Starburst

I was just thinking how strange my AH is, he drinks throughout the day, everyday, seems to be controlled, at times I think he does go overboard! So our neighbours wife comes up saying her AH is in a drunk rage, he must come and sort it out, he goes there, takes the mom and kids away to a safe place, what gets to me, is can't he see how out of control this is? or can get, yet he does nothing to stop his own drinking problems?

sunrise1

Denial is one of the most cunning and baffling parts of this disease; I remember things I would do that if I saw someone else do, I'd think "OMG, can't they SEE what they are doing?!" But it was different because it was me. Of course it WASN'T... but the mind is a terrible thing where this disease is concerned. My best to you and here's hoping the curtain is lifted soon.

ninja7

I think most of alcoholics still have such kind of control. It may be called functional alcoholic. It sounds not so difference from me drunk. I have never physically abused my wife. I never punched my children at all. But I had definitely had mood swing during drunk. And at last lost my control. He also may loose control over some intervals.

praiseHim

Wow, yes this is so true. They can see everyone else's situation and everyone else's faults, but they aren't that bad. I do that even with myself too, especially now. I minimize my situation and think it isn't that bad and other people are worse off. It is hard to look at yourself and realize and face changes that you need to make

Starburst

Yes Ninja, he is in total denial, he doesn't abuse us either, underneath this he is a real kind and caring person. Last time i confronted him, he actually said to me, oh i thought i had it in control and no one knew? I told him I have known for a long time,and probably others to. He then said why has nobody confronted him? I said I have no idea, except what is the point, nothing changes! he stopped drinking for 4 days and all the patterns started again, that was 9 months ago. It really breaks my heart to see how he has thrown away his 8 years of sobriety! I am trying hard to detach. How does one do that.

praiseHim

Yes, that is heartbreaking.

Did you see this thread:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...etachment.html

I thought it was very helpful. Detachment is a difficult concept for me.

Taking5

This is a very common alcoholic conception, they think they are hiding their drinking. In reality many people know, or strongly suspect, that there is a problem. In my case my parents knew and I live 2,400 miles away! And I was never a drunk dialer on the phone to aid them in coming to this conclusion.

So my fellow problem drinkers and/or alcoholics, if you think you are hiding it, get over yourself, you are not hiding it from everyone, especially those closest to you.

Peter

Alcoholics are very good at fixing other peoples problems.....but when it comes to their own, well........you know what I mean.....

intention

Hi Mamm,

His brain is addicted to alcohol and it is programed to do whatever it has to to keep its drug in constant supply.

Your husband literally cannot see his drinking problem because his brain won't let him see it in order to keep the supply ongoing.

Of course, he is still capable and intelligent man who can see reality in situations around him because his brain allows that to be seen as it doesn't interfere with alcohol supply.

I know for me and many alcoholics when they get sober in recovery, we are actually quite shocked by what we had been doing when drinking, because we couldn't see it before.

Alcoholism is a baffling illness to the alcoholic as well as those around them. I hope that you are getting the support you need to take care of yourself

Starburst

Thank you all for your replies, I still find it so hard to wrap my mind around this disease, after losing my AD to it when I was so young, never really understanding how powerful the need to drink is, even after to going to countless rehabs. I was so happy when my H beat this 8 years ago, i never dreamed after so long he would drink again, after the hell we had already been through, the first time! I truely thought that need or want to drink would have left him. Im just so sad. Do you think it is a chemical deficiency in ones brain that gets triggered? He never put himself in positions where he could drink, i.e. bars and always told people he was an alcoholic and didnt drink, but in the end i think it was the huge stress placed on him.

intention

Hi Mamm,

It's a physical and mental dependency - this is how we see it in AA.


The physical only gets triggered by taking the first drink. When the alcoholic does that, then the craving for more is overwhelming and they just have to drink more and more. The physical cravings will disappear usually within a few days of detoxing all alcohol from the system.

The mental dependency is why the AA 12 program was developed. The only way to remove this, we believe in AA, is by having a spiritual awakening, and we do that by working the 12 steps.

Even those who have had a spiritual awakening can have that mental obsession come back if they don't continue on their spiritual growth.

If the alcoholic has this mental obsession, it doesn't matter how many years sober they have, they will most likely pick the drink back up and when they have done so, the physical dependency will start again and that's when they get trapped back into drinking.