wvuwhat

I was doing so well. I was in the chat room last night talking about my iPad and how it's helped me keep my mind occupied. I was 10 days sober last night.

However, I gained today on the stock market. I've been unemployed for a year (partial reason for me drinking), but have been buying and selling stocks, breaking even and doing o.k. But, after today's big bust through I'm up A LOT. A LOT A LOT. Capitalization doesn't even do this justice. I was at home, and my buddies called me when they heard market close.

So, I was taken from my house by my 3 best friends, they know I'm recovering, but didn't care.

So...I went to a bar tonight, it's been 11 days since my last drink. Usually, after a day like today I would be 13+ drinks deep right now. Fortunately, I only had 3 shots and 2 beers tonight, about 1/2 of what I would normally drink.

I feel like I've failed, but I wanted to share my "success" with someone, and I had a designated driver for tonight.

Either way, I've failed and I'd love to hear what someone in my position would do. I guess I have to head to A.A. to learn how to cope with days like today.

Thank you for listening. At least I'm able to actually type this out. Usually, I'm 4x's as drunk at this point. So, I guess I've had some sort of "break through."

Taking5

As am alcoholic, I'd drink after a good day like that, or after a bad one - it did not matter. I am not sure analyzing why you drank is a meaningful question. AA should help if you follow instructions. Have you been going to AA?

Norther

You were more serious about maintaining your old patterns with your buddies than you were about staying sober. Not surprising, really, for an alcoholic. You know what to do now (again).

Nevertheless

The important thing is for you to keep coming back, and stick with this. But if you really want to stay sober, your gonna have to change the way you think.

Once you find out how much Lord Obama is going to want out of your "gain". You are going to want to go back to the bar again.

You see, it never stops. There is always a reason to go get drunk. (there was for me anyway).

Now after I've had the best day or the worst day, I myself see no reason to drink. I have changed the way I think. Getting drunk in not appealing to me anymore.

As several people here have been saying. Since being sober I have yet to wake up in the morning and exclaim. (Man I sure do wish I would have got drunk last night).

Keep coming back.
Fred

Mark75

All an alcoholic needs to decide to go ahead an drink, even when they didn't plan on it, is an excuse.... good news, bad news, nice day, rainy day....

If you are an alcoholic and are willing to do whatever it takes to not drink, then a program of action is needed. You mentioned AA, that's the program I use, but some kind of plan, some direction is often required if you have a compulsion to drink... Just not drinking doesn't work for many of us.

Dust yourself off, you maybe learned something you needed to last night. What you do with that new found knowledge is up to you. Alcohol is cunning, baffling and powerful, we are no match by ourselves.

Welcome to SR!! Glad to have you.

Mark

smacked

While I'm assuming you weren't kidnapped against your will...you may want to start making new friends. I had to get rid of all the toxic people from my life, and haven't regretted it yet.

When you're ready, and you're working a recovery program.. there isn't an excuse on this earth that will be reason enough to drink.

tomvlll

Yeah. That's what I did. And many others.
AA has a program of recovery that removed my obsession to drink

But I must caution, just 'going to AA' will not do the trick.

CarolD

yes.....AA is where I learned to live a sober
joy filled life. ......I certainly hope you will go.


Welcome back to SR

zbear23

I used to define a "good day," as one where things went my way. A bad day was when they didn't (as in losing on the market).

Sobriety has changed the way I think. Now a "good day" is one in which I practice the principles of recovery in all my affairs, regardless of what the world offers me. A bad day is when I allow my insanity to determine my actions.

All this means is that I never, ever can honestly blame anyone or anything else for my own thinking, feeling or behavior.....or my drinking.

Perhaps you are starting to get the meaning of "if you are willing to go to ANY lengths to stay sober" .... exceptions to "any" are not offered.

It took me a lot of time, pain and suffering to develop the requisite willingness to not allow myself any "exceptions." The only thing a drink can do for me today is make any situation worse. The 1st step is quite clear on this, and the 2nd step informs me that it is only my insanity that allows me to, once again....think that this time it will be different.

