WakeUp

Ok, here's a new one, this incessant rain is driving me mad. Yesterday I was ready to say "take a hike Dream Sponsor, I'm going drinking!" But I didn't, I mean is drinking going to make the sun come out? So, I logged onto SR, called Dream Sponsor, had other phone numbers lined up just in case.

I could just see me in my AA meeting saying I drank because its raining.
"What are you a moron?!?"

BTW, this is a serious post. I have a real hard time this time of year. Makes me depressed as all get out. But drinking won't help.

keithj

Where are you at in the Steps, WakeUp? If your sponsor hasn't disabused you of the notion that you can stay sober because drinking won't help your present situation, then perhaps you could benefit by looking more closely at what the BB says about alcoholism.

Norther

I've been told that any "reason" to drink is just an excuse to drink. We drink the way we do, and when or if we do, because as alcoholics we want to. Conditions, weather or otherwise, are not to be blamed.

yeahgr8

You said you drank because of the rain in an AA meeting i was at i would say that you drank because you are an alcoholic and thats what alcoholics do and to recover from this condition you better work the steps as quickly as you can and to the best of your ability.

I would also share with you that i see a counselor every week, well almost every week, to discuss any issues not sobriety related e.g. feeling down when the weather is bad and things i can do to counter that...mind you he is recovered himself 20 years so if i hadnt finished the steps he would say the same thing as i would have said in the AA meeting and he didnt even get sober in AA!!!

Chin up and let us know how the steps are going please:-)

WakeUp

I am on step 6/7. I feel the compulsion to drink leaving me, as long as I keep my spiritual condition up. This weather though, it really presents a challenge, and I have to amp up on the spiritual conditioning.
I can recognize my distorted thinking in the title of this post, the weather makes me want to drink. Nothing can make me want to drink unless I really want to drink. An alcoholic wanting to drink, imagine that!

BullDog777

try going out and playing in the rain. i mean foot stomping puddle drenching play. run around and have a blast. be silly.

it did me a world of good.

BP44

I drank for every reason you drank and every reason every poster in here could give, I drank. The horror of my alcoholism is that most often I drank for no reason at all. I hear people talk about triggers, but the only trigger I have is coming to, eyes open. The truth of my alcoholism is that I drank no matter what. I am irritable, restless and discontent and when I drink I'm not that way. When I awakened to that truth, I was convinced that I needed a long term solution for the spiritual malady within me. Here's a question you may want to ask....did you ever drink on a perfect sunny day? Not a cloud on the horizon, the end of a perfect day?

keithj

I'm always real reluctant to comment on another sponsor's directions, but maybe something to consider. How long do Steps 6/7 take?

I've identified the things in my character I find objectionable. They are the causes and conditions from my 4th Step inventory. Am I willing to have them removed? If I have reservations, I pray for willingness. Then I do the 7th Step prayer, and I go about my business acting as if god has removed my character defects.

So one common time line for these Steps is return home from 5th Step, take an hour of meditation and review, then take Steps 6 and 7 that day. Then compile your 4th Step into an 8th Step amends list. Then discuss specifics with sponsor. Then make amends. As you are making amends, you move into the 10-11th steps.

There is sooo much freedom in the amends process. I would guess that about 99% of AA folks that relapse have unfinished amends they aren't willing to do. All I need for motivation is a connection with my 1st Step.

'God, please show me how does making these amends (and the Steps leading to them) affect whether or not I will drink again?' The answer will be clear if you ask for the answer.

RobbyRobot

Only alcoholism can make me want to drink now. My acceptance of that fact makes me responsible and honest about my alcoholism not being arrested if i have thoughts and/or feelings of wanting to drink.

Some members continue to have [now and again] a want to drink even though they say they are working their program and their alcoholism is arrested. Hmmm.

Others say they struggle not with alcoholism itself anymore. Now they struggle with recovery and their new life and so on. Hmmm.

Others say they struggle with both alcoholism and recovery. Hmmm.

Life is what it is for all of us. Alcoholics both sober or drinking often find a chosen way of life to be something they are not ever gonna be faithful with either when drinking or when not drinking. At those times in my own life, at those cross-roads, i always blamed my alcoholism for my making the wrong choices in life after i became alcoholioc. Always with out exception. Its not my *personal fault* i'm alcoholic. It's my sober life now and i can always change it for the better if i want to. Nothing can stop me from living the life i want today except myself.

