Heading of to rehab June 4th and scared.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: No. VA
Posts: 167
Heading of to rehab June 4th and scared.
I've toyed with the idea of quitting since college. Now I think it is time to get serious if I ever want to do anything with my life. I'm going to a 4 week in patient rehab that is supposed to be very good.
I graduated and then went to live in Australia for a year. I had an absolute blast (no pun intended lol) living in Sydney, Melbourne, and The barrier reef. I made friends from all around the world.
However, I found myself needing alcohol to be comfortable and by the time I left I was drinking a fifth of vodka a day if not more.
I've been here on this board for a few years, and my drinking has just gotten worse (as it does with anyone who is alcoholic). Sometimes I still think to myself that maybe I am not alcoholic, which is insane. I have been in trouble with the law several times and the root cause was because I was drunk.
The hardest part for me is going to be losing that desire to drink. I have had some damn good times while partying and drinking. When I don't have any in my system, I feel nervous and unsure of myself and have trouble thinking clearly. I was never a social misfit or an outcast growing up so I am pretty sure that this anxiety is directly related to my heavy drinking.
Also, its when I start to feel better that I will want to go out and drink, then it just becomes as cycle of slight soberity, followed by drunkeness, followed by 3 days of hell dextoxing, followed by drunkeness...etc. Terrible cycle to be caught up in.
Anyway, some of you may remember me, maybe not. But im back and hope to be back for good.
I graduated and then went to live in Australia for a year. I had an absolute blast (no pun intended lol) living in Sydney, Melbourne, and The barrier reef. I made friends from all around the world.
However, I found myself needing alcohol to be comfortable and by the time I left I was drinking a fifth of vodka a day if not more.
I've been here on this board for a few years, and my drinking has just gotten worse (as it does with anyone who is alcoholic). Sometimes I still think to myself that maybe I am not alcoholic, which is insane. I have been in trouble with the law several times and the root cause was because I was drunk.
The hardest part for me is going to be losing that desire to drink. I have had some damn good times while partying and drinking. When I don't have any in my system, I feel nervous and unsure of myself and have trouble thinking clearly. I was never a social misfit or an outcast growing up so I am pretty sure that this anxiety is directly related to my heavy drinking.
Also, its when I start to feel better that I will want to go out and drink, then it just becomes as cycle of slight soberity, followed by drunkeness, followed by 3 days of hell dextoxing, followed by drunkeness...etc. Terrible cycle to be caught up in.
Anyway, some of you may remember me, maybe not. But im back and hope to be back for good.
Right Where I am Suppose to be
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 380
Good for you, YOURE makin the descision to do something about your drinking!!!! Get Honest with youre self & give it your best shot, its your life, YOU & only YOU can either make it or break it. I wish you all the best on your journey.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 583
tryingtolive
They chain you up in the basement and rinse you off with a fire hose every two days. The bread is a little hard but spit on it first to soften it up.
Oh wait,,, that is jail I was writing about where that drink will take you..
Going to treatment is like going to camp. While they do have rules and good food they don't chain you up. It will be OK. Just let them do their thing, like any hospital let them do their job so you can get better.
AG
They chain you up in the basement and rinse you off with a fire hose every two days. The bread is a little hard but spit on it first to soften it up.
Oh wait,,, that is jail I was writing about where that drink will take you..
Going to treatment is like going to camp. While they do have rules and good food they don't chain you up. It will be OK. Just let them do their thing, like any hospital let them do their job so you can get better.
AG
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: No. VA
Posts: 167
Originally Posted by AlwaysGrowing 
tryingtolive
They chain you up in the basement and rinse you off with a fire hose every two days. The bread is a little hard but spit on it first to soften it up.
Oh wait,,, that is jail I was writing about where that drink will take you..
They chain you up in the basement and rinse you off with a fire hose every two days. The bread is a little hard but spit on it first to soften it up.
Oh wait,,, that is jail I was writing about where that drink will take you..
Thanks for the post...I like the sarcasim.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I too had a lot of good times when I drank
then......all my fun bottles were empty....and I kept drinking.
that's when I realized I was addicted to alcohol.
I did not go to a treatment center...but straight
into AA recovery. I've been a recovered
alcoholic for years....it's a fantastic life!
Welcome back to SR.....
then......all my fun bottles were empty....and I kept drinking.
that's when I realized I was addicted to alcohol.
I did not go to a treatment center...but straight
into AA recovery. I've been a recovered
alcoholic for years....it's a fantastic life!
Welcome back to SR.....
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 525
you are my hero! You've looked yourself straight in the eye, sized up the situation, and made a brave and courageous decision. You got courage!
This is the best decision you can make for yourself. Deal with this affliction now, before it creates problems & problems more problems for you.
I have a lot of 60+ family in my life, and i think to myself "how much better their life would have been if they would have dealt with their problem.
