DayWalker

Just got back from a fishing trip week....and going on another in a day or two for a week. Last week was great, had fun and enjoyed it. But did have one time where it made me think......hmmmmmm

I posted about this before I left, and took advice here and told the one guy on the trip no drinking at my place. Well he did well.....except for the last day. It ended up he & I at the cabin for 6 hrs and nothing nut beer/vodka in his hands at the cabin

I'm okay with the beer....but Vodka....ugh!

Anyway....Week went by and I didnt drink at all. But that one night with him and the beer/vodka....I wished to hell I could join him. And I hate that I felt that way, but I did. I had a good time withouth drinking....but I did have those feelings when I seen that fifth of vodka.

I know I did okay....but any advice for next time?

Steve

Boleo

I myself will spend a limited amount of time with someone who drinks but I always make sure that I have an escape route planed in case it goes on too long.

yeahgr8

Cmon man you spent a whole night with a drinking buddy whilst he got slowly pissed and you are an alcoholic...what did you think would happen hehe

IMO 3 things are gonna happen, providing you dont drink of course:

1. As happened to you there will be some thoughts about how good it would be to join in but know you musnt
2. You will recoil at the very sight of his drinking and be disgusted by it
3. You wont be affected at all and be so amazed at how well you did and how it doesnt even bother you anymore that you will take a drink soon enough rationalising that maybe it was just a stage you went through...

So good news it was one of the first two!

What you felt is so normal given the situation you put yourself in, not too happy for you for doing this to be honest...you are in early recovery and got a touch of luck and didnt pick up...

Once you are recovered, steps, you can go to these occasions if the reason is right but you do need an exit strategy if it gets too much...its all about how much you value your sobriety and we know that if you go out again, like me, we might not be coming back...

Just to reiterate i think you got very lucky indeed...i wouldn't keep pushing it if it was me:-)

DayWalker

That was the one bud lol.

I did good, but that night when he broke out the fifth of Popov....I admit I had thoughts. But I didn't give in. But I hated being there and won't put myself in that situation again.

Steve

Dee74

Make sure everyone understand the no alcohol rule next time, for sure, Steve.

You made it and that's great - kudos to you - but lifes too short to have to endure days like that mate - and I know you did....

D

DayWalker

I made the "no beer" rule clear ahead of time. But the last day he actually asked me on the way back to town if I mined...and I said "no go ahead".

I think looking back now I said okay because I maybe had some "alterative motives" know what I mean? but just somehow had the power to not follow through on them. I feel good I stayed sober, but I know I do need to get ahold of my sponsor tommorow and talk about this stuff for sure.

Steve

loveon2legs

Good on ya for not drinking!!! that's a hard situation to be in... it would be like my friends or husband bringing a bottle of wine home..and drinking it in front of me..would be so uncomfortable..not to mention disrespectful....I think it's important during our early recovery stages to really "mind the company we keep" we certainly can't control others drinking, but we can control our reaction to it!! (something I'm learning!!)

Take care

rws177

I do the same thing.....

CAPTAINZING2000

That'd have the same effect on me as watching someone eat steak while I was hungry.
Be honest with your friend about what, is going on. I learned early on in recovery, everyone I drank with isn't going to stop becuase I had to. However, the people I was friends with asked if, it would bother me if, they had a drink. The people that, abused alcohol didn't care..


Even after years if not drinking, I limit myself to being around people that drink a lot. We have consequences when, we drink alcohol. I like hanging around with people drinking like I want to hang around with people that have the flu. It's just not a good idea if, i want to stay well

Toronto68

I just found this, after asking about it somewhere else earlier.

I guess I agree with avoiding having drinking around again in that context, maybe things would change next year or before winter hits; somewhere down the road. The part about the exit strategy - and exit availability - is what makes sense to me. Being at a place where somebody is drinking in front of you is one thing, but then in a more remote place, it's something else. Maybe easier to give in to the thought.

