Paulos

Hello everyone... on Day 1, really glad of it too but ... there's too much change happening.

My 77 year old semi ******** grandfather is moving out as he insulted/threatened me very VERY vulgarly and my mother did NOT let that go, he'll be gone on Saturday... my former stepfather being back in my life more than usual is a bit of a change and I am NOT GOOD with change, then my mother wants me to take over my grandfather's disgusting crummy bathroom because she cannot stand that I use the one upstairs due to the noise I make when I shower everyday.

I think it's been a period of 2 weeks and a half of the binging, I just cannot believe how I could have fallen back into it... but domestically it has NOT been pleasant. Man, and I just feel ... an incredible anger lately, and depression today. I just wish ... everyone could get along and there was no friction. and here I go back to feeling like crying. C-ya all.

Norther

Every "reason" to drink is just an excuse to drink, so I have been told.

Tommyh

you did not drink because of the compelling domestic issues,you drank because of your inability to deal with them.Rather than deal with them,you ran back to the bottle.Whats that tell you Paulos?

sunrise1

I used to tell myself that too, Paulos... I can't tell you the number of times my husband "made" me drink. Now I know that the drinking just put me on uneven footground with him... I couldn't even argue with him over whatever made me mad because I had been drinking and he'd know it and bring it up.

Now when my husband turns evil or whatever, I meet him on equal ground and tell him that whatever he did sucked... or I leave for a while. Both of these work SO much better than drinking.

Hang in there...

smacked

If I drank because life continues to 'happen', I'd still be drunk. I found millions of excuses, like you are now. The key for me to living sober, was finding new ways to cope with life.. there will always be struggles, how we respond to it is our choice. For now, you're choosing alcohol.. hopefully in the future you'll find new things to turn to.

thisisme

The realization that alcohol will make things worse no matter how bad life is or will get is a hard revelation. It's also critical in recovery.
Alcohol does nothing and takes all.
Find your source. It's not alcohol.

Paulos

Thanks sunrise... it's just such a drain and strain when you're trying to get better you've got someone trying to ruin and hurt you... ugh.

Toronto68

Paulos, one good thing that I notice here is that you are spelling specific things that are bothering you. Maybe that is a hopeful sign that you will get better at dealing with them and coping without using alcohol.

Kmber2010

Hang in there. You definitely need to get out of that situation it seems but you need to be sober. With sobriety you can make the positive changes but you first need to get off the sauce. Even when we are sober......life will come at us so the change must come from within.

Stay strong and take it one day at a time. Keep posting!

Sunrise - I could've written your post verbatim. You wrote exactly what happened to me. Thanks for sharing.

Paulos

Tells me you're a pain and a thorn I don't need to hear from right now, bballdad. Yeah life gotta improve, kmber... yeah Toronto, this isn't a post to excuse myself for drinking, it's for me to explain why I've felt so bad lately and how it's so easy to fall down.

Bamboozle

Hey, Paulos. You've quit before and had some good sober time. You can do it again.

least

I hate to break it to you Paulos, but bballdad is only stating a fact. You MUST develop a coping strategy for these domestic problems you are having, and have had for quite a while.

I drank to drown/cover up my family problems too... but the problems didn't go away, the alcohol just made them worse and kept me from really working on my issues. Alcohol is a crutch. Throw away the crutch and learn to walk without it. Alcohol NEVER helps anything, just ruins everything it touches: family problems, and especially your health.

If you must continue to live with your mom you MUST find another way to deal with the issues that come with living in her house. Alcohol is NOT helping you, just digging you in a deeper hole.

In my opinion bballdad was right on the money. It may be a truth that you don't want to acknowledge, but it's still a truth. Excuses to drink are just that: EXCUSES, and just lead you back to that dark hole you're trapped in. Do something different this time, learn new non-destructive coping methods, anything but drinking. THis may not be what you want to hear, but it's the truth, unpleasant as it is, and only the truth will save you from further troubles.

DayTrader

Focusing on the ISSUES in our lives will almost help us FEEL like we're doing something.......but what we're really doing is avoiding the REAL issue (our alcoholism) in favor of working on issues All the while, we're operating on the misbelief that we can CONTROL them. Truth is, we can't...and working on just issues IS the softer gentler way.....back into our addiction.

tellus

Paulos, you'll quit when you want to quit, and not before, regardless of your issues at home. If living at home is detrimental to your sobriety, there are other options. Have you sat down with your mother and discussed what's going on in your head lately?

I know you can get sober again, because you've done it before. Last time you built up some serious sober time, what did you do to deal with the family drama?

Tommyh

the real change must come from within us,not from without
I tried to change the outside,and I never could get sober
when I worked on the inside,I stayed sober Paulos
when the inside changed,then the outside changed,or should I say,my perceptions of the outside changed
it is a inside job

sunrise1

Paulos, I can't offer anything that hasn't been said already... Just know you're in my thoughts and prayers. Whether your situation improves or not- I hope you don't drink today.

(((hugs)))