Instead, they became master rationalizers, making up reasons why "they're not an alcoholic".
“Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.”
you've got true wisdom and power my friend.
This is the best decision you can make for yourself. Deal with this affliction now, before it creates problems & problems more problems for you.
I have a lot of 60+ family in my life, and i think to myself "how much better their life would have been if they would have dealt with their problem.
Instead, they became master rationalizers, making up reasons why "they're not an alcoholic".
“Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.”
you've got true wisdom and power my friend.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 261
Hey Tryingtolive, I'm happy to hear that you have decided to make this decision. Although I dont believe that rehabs are a instant cure, I do believe it is a great start because the environment keeps you in a safe place for 30 days. Reading your post, I feel that we have many similarities. I even feel that we are around the same age. By the way, I am 27 and started my drinking in college.
Just to give a brief summary about myself. I ended up going to a in patient rehab for 30 days and a lot of it was because my family really wanted me to go. I had already been 2 weeks sober and still deciding whether I should go. I fought it until the last day and decided to go to ease my family's mind. It was ridiculously expensive and I felt so much shame and guilt that my parents had to pay for this just so that I can get better. The price tag for the treatment center was 30K, however. This really motivated me to try to learn everything I can and to do everything right. Although I had the right intentions, I wasnt really doing it "right". Basically, I wasnt in there for me. After leaving the 30 day place, I felt great and was excited to return back to my normal life. I stayed sober for 10 months and relapsed this past New Year's eve. During those 10 months, I went to 10 meetings the first 10 days out of rehab and just stopped going. I felt that if I didnt drink, life would be okay. Well I was wrong. Life was miserable during those 10 months and I ended up isolating to myself. The people that I burned, when I was drunk, I didnt know how to resurrect our relationship so I just ignored it. Life without friends is horrible and I truly hated life but I didnt drink. So i'm thinking "wtf" I thought life was supposed to be all spectacular when you stop drinking. Anyways, new sobriety date is 3/2/10 and these last 3 months have been so much better.
I'm beginning to believe that my higher power laid this route for me so that I can be where I am at today. Being scared is okay. You are going into a place that you have never ventured into before. Dont be scared though because all the patients in there are dealing with the same problems and the staff there is supposed to help you. At my place, all the staff members were either recovering addicts or had family who were addicts. So everyone there is connected to addiction in one way or another.
For yourself, be honest to yourself and when you do all the exercises and group stuff. Be honest and let it all out. Now the important thing is that after you leave the place. Please dont think that you are automatically cured. Hate to say it but alcoholism is a lifelong disease. The rehab will give you tools to use in order to deal with alcoholism but it is up to you to actually use those tools. When you leave the place, make sure you have a plan, like AA or some other recovery program. The idea is to be constantly proactive in your recovery. Anyways, I feel like I have rambled a bit but I wish you the best while you are in there and when you come out.
Just to give a brief summary about myself. I ended up going to a in patient rehab for 30 days and a lot of it was because my family really wanted me to go. I had already been 2 weeks sober and still deciding whether I should go. I fought it until the last day and decided to go to ease my family's mind. It was ridiculously expensive and I felt so much shame and guilt that my parents had to pay for this just so that I can get better. The price tag for the treatment center was 30K, however. This really motivated me to try to learn everything I can and to do everything right. Although I had the right intentions, I wasnt really doing it "right". Basically, I wasnt in there for me. After leaving the 30 day place, I felt great and was excited to return back to my normal life. I stayed sober for 10 months and relapsed this past New Year's eve. During those 10 months, I went to 10 meetings the first 10 days out of rehab and just stopped going. I felt that if I didnt drink, life would be okay. Well I was wrong. Life was miserable during those 10 months and I ended up isolating to myself. The people that I burned, when I was drunk, I didnt know how to resurrect our relationship so I just ignored it. Life without friends is horrible and I truly hated life but I didnt drink. So i'm thinking "wtf" I thought life was supposed to be all spectacular when you stop drinking. Anyways, new sobriety date is 3/2/10 and these last 3 months have been so much better.
I'm beginning to believe that my higher power laid this route for me so that I can be where I am at today. Being scared is okay. You are going into a place that you have never ventured into before. Dont be scared though because all the patients in there are dealing with the same problems and the staff there is supposed to help you. At my place, all the staff members were either recovering addicts or had family who were addicts. So everyone there is connected to addiction in one way or another.
For yourself, be honest to yourself and when you do all the exercises and group stuff. Be honest and let it all out. Now the important thing is that after you leave the place. Please dont think that you are automatically cured. Hate to say it but alcoholism is a lifelong disease. The rehab will give you tools to use in order to deal with alcoholism but it is up to you to actually use those tools. When you leave the place, make sure you have a plan, like AA or some other recovery program. The idea is to be constantly proactive in your recovery. Anyways, I feel like I have rambled a bit but I wish you the best while you are in there and when you come out.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Originally Posted by tryingtolive
The hardest part for me is going to be losing that desire to drink. I have had some damn good times while partying and drinking. When I don't have any in my system, I feel nervous and unsure of myself and have trouble thinking clearly.
