sunrise1

And I am SO glad she was there for me!

We were gigging tonight at a club where, in the past, I quite easily snuck shots during our breaks. Tonight after the first set that evil little voice came in: "No one would know... you could just DO it"... Well, combined with the craving from last night it just felt too shaky for me so I went outside and called my sponsor. She said she was really glad I called... I know I was really glad I called.

By the time her phone had rung the craving itself had gone away, but I was still disconcerted about having two such strong cravings in so short a time. We talked about prayers, and a little about God; she knows I'm a "hopeful agnostic"... in other words, I desperately want to believe but it's still a work in progress.

Anyway, she talked to me until near the end of my break. One thing she told me is that early in her sobriety, she would literally pray at work; she'd go into the bathroom and take her needed time there. So- after I got off the phone with her, off to the bathroom I went. I asked God to take the cravings away and make me a better person... help me to be the best soul I can be...

Well, He didn't answer me directly, nor did a burning bush appear in the corner of the bathroom stall, but by the time I was back onstage hubby and I were really clicking, playing well, and we were having a good time. I think maybe He heard me. I hope he did.

God, thank you for keeping me sober today. Also, please help Greg in whatever way You feel best, and please release him from so much pain.

Amen and good night.