LifeBlows

You know, I know that you have to create new habits in recovery. So yesterday, after work, I decided to go see a movie. Its been months maybe over 6 months since I saw a movie. It was Get Him To The Greek with Jonah Hill. It was really funny. The last time I laughed that much in a movie was Borat. I have a really juvenile sense of humour. Can you tell?

Anyway there was a lot of drinking and drugging in the movie. It made me recall the fond days of my drinking. You know when I was just 'being crazy'. It was extremely triggering. After about an hour I wanted to leave the theatre so I could go buy a drink. That was bad because as I've been trying to get sober, I'd hang in there until 9:00p.m or 9:45p.m. and then I'd cave.

So it felt as though my cravings were going super nova. I almost left the movie to go and get some alcohol. Then I remembered what I had told myself on Day 2 of Sobriety - My liver cannot take any more.

When I finally gave in and stopped drinking, it was mainly because my liver had started to HURT. All the time. If I sat hunched over it hurt, I think because it was and perhaps still is inflammed or fatty or whatever. It doesn't really matter what it is, but I started to have these really weird pains. And then I saw the letter from an alcoholic whose liver was the size of a dime because after it became cirrhotic it started to break away in pieces inside his body.

Then there was that post by Schem9 about needing a liver transplant, and I watched Rain in My Heart on YouTube. You know I used to worry about being bankrupt and homeless. And then I discovered that things can get a lot worse. I wish that I had known that that was end stage alcoholism before I started partying hard. Everyone tells you oh you'll lose your house and your job and your spouse and people will despise you. But damn, being so swollen with fluid that your skin splits is far far worse. How come I'm just hearing about this?

I'm not saying its anyone's fault but my own that I'm an alcoholic, but you know that's something that you should know. There should be warning labels on alcohol. If you drink too much you much your liver will fail and you will swell up so much you look like an oompa loompa. Your skin will split, your skin and eyes will turn yellow and your liver will start to disintegrate inside your body. You will lose brain cells and be unable to think clearly even when you are sober.

There is a bar I have to pass every day on my way to work, its called Delerium Tremens. Each time I see it I want to ask the owner, like what? You think that's cool? You think that's edgy? You think the DT's are a joke?

Anyway, Get Him To the Greek is also about recovery which was nice. I still want to drink today but I think the last couple of days were the 'flare up' that you experience 5-7 days into sobriety. Hopefully after this the cravings will subside a lot faster. I need improvement because I feel as though I'm just hanging on by a thread.


My liver cannot take any more.

CarolD

Losing my sanity scared me more than anything ....

Good to know you are finally heading into a sober life

mikefreak

The little snake-things crawling on the floor out of the corners of my eyes were mine...............

Brucel

They say we show up in recovery having problems with one or more of the three L's. The Liver, The Lover, or the Law. How people get here doesn't matter. WE'RE HERE. I never lost my childlike fun seeking and laughter except while going thru chemo. I couldn't find a lot of humor in that. But I have friends in recovery who would not let me slip into self pity, which is easy when we first get here. One suggestion, don't ever forget the humiliation, sorrow, guilt and lonliness that came with drinking or drugging, for me, that removes ALL the glamour or so called fun I thought I used to have. I'll pray that your three LLL's get better. God Bless

Peter G

@ LifeBlows, your post hits home in a huge way. Movies haven't really triggered me yet, but in my first week I did get righteously pi$$ed when, finally sober, I saw how glorified boozing and using was made out to be in Hollywood. I'm over it now though, but I still do see it as being written in poor taste.

There is something about your post though, having experienced DT's first hand - seizures, hallucinating... the whole 9 yards. I likened the DT's to being temporarily transported to Hell, and it was the first time in my life I really and truly hoped I would die. Anyways, if I walked or drove by a bar called "Delirium Tremens" every day, it wouldn't be too long before I stopped, went inside, and proceeded to kick the living $hit out of whomever came up with that tasteless name. That's just one of the sickest names for a club I've heard. Not cool, even in in the most ironic sense.

At any rate, congrats on your sobriety and big ups Toronto! I'm born and raised in Nova Scotia and lived in TO for a few years back in the day. I love Toronto and the east coast also, have so much family in Oshawa and Burlington. One day if God spares me I'll get back there to retire.

I'm off to watch Rain In My Heart now. Thanks for the tip on this movie.

Fandy

my lower abdomen and face were swollen, i was so dehydrated, my lips were splitting, I was massively shedding my hair, i was having trouble voiding my bladder....when i stopped I was getting wierd auditory hallucienations(sp)...every night in the car on the way home from work....it was a choir, but they only sang on this certain road i traveled...after about 8-9 days, i perked up considerably.

thanks for the review of that movie, i want to see it.

mercurial me

Thanks for the update. After x9 days sober I slipped bad this past weekend and although
I've been back on the wagon since Monday my body is paying the price again (huge pains in my liver, kidneys, gall bladder). Keep staying strong & good call on liquor having warning labels like tobacco.