Besides the drinking, what other behaviors have you been changing?

blessings
zenbear

Peter

An oldtimer at AA meetings used to say.

If you won a million dollars "Dont Drink!"

If your ass falls off "Dont Drink!"

Good business decision. Bad way to celebrate.

Stay in recovery. In time you will learn to make better choices for yourself.

You have not failed. You just failed the test.

keithj

So what does someone like a real alcoholic who has lost the power of choice in taking a drink do?

Norther

Try not to drink again, pray if you can, go to meetings. That's the "short form."

Mark75

Bit of a conundrum isn't it.... I completely "get" and agree with losing the power of choice... understanding that was key to my own recovery.

I went the treatment center route... The choice was taken away from me by powers greater than myself... law enforcement among them... for two months so I didn't drink, couldn't drink. It was afterward, with a couple months of not drinking, that I got into AA and began to truly understand powerlessness... and God's will, not my own.

That's my experience.

What do we do for that time between the last drink and the awakening that is the first three steps, and then of course, all of them... Isn't there a time when we just have to sit on our hands and not drink no matter what?

Mark

Kjell

What a GREAT post and exactly what I needed to read today. Thank you.

rws177

I agree that I had to find a new group to hang out with. After a good day these people will not be picking me up to go to a bar, that is for sure....

sunrise1

I was not aware failure was possible as long as one kept trying.

I guess I would think of failure if you had continued to drink, said "the heck with it" and never came back here or considered another AA meeting ever.

keithj

Yeah, I get you, and there is some truth to it. If I drink, the craving starts and the cycle is on and all bets are off. So don't drink no matter what is great advice. It works perfectly in all situations.

It's also completely useless for an alcoholic. The problem is when an 'old timer' spouts off that nonsense as a solution. Some people are actually listening in a meeting, and they hear that and think it's the program of AA. In truth, it runs counter to the program of AA. But so and so old timer said it, so it must be true.

I was talking to a woman last week who had been in the meeting rooms for years. Here she was back again, after a few years of out of control drinking that ended in jail and court ordered drug court for the next 2 years.

Firmly entrenched in her mind is that she just needs to not drink for that day, and everything will be OK. Where did she get that absurd idea? Right in the rooms of AA all those years.

It's going to be tough for her to shake off (set aside) that firmly held belief. She's convinced that she just needs to exert more effort (will power) for that day alone. And I'm sure she'll pray. And she will have the illusion of 'doing AA' and everyone will pat her on the butt and tell her how great she's doing. But she will never have a spiritual awakening and truly recover as the result of the Steps. And when the legal pressure is off, she'll be left with herself; unchanged and still with an alcoholic mind. And at some point, she'll be unable to recall the horrors of her past and a drink will make sense.

Hypothetical? Maybe. But it's what happened to her last go round with 1/2 measure sobriety. And it's what happens to countless people in the rooms every year. All because some old timer got greedy with our solution and instead decided to share something that reinforces his ego.

'Just don't drink! I can do it, why can't you? You must not be strong enough or want it bad enough or you're just not ready.'

etc.

Mark75

And that's a shame...

When those who worked with me finally helped me to truly see, it was a great weight that was lifted.... I'll never forget it.

Music

I'm a "real alcoholic"! When I came to AA I found out I had a choice. The choice is simple. To drink, or not to drink.....that is the question!! I called someone, got together with someone, went to a meeting...sometimes two or three in a row in the same day. Calling myself a "real alcoholic" doesn't negate the fact that I have choices. I always did have a choice. Problem is the choice was not in the equation once I took that "first" drink. I learned to do something BEFORE I took that first drink.

The longer we're in/around AA, the less innocent we become. Claiming ignorance doesn't fly.

Ronan

I'm sorry but there is always a choice. The removal of choice is purely psychological - recovery involves beating that mindset.