It does amaze me that so many recovering [and recovered] alcoholics continue to take personal exceptions and formulate many *personal* reasons why they "want to drink" and why they "want to be sober" and suffer through their growing pains for no reason except for being self-centered and selfish hand-in-glove with their alcoholism.

Wakeup, you can see you're own distorted thinking yourself, so why not go all the way and take blaming yourself for your "alcoholic wants and challenges" off the friggin' menu. Be done with it and move on.

Cheers!

Rob

RobbyRobot

My alcoholism wants to drink, not me. I'm sober now. I understand the differences between me and my alcoholism. It's a dangerous slope when i can't distinguish those differences. At those times i would best to be rigorously honest with how my alcoholism is getting the better of my being and staying sober.

This is not just semantics. If my alcoholism is arrested than it is not a part of my sober living experiences. If i'm having alcoholic "drinking reasons or excuses" its nothing to do with my personal wants and everything to do with my alcoholism not being arrested.

Rob

Norther

Er...for "we" in my post, read "me and my alcoholism," if you like. I'm trying to keep it simple here, for my own sake. Parsing notions never kept me sober, even though it's something I do for a living.

DayTrader

I heard a talk by Sandy B where he said the biggest cause of alcoholism is sobriety - i.e. "Holy cow, I'm sober....do you have something that can fix this?"




You hit the nail on the head WakeUp! EVERY time I've started feeling crumby, improving my spiritual condition has solved whatever was beating me up.

Sometimes I guess it feels normal (or maybe I just LIKE it) to worry, be upset, be mad, feel frustrated, feel useless, etc. (all the bedevilments on p52)

I'm still learning to go to God more quickly, though. It's impossible to argue with the results.

RobbyRobot

Like i said, this is not semantics, imo. "Parsing notions" hahaha, i haven't heard it said like that in a long time.

Any ways, i'm just saying that alcoholism for me is distinct from my personality. My personality never kept me drunk or sober.

RR

Mark75

That's fascinating and resonates Robby... Distinguishing one's alcoholism from one's own personality. But it doesn't always seem possible, really, for me, at this time. Though I am having some success in that area of late. ie, who and what I am, what I like to do... Seemed so wrapped up in alcohol and dry goods. It has been a lot of work... Parsing that notion (lol).

How do you reconcile the message we get that we have to change everything? Somehow the implication was that one's personality was included in what needed change. I definately see what you are trying to say, and understand, absolutely.

Who am I? My experience has been that the question of identity has been the most challenging of all. Having a good basis in spirituality has been essential as I work towards that self enlightenment.

Hope I am making sense and that Norther doesn't mind my attempt at humor.

Mark

RobbyRobot

Changing everything? Well everything alcoholic yes, anything that gets in the way of being sober sure, changes must be made to ensure sobriety.

"Personality" survives both alcoholism and sobriety. We can't have zero personality traits or behaviours at any time drunk or sober. We are who we are drunk and who we are sober, even if they are remarkably different from each other, they are still within the actual bounds of our "total personality."

Being selfish, for example is a trait of alcoholism, and that trait is also a personality trait in itself. ie not all selfish persons are alcoholic but of course all alcoholics are selfish, yes?

When we get sober though we become less selfish even though we are still alcoholic, imo. Even with my alcoholism completley arrested i will still be selfish to some degree because it is a human personality trait.

So, there comes a tipping point where my personality can be revealed to me in a way that is beyond my experiences with alcoholism and sobriety. I am a real blood-n-flesh person at the end of the day, not just a sober alcoholic, yes?

So with that thinking and awareness in mind, i reconcile any messages about my alcoholism , my sobriety, and my personal "self" without great difficulties.

thanks for asking, Mark

warmly,

Rob

Mark75

Yes

Norther

My goodness. I hear a lot of talk in the rooms about "my alcoholic voice/personality" which I have taken to be a spillover from Rational Recovery. I don't care where it comes from, of course, but it does seem riskily and unnecessarily disintegrative of the sense of self, and raises for me the thought that I might blame this renegade portion of my self for a slip one fine day: "It wasn't me; it was him." If it works for you, that's fine, of course, but I have come to prefer - this time in AA - simplicity over "nuance", a word which sounds suspiciously like "nonsense". De gustibus non disputandum est, and ain't it a lovely day? This last represents my final and unalterable position!

RobbyRobot

In Propria Persona

indeed, 'tis a grand day!

warm regards,
Rob