Originally Posted by tryingtolive
Also, its when I start to feel better that I will want to go out and drink, then it just becomes as cycle of slight sobriety, followed by drunkenness, followed by 3 days of hell detoxing, followed by drunkenness...etc. Terrible cycle to be caught up in.
Stick with it and be as open to change as you can....you too will be amazed before you're halfway through.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: No. VA
Posts: 167
UPDATE:
After the 30 days, I was sent to FL for more treatment for 5 months. I did not agree to that and was resentful. I did complete and had 6 months of clean time (I will not say sober because I was not, I was dry)
I completed and then went to a halfway house that was very lax. I drank the first night I was there. I also got in a relationship with a heroin addict girl from rehab. Needless to say that relationship ended up with me getting hurt. I would put together a week, maybe a month and then just get the urge to use something. Drinking wasn't always an option because you would get breathalyzed so I would do nitrus, Kratom, and roxys. I got away with roxys a few times because they never really drug tested me knowing that my drug of chioce is alcohol.
I managed to land a decent job and moved out last may into an apartment. The people I live with are sober and have been for over a year. I don't have much time, but I can say that I am going into recovery full force. I am putting aside all my bias towards god (its not that i think god hates me or anything, I just simply think that there isn't a god and certainly no afterlife) and just working the steps. I have a sponsor who I call everyday. I am about to write a sincere 4th step.
I still have the urge to use and want to drink on weekends, but that pretty much means being sick as hell sunday and monday if I were to drink fri and sat. Its a vicious cycle that I want to break.
I hangout with sober people and see them happy and content. This is what I want. Right now at this moment, I want more than anything to just be happy without having to drink.
People say the steps got them that. Its pretty evident, so right now im just shutting up and listening and doing what my sponsor tells me.
After the 30 days, I was sent to FL for more treatment for 5 months. I did not agree to that and was resentful. I did complete and had 6 months of clean time (I will not say sober because I was not, I was dry)
I completed and then went to a halfway house that was very lax. I drank the first night I was there. I also got in a relationship with a heroin addict girl from rehab. Needless to say that relationship ended up with me getting hurt. I would put together a week, maybe a month and then just get the urge to use something. Drinking wasn't always an option because you would get breathalyzed so I would do nitrus, Kratom, and roxys. I got away with roxys a few times because they never really drug tested me knowing that my drug of chioce is alcohol.
I managed to land a decent job and moved out last may into an apartment. The people I live with are sober and have been for over a year. I don't have much time, but I can say that I am going into recovery full force. I am putting aside all my bias towards god (its not that i think god hates me or anything, I just simply think that there isn't a god and certainly no afterlife) and just working the steps. I have a sponsor who I call everyday. I am about to write a sincere 4th step.
I still have the urge to use and want to drink on weekends, but that pretty much means being sick as hell sunday and monday if I were to drink fri and sat. Its a vicious cycle that I want to break.
I hangout with sober people and see them happy and content. This is what I want. Right now at this moment, I want more than anything to just be happy without having to drink.
People say the steps got them that. Its pretty evident, so right now im just shutting up and listening and doing what my sponsor tells me.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,889
I sure can relate as a few statements of yours stood out for me.
I one time wondered if I was an alcoholic or not. Then I realized it matter much less on what I called myself. What mattered more was recognizing I had a problem and knowing what to do about it. I decided that I needed to change for the better and leave the alcohol behind.
The desire to drink faded away as the willingness to make healthy lifestyle changes took over my thinking. Its been a wonderful accomplishment to get out of that crazy making cycle that drinking put me in.
Originally Posted by tryingtolive
~Sometimes I still think to myself that maybe I am not alcoholic, which is insane.~
~The hardest part for me is going to be losing that desire to drink.~
~its when I start to feel better that I will want to go out and drink, then it just becomes as cycle of slight soberity, followed by drunkeness, followed by 3 days of hell dextoxing, followed by drunkeness...etc. ~
~The hardest part for me is going to be losing that desire to drink.~
~its when I start to feel better that I will want to go out and drink, then it just becomes as cycle of slight soberity, followed by drunkeness, followed by 3 days of hell dextoxing, followed by drunkeness...etc. ~
The desire to drink faded away as the willingness to make healthy lifestyle changes took over my thinking. Its been a wonderful accomplishment to get out of that crazy making cycle that drinking put me in.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: « USA » Recovered with AVRT (Rational Recovery) ___________
Posts: 3,680
Not keen on rehab myself, but KellyEurope has many posts on his experience with inpatient rehab. You can search for his posts on SR by using the "search" button at the top of the page, or perhaps you can contact him via PM.
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