Horrible weekend
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 261
Horrible weekend
Hello all. I had a bad weekend but thankfully I didnt drink. I'm sure what happened to me this weekend isnt that bad but to me it really flipped my head upside down. In AA they recommend that you shouldnt get into a relationship for the first year and now I know why they say that. I remember people telling me that and sharing their stories but of course, I'm smart and I "know" what i'm doing. This weekend I proved myself wrong.
It was Friday night and I was just about to go to bed because I had ocean swimming Saturday morning at 9 and I was supposed to meet my aunt for breakfast then meet my best friend's mom for lunch. On Sunday, I was supposed to meet my sponsor to work on my steps. As you can see, I had the whole weekend planned.
Well, on Friday night around 11pm, I get a random text from a girl that I met well over 5 months ago. I didnt even have her number stored in my phone so I had to ask who it was. We exchanged a few texts and basically she asked me if I wanted to hangout that night. I guess I was thinking with the wrong head. She came over and we watched tv and started to make out. It was great and she ended up sleeping over. When I woke up the next morning, I had to cancel all my plans that day. In my head, I was high as a kite cause I had a great time with this girl. Being that things went so well, I called her and asked her out for that night (Saturday night). We went out and rented a movie and again she slept over. We got along great then she tells me that this would be it, meaning pretty much it was just a fling. I was pretty devastated. I know the male is supposed to be macho and not wear their heart on their sleeve but I was hurt. I didnt want to marry her or anything but I was hoping that we could continue seeing each other and see where it went, however, she was pretty adamant that there would be nothing more.
I've never had this happen to me before and I am mixed with anger and sadness. I'm angry because had I known that it would turn out like this, I would have not got into this. I'm sad because I miss the feeling of having a significant other. I know I just need to chalk it up and move on with life but it affected me in a negative way and it was something that I didnt see coming. Thank you for reading this and I'm thankful that I get to post this here. As a male, I feel that if I tell my friends, they'll just think i'm so pansy and just tell me to get over it. Thanks for listening everyone.
It was Friday night and I was just about to go to bed because I had ocean swimming Saturday morning at 9 and I was supposed to meet my aunt for breakfast then meet my best friend's mom for lunch. On Sunday, I was supposed to meet my sponsor to work on my steps. As you can see, I had the whole weekend planned.
Well, on Friday night around 11pm, I get a random text from a girl that I met well over 5 months ago. I didnt even have her number stored in my phone so I had to ask who it was. We exchanged a few texts and basically she asked me if I wanted to hangout that night. I guess I was thinking with the wrong head. She came over and we watched tv and started to make out. It was great and she ended up sleeping over. When I woke up the next morning, I had to cancel all my plans that day. In my head, I was high as a kite cause I had a great time with this girl. Being that things went so well, I called her and asked her out for that night (Saturday night). We went out and rented a movie and again she slept over. We got along great then she tells me that this would be it, meaning pretty much it was just a fling. I was pretty devastated. I know the male is supposed to be macho and not wear their heart on their sleeve but I was hurt. I didnt want to marry her or anything but I was hoping that we could continue seeing each other and see where it went, however, she was pretty adamant that there would be nothing more.
I've never had this happen to me before and I am mixed with anger and sadness. I'm angry because had I known that it would turn out like this, I would have not got into this. I'm sad because I miss the feeling of having a significant other. I know I just need to chalk it up and move on with life but it affected me in a negative way and it was something that I didnt see coming. Thank you for reading this and I'm thankful that I get to post this here. As a male, I feel that if I tell my friends, they'll just think i'm so pansy and just tell me to get over it. Thanks for listening everyone.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Toronto
Posts: 318
Sorry you went through that, and congratulations on not drinking.
Sad to say, but women make booty calls too. As a general rule, when you get a random text/phone call at 11 PM on a Friday night, it's a pure booty call. Best thing to do is to not respond if you think that you may form an emotional attachment.
