sleepie

Just thought I'd share a bit of my new aa experiences. So far I have been to 6 meetings in five days. Mostly, they bore me. There is a lot of repetition. I just do what I'm told and wonder if it will work- I have only 4 days sober. I am turned off by the christian overtones of the meetings- I happen to have Buddhist leanings and frequent a local Zen temple, so I try to see overall correlations between the two belief systems. I give myself some credit for dragging myself to the meetings, even when it's just a big bunch of guys twice my age and I hide in a corner. Sometimes I am lucky and a woman speaks, like tonight- this afternoon's meeting was good too. Very small, only 5 people and we read a good chapter from the big book. I like the people's stories.

ninja7

In my local meeting, some young girls look not comfortable with old stinky guys like me. We are very sorry for that. I think Buddhism is also suitable AA like Christianity. I follow Buddhism. It helps me a lot to my sobriety.

Taking5

Are you going to the same group every time or are you trying different meetings? Every group is different and has its own personality. I would definitely hit multiple different meetings until you find one that you are comfortable with.

sunrise1

Try a lot of different meetings... you may be surprised at what's out there!

yeahgr8

Have you got a sponsor yet to help you work the steps? Yeah i went to 5 meetings a week for the first 5 months, i was glad when Sunday came around i called it my day off...get on with the work and then you can pick and choose and be more flexible...

endzoner

thumbs up on the trying something outta your comfort zone , Know how hard it is for you .. but nuttin changes til you start changing some , and at least going and being around those who share the same thing , is better then isolation and lonlyness .. one thing in AA.. you dont gotta take all they say and apply it .. just take what you CAN us and leave the rest for others .. proud of your efforts Sleepie .. good job and keep going back , do try a diff meeting club house if your able to , mite find diff ones that fit you better .. huggles Endzy:ghug3

CarolD

Give yourself time to understand what AA recovery
is about before you walk away....

Well done on your sober days

Soph

Hi Sleepie, yes there can be repetition at those meetings, for sure.

But you're in those rooms and not 1. in the hospital, 2. in a bar; 3. in some strange place you don't remember going to, etc. you know what I mean.

Give yourself a big huge PAT on the back for showing up at the meetings! That is huge. For me, it is a miracle. I am an independent spirit (sure, except for being a slave to my cravings) - so showing up in the rooms is humbling to me, it means I am surrendering and I will "go to any lengths" - including some boredom or annoyance at times.

After all, the drunks at bars are repetitive and boring as *&^% AND - are not there when you need'em...so I choose the sober ones!

Hang in there Sleepie - think, think. You're doing great.

Hugs,

Soph

Mark75

Look within yourself. Look within others. Look all around yourself. Your higher power will be there... Seek and you will find. Religion points the way for us. Use whatever map you chose. The beauty of this program is that all it takes is willingness, not a specific religion.

It is a great experience... The search. The finding.

Maybe, when you find your higher power it won't be so different than those of others and you will see that religion is one way to try and give words to something that is beyond language.

I am not a particularly theological type, though I love to read and hear about it. I read something about the origins of the bible. There was a discussion by somebody, don't remember who, but it was thought that words were inadequate to describe or give a name to God.... and that "yaweh" was a representation of the non-utterable, non verbal name of God.

LOL.... This post probably makes no sense, but what the he'll... There it is

Mark

sleepie

I have been to several different kinds of meetings, there is one location that I prefer that holds them every day and I went to a different location once and it was good. The place I prefer has several different types of meetings and I tried two different kinds. I have a temporary sponsor until I find another one- simply because she lives far away and does not normally come into the city, it was by chance we met.

Soph

Sleepie, I've been going to different meetings too, for months now and I still haven't chosen a "home' group. Sometimes I feel distanced from all the "regulars" but i think it just takes perseverance. Today for example, I am going to get my 60 day chip at a meeting where I will probably know no one!!

I am just grateful there is always a place we can go. Always an alternative to sitting home and drinking or going to a bar and drinking. Wish I had done this a loooong time ago!

Hugs,
Soph

Chops

The repetition of going was for me a gift in itself. Most times early I would just character assasinate and hope no one talked to me. 2 years later I am still that way sometimes but a great degree less. I got in the good habit of going to AA no matter what, and no matter what means no matter what. Like don't drink no matter what......

It created in me what I call muscle memory, so that I always went to AA as natural as it was to wake up and brush my teeth. (I used to wake up and drink Vodka) I had a 7am meeting I went to everyday Mon-Sat. I am overseas now and have had to find different meetings but the principal is the same. I never know when "the bell will go off" and I will want to drink. When it does my body instinctively goes AA even though my mind says liquor store.

