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kae - I feel for you... You may want to talk to someone (a psychiatrist, preferrable one who also knows addiction), before you give up on your sobriety. Some of us have mood disorders, depression, anxiety (etc.) that need to be addressed along with substance abuse. Untreated, we self-medicate, but we do so with things that kill us and make our issues worse. There are other alternatives.

Keep looking for answers, OK?:ghug3
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Old 06-13-2010, 09:05 AM
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Hi Kae

My addiction treatment doesn't include God or HP beliefs. I utilize SMART Recovery and CBT principles (tools) to help me maintain my sobriety. Also being here at SoberRecovery is another important tool in my addiction treatment.

I hope you stick around and explore the variety of ways that people use to get and stay sober.
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Old 06-13-2010, 09:14 AM
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kae
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Yes I am sober 86 days today
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Old 06-13-2010, 09:14 AM
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kae
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and I'm on step 4
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Old 06-13-2010, 09:19 AM
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Kae, you are always welcome here.

Have you talked to a doctor? I drank to self-medicate because of depression. I couldn't stay sober without professional help.

Please take care of yourself.
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Old 06-13-2010, 09:55 AM
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Man, you're doing inventory. You're not supposed to feel good, my friend. And in all honesty, I ask you to consider that your original post and the title don't match up to your current experience. How can a person doing inventory claim that the steps failed when they are at step 4 of a 12 step program. So, you're at step 4 feeling like **** and feeling that God isn't there. Sounds about right to me. I was very concerned at step 3 cause I had to make this God stuff real,a nd wasn't sure if it was going to happen. My sponsor reassured me as did others that as I revealed myself to me, God would reveal himself to me. And that's exactly what happened, and continues to happen today. Keep doing the work, finish your inventory and then 5th step it and move forward. The logo is a circle and a triangle. The circle represents wholeness, being at one with God. The legs of the triangle represent recovery which are the steps, unity which is the fellowship and service. You are in the middle of the recovery part. if you don't have any service commitments, you may want to seek that out, even if it's making coffee or chairing some meetings. How are you doing with fellowship? are you hanging out and connecting with your fellows? Keep doing the deal, it does get better. And quite frankly I'm not worried about you at all. I'd be worried if you were doing inventory and felt wonderful.
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Old 06-13-2010, 11:34 AM
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It took me about 2 years to figure out how to get through the day without a drink.
After 25 years of being drunk every day and functioning through it the trick was to be sober every day and function through it.

The biggest obstacle was I wanted things to be fixed "Right Now"
I wanted the wreckage of my past to be fixed "Right Now"
I wanted all the promises to come true "Right Now"
I wanted the respect of my piers and family to occur "Right Now"

Aint it Grand? The wind stopped blowing.
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Old 06-13-2010, 12:55 PM
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Hi Kae

Sorry you feeling so bad...my edperience was that by 3 months after my last drink i had finished all the steps and received the promises...obviously this is a longer period of time to work the steps than is highlighted in the Big Book by the founder members but some amends took a while to sort out e.g. financial...

A great question for me is why you are still on step 4 at 3 months?

I got a sponsor who has worked the steps to the best of their ability as quickly as they possibly could and they guided me through the steps in the same fashion...this is the only message of AA and the only way to recover from alcoholism...but at the same time you have to be willing to go to any lengths, that is your part to play in the steps...if you aren't willing to go to any lengths why woudl anything anyone did help?

Maybe you could get in front of a CBT counselor or addiction counselor too, i use this resource as well as AA and it has been a great asset:-)

Your post heading is Can a person fail thoroughly following the steps? why don you work them all and find out and report back...hope you do!
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Old 06-13-2010, 01:02 PM
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Originally Posted by kae View Post
I can't get a relationship with God
Well, then, you haven't thoroughly worked all the steps.

Relax. For many that takes a while. The real hurdle is getting your own understanding or conception of God. How do we have a relationship with something we can't yet conceive of? Especially since my conception won't, in all probability, be the same as yours... but that's the beauty of it, isn't it?

Read the big book, drop all your preconceived notions, especially the notions of others, look inside yourself, like inside others and all around. He's there if you look. Talk with a sponsor, clergyman... whomever... the search is as important as the finding.

Once you have a higher power, then, only then, thoroughly work the steps. You will be amazed.

Don't give up and be easier on yourself. It's a simple program but it's not easy.

Mark
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Old 06-13-2010, 01:41 PM
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Originally Posted by Pinkcuda View Post
It took me about 2 years to figure out how to get through the day without a drink.
After 25 years of being drunk every day and functioning through it the trick was to be sober every day and function through it.

The biggest obstacle was I wanted things to be fixed "Right Now"
I wanted the wreckage of my past to be fixed "Right Now"
I wanted all the promises to come true "Right Now"
I wanted the respect of my piers and family to occur "Right Now"

Aint it Grand? The wind stopped blowing.

Excellent, excellent post.

I'm in for a year and I'm still learning and adapting. It's not easy...and I have to wonder if people get disillusioned reading all of the positive posts about sobriety.

Of course there are great things about sobriety. I could fire off a rather long list, but I think it helps to talk about the bad stuff.

Not only do you have to deal with all of the past stuff when you get sober, but life keeps happening. I lost an uncle this past Wednesday...no one was expecting it. I'm getting through it by sticking close to my family and keeping in touch here at SR.

Keep your head up, kae. My experience has been that if I'm feeling like crap and struggling I'm doing it right. Strange as that may seem, this means that I'm learning to cope. It has to hurt if it's to heal (bonus points if someone knows what that quote's from...and no cheating with Google! ).
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