Sad to say, but women make booty calls too. As a general rule, when you get a random text/phone call at 11 PM on a Friday night, it's a pure booty call. Best thing to do is to not respond if you think that you may form an emotional attachment.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
You really want a relationship with someone and she wants a quickie and company for a night...you're right you shouldnt be dating in early recovery, was talking to my CBT counselor on Saturday and he said two years...suppose it make sense as its all about having a relationship with yourself first otherwise you will keep attracting people like you...
You feel bad because you want to have a relationship with someone and she wants to have a quickie and stay over...i would strongly advise that you end this now and concentrate on yourself or at least if you are going to continue tell her she can come round for an hour but she isnt sleeping over and you aren't feeding her afterwards...and dont back down on that or you will keep feeling bad, it is what it is...sex...treat it like a visit to the brothel!
You feel bad because you want to have a relationship with someone and she wants to have a quickie and stay over...i would strongly advise that you end this now and concentrate on yourself or at least if you are going to continue tell her she can come round for an hour but she isnt sleeping over and you aren't feeding her afterwards...and dont back down on that or you will keep feeling bad, it is what it is...sex...treat it like a visit to the brothel!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 261
Thanks for the responses everyone.
I just finished talking to my sponsor about the situation. Like I said above, I was supposed to meet him on Sunday to do step work but instead, I was with this girl. On Sunday night, I finally remembered that I was supposed to meet with the sponsor but at the same time, my mind was a mess from the girl situation. I called my sponsor and told him some lie that my car broke down and that is why I missed the appointment with him. I dont even know why I didnt just tell him the truth but at the time, my mind was all over the place and my emotions were all over the place.
After hitting a late meeting tonight, I called him to apologize to him and told him that I lied to him yesterday. We talked about what happened and he said that I should have called him right after it happened. It made me feel better talking to him about it because he has had similar situations.
When I was in rehab last year, one of the speakers mentioned that an individual is at their most emotional vulnerability when they become sexually intimate with another person. I think this is why I was so distraught after what happened. If I had just made out with her and that is it, it would have been a lot easier to brush off. However, because I chose to go further, I allowed myself to be vulnerable with this person.
Even though alcohol didnt play a factor during or after this event, I believe that we are all here to better ourselves. From this situation, I have learned that I need to slow things down and think situations through, even if it has nothing to do with drugs or alcohol. This incident pretty much crippled me just like alcohol did. So hopefully I learned my lesson and wont be repeating this mistake. My sponsor tells me instead of being angry at her, I should thank her because I was able to learn from the situation. I dont think I'm quite at that stage yet but in time, I guess i'll thank her.
I just finished talking to my sponsor about the situation. Like I said above, I was supposed to meet him on Sunday to do step work but instead, I was with this girl. On Sunday night, I finally remembered that I was supposed to meet with the sponsor but at the same time, my mind was a mess from the girl situation. I called my sponsor and told him some lie that my car broke down and that is why I missed the appointment with him. I dont even know why I didnt just tell him the truth but at the time, my mind was all over the place and my emotions were all over the place.
After hitting a late meeting tonight, I called him to apologize to him and told him that I lied to him yesterday. We talked about what happened and he said that I should have called him right after it happened. It made me feel better talking to him about it because he has had similar situations.
When I was in rehab last year, one of the speakers mentioned that an individual is at their most emotional vulnerability when they become sexually intimate with another person. I think this is why I was so distraught after what happened. If I had just made out with her and that is it, it would have been a lot easier to brush off. However, because I chose to go further, I allowed myself to be vulnerable with this person.
Even though alcohol didnt play a factor during or after this event, I believe that we are all here to better ourselves. From this situation, I have learned that I need to slow things down and think situations through, even if it has nothing to do with drugs or alcohol. This incident pretty much crippled me just like alcohol did. So hopefully I learned my lesson and wont be repeating this mistake. My sponsor tells me instead of being angry at her, I should thank her because I was able to learn from the situation. I dont think I'm quite at that stage yet but in time, I guess i'll thank her.
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