An oldtimer where I live says he quit the bar and went to AA and does the same thing he did in the bar in AA but without the booze. "I sit in the same seat every time and listened to the same a holes talk about the same s@#t over and over again but it extended my life 27 years and counting and my wife is much happier and so I am."

stugotz

I concentrate on the common thread that binds us all. And in early recovery I needed repitition. We are all alcoholics...

murrill

Sleepie, I had many of the same opinions when I first went to AA. I was especially put off by the notion of Chritianity, though I would later realize that much of what I thought was Christianity was not---it was just my prejudice in the matter. I think I was fortunate to land in a community that put a premium on spirituality, not religion. I think that the greatest benefit of meetings for me in the beginning was the fellowship. I wasn't able to absorb much of what I heard, much less apply it to my life. But meetings before the meetings---arriving early, helping to set up---and meetings after the meetings---breaking down the meeting, going for coffee--were where I really committed to staying sober. I'd had a bad taste of Christianity, but I was willing to be open-minded about it if necessary to remain sober. Yet here I am, 21 years later, and I still don't accept Christianity. I can understand Buddhism as a philosphy as a spiritual support, but I think it is important not to confuse religion with spirituality. By some standards I am considered atheist, which is OK with with me. I don't subscribe to an interventionist deity, but I do recognize my pace in the universe as a spiritual place. You mentioned that you liked hearing a woman speak, that you liked reading from the book. That's when it starts to work: When you identify in rather than comparing out. This is also a good clearinghouse, so I hope you will stick around.

AlwaysGrowing

Sleepie

All of our decisions and ideas about what is best for us led us down the road of distruction.

Pretty much what you are feeling is very normal.

sleepie

Well, one thing is- I don't go around shoving buddhism down anyone's throat but BOY are most christians ready to do just that in a second. I would like for my beliefs to be respected too- different strokes for different folks. And, Buddhism is a practice and philosophy- not a religion although it did evolve from Hinduism. Not to get off track- it just seems I am constantly having to tolerate others and their religious railings- but this is the USA where christianity is dominant (and supposedly all spiritual beliefs are a right). So, I keep my mouth shut and when someone gets pushy (and they always do) I wait it out and go home and meditate, but it makes my heart sad that I can't just say "I'm interested in Buddhism" without some people looking at me like I'm the devil, or in a cult. My cousins come to mind- and they are some the most dishonest people- lives peppered with theft and infidelity. But the louder they thump that bible- the better they are. And me? They criticize constantly and I assure you without a doubt- despite my drinking, I am the only one in my family who has not done something involving marrying for money, stealing to get ahead, and I am also the only college educated one- and I paid for that education, and looked after myself with help from nobody for a long, long time- I come from a very abusive family as I have found many AA members do- but just because I'm a drunk doesn't mean I'm not a decent person- and doesn't mean I don't practice a higher moral standard than many a "straight" person.

murrill

Sleepie, I understand your views on some religionists....really, I do. I'm from an area where there seems to be an abundance of the people you describe. I cannot, for the life of me, understand how they justify their behaviors with their bible thumping. If I am ever cornered I just say that I prefer a spiritual life to a religious one. Yes, I am being a bit avoidant, but I just don't feel like trying to pour enlightenment into closed minds. But enough of that; it gets me no where. I will share with you something I heard a Buddhist woman say: Her family was highly annoyed that she became Buddhist. But, she said, "They hate it when I'm Buddhist, but they love it when I am Buddha." And BTW, from "How it works" in the Big Book---"our stories disclose in a general way...." You don't have to explain yourself to anyone.

PinkyTuscadero

I get you. Finding the common thread is hard when we begin and end a lot of meetings with the "Lord's Prayer" and no one even thinks to ask if everyone prays that prayer, or if they have a religion that prevents them from praying it. And I'm educated too. But my difference of religion and education didn't prevent me from having trouble with alcohol. The community of people (particularly women) at AA did help me not drink (not their religion, but the community.) So on balance I can't say that the religiosity is an insurmountable obstacle to me using AA for sobriety.

It's hard to have to do this when you're just trying not to drink, I know. So I understand. Maybe just go to a lot of different meetings and try to believe that the smiles are all genuine and that the help is real. It doesn't matter where the others believe their happiness and help comes from.

Hang in there. Really. Hang in there. It gets better.

PinkyTuscadero

Oh, and I've listened to a guy's podcast: Darren Littlejohn, the 12-Step Buddhist and thought he was pretty good. I see he has a book now. And I was also reading other Buddhist-inspired stuff during my first days in AA and was constantly struck by the similarities in messages, especially about ego.

DayTrader

North America is predominantly Christian so most AA'rs are going to be Christian. Since the program encourages a God of your own understanding, it stands to reason that most people will go with a Christian God.

I'm of the belief that there's only one God and it doesn't matter if you call Him God, Jesus, Mohammad, Buddha, The Universal Power, Nature, or any other name. I try to remember that there are a couple Jewish guys at meetings I go to so I try to keep the mention of Jesus out of my discussion because I don't want to irritate them.

As far as I'm concerned, I don't really care what someone is calling the God of their understanding because, like I said, they're all one in the same to me.

It might help if you mention, when it's your time to share, your Buddhist roots. It may cut down on the repetition of Christian beliefs when you're around. Try to cut them some slack too. I know when I've perhaps "pushed Christian beliefs" it comes from a desire to illustrate how the God of MY understanding has helped me in my life (and bear in mind, I sure as heck don't understand God) vs trying to rely upon myself alone. That's part of what the 12th Tradition is talking about when it says to place principles before personalities.

In the Big Book they kept the concept of God as open and roomy as they could (God of your understanding, a Higher Power, a power greater than yourself, etc) specifically so that alcoholics from any background could apply the steps to their lives.