Then there is the idea about your renewed pleasure in being out there in that scenery, with the woods, water and animals and fish...maybe behind that feeling of contentment there is a "false congratulation" or "false celebration" notion that creeps in. That idea of "adding" to the good feeling with alcohol icing, which of course is as smart as smoking next to a fuel tank for us. I think I had one of those in the last week or so, after I felt like I had accomplished something in the right direction (interview or something related to the new job search), and then there was this "what can we add to this" feeling. Caught myself!

And this is the first spring/summer of sobriety since the dawn of ages, blah blah; first lots of things for the next while.

I hung on to the satisfaction in catching myself though, because I need that. That's the only way I understand what all this talk about "tools" is all about (using your tools of sobriety). For me, it means understanding the thoughts and their origin, and then changing the channel in my brain. I don't know what the sponsor would say, but hopefully he will like the idea that you saw the difference between "hmmm...join in?" and not actually doing.

When I looked at Gr8's 1, 2, 3 that reminded me of other things that are somehow synonymous with (or reminiscent of) alcohol, besides alcohol itself - like perfume/cologne and certain toothpaste varieties. Sometimes they're vile for me and remind me of rye or bourbon or the "mixed drinks," even though it has been years since I had those. I resent other people's fragrances and hair crap even more now, ha ha.

DayTrader

Check - me too. Early in recovery, having escape route prior to leaving home for whatever event it is that you're going to is critical. Don't expect to figure one out once you're there. When that urge hits.... you better already have a workable plan in your back pocket or you WON'T take the time to sit and figure one out. You'll just drink........again.......

I went to a wedding (in my first couple months - when I was working my program of recovery.....which totally sucked by the way )and everything was cool until dinner and desserts were over. The person I went with (i can't drive for a while) knew the deal and I warned her in advance that I may just need to get the 'f' outta there if I give her the high-sign. We left and maaan was that the right call. Had I not set that up in advance with my friend.......I probably would have felt guilty about needing to bail, would have stayed, and might have gone back for "just one little drink."

yeahgr8

I'll share something with you guys!

I got an email from an old friend of mine 2 days ago, we were very close, he signed it off your best friend forever...that close!

Now my first reaction is that it would be cool to see him, but would it? I haven't seen him since i got sober and know he is doing the same old stuff. I know he would respect what i am doing...for a time!

Thing is we may look at friends and think bastards they drank in front of me when i said i was an alcoholic etc...and most of the 'friends' we had drinking don't really care about us but i know this guy does...BUT i also know that he will want the old cliff back, because him and the new cliff literally have nothing in common today...

I'm talking about my situation with my friend here not Steve's, but i no longer share my friends views, i dont ridicule people anymore, i dont feel that i need to have external things to complete myself, i actually quite like the person in the mirror and im starting to find out what i really believe and think about things...becoming an individual...i believe that the steps are important, or if you dont know them the guidelines in the New Testament (even someone who has never gone to AA or read a bible can guess that it sums up as being nice to people and helping others and living a life that you are proud of)...this is very, very important to me now...

So all that said i am no longer willing to stand with people who dont think it is important and i wont...whereas before i would have let any comment of action slide i cant anymore...i dont agree with my old behaviour at all and i dont want to be associated with it today because i dont live like that anymore...im not ashamed of it and im not scard of it but i am not that person anymore!

There is a saying ive heard many times...to thine own self be true...i always thought it was BS as i thought with most things...when i bump into him im going to have to have a chat and just explain, in a nice way, i cant stand with you anymore mate...and it will upset him greatly...but i just dont see life the same way anymore...

And Toronto that feeling of elation and there is something missing, i am going on hols tomorrow and was getting excited about it this afternoon and just for a second i felt like a sad feeling and thought whats up with me then realised...oh i know and laughed...its as dangerous for us in the highs as the lows...and remember, like me in the first 6 months, you have been off work and been getting sober and been 'struggling' to create a new life for yourself...when the good times roll again, when there is more than enough money in the pocket, when people all around want to know you and invite you out and when you meet a special person thats the time that we had better hope we have done enough work on ourselves...and be vigilant...wrote that as much for myself:-)

It was drilled into me again and again by my sponsor the work you do in the early days will, at the end of the day, determine whether you pick up again...and i 100% believe that...

Well that was a long post but was good to get down about my friend!