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How do you reconcile your past with where you are now?



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How do you reconcile your past with where you are now?

Old 05-23-2010, 03:48 AM
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How do you reconcile your past with where you are now?

Hi everybody,

First, thanks to all that contribute to this site - so much insightful information has helped - which is why I am posing this question now..

Now that I have tackled the not drinking or wanting to part.. I sure have a lot of time to think (lol)... especially about mistakes in the past and obsessing over wishing that I had done things differently, or sooner or not at all - I think you know the drill.

What are doing or have you done to get on with the positive? In times where you condemn yourself, any tips that you use to break out of that?

I really look forward to your answers!!

Thanks,

Pork
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Old 05-23-2010, 03:58 AM
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It tied me in knots too Pork - I hurt a lot of people and wasted a lot of years in self indulgence.

Eventually, I had to accept the past was gone - it remains forever out of my reach now.

I can make amends to a certain extent, but thats about as far as it goes.

What I can change or influence is what I do today.... and that's where I've tried to focus my energies.

I've tried my best the last three years to live the way I should have all along. I don;t know whether it makes reparation for the 20 years I pretty much wantonly squandered, but it's the best I can do - and I'm content with that now.

I drew a line in the sand...and I moved on.

D
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Old 05-23-2010, 04:00 AM
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Thank you for this interesting thread. If my past did not happen and I did not hit bottom, I could not reached my sobriety. I've lost every thing but I've got sobriety now. So my sobriety,health and spirituality now is important for me. My spiritual thought helps to sooth my regret as well.
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Old 05-23-2010, 04:03 AM
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Are you in AA? This was not clear from your post.

The big book of AA promises us "we will not regret the past nor shut the door on it". IMHO, this comes as a result of working the 12 steps of AA, particularly steps 4 thru 9
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
This is the way to do it, IMHO.

All quotes from the 1st edition on the big book of alcoholics anonymous
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Old 05-23-2010, 04:14 AM
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AA,or not...we all regret certain ways we were,and things we did in the past..much of it blindly whilst under the influence...you can only change today and do things better and differently..once you understand how too..sure no one can change the past..to dwell on is no good either..going forward with new vigour/intention/understanding, staying clean and healthy..is the start for me to make better days...
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Old 05-23-2010, 04:33 AM
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I am new to sobriety, but I am feeling LESS bad about my past than I did when I was drinking. At least now I am doing something positive. Hopefully I will be able to make amends sometime in the future for all the idiotic things I have done under the influence. For now, staying sober is the main thing that I can do to help me right my wrongs.

When I was drinking I was consumed by guilt and worry. After about 45 days of being sober, my guilt (and depression?) decreased a lot. Now I don't constantly have flashbacks of embarrassing moments. I am SO thankful for that.
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Old 05-23-2010, 04:51 AM
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yeah AA steps for me too, could never stay sober for more than a few months with the monkey on my back!
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Old 05-23-2010, 06:20 AM
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Every experience we have in life make me who I am today. Unfortunately, I have had a lot of bad experiences and done some bad things. What this does give me however is the benefit of experience and opportunities to apply those experiences both the good and bad in positive ways today. These experiences are unique to me and combined with genetics make me who I am. I am a stronger better person by coming out on the other side. This is how I resolve the things I have done. I try and take all my experience and use it in better ways. I will never be a saint by a long stretch, but I act a lot better. This benefit of experience, even the bad is unique to me. I had some role in any harm that came from me from another person. In turn most anyone I have harmed had a role also in what I did to them. I guess I still wonder about how things may have turned out if I had done things differently, but I don't regret things any longer, because it is only by taking the journey I did that I am who I am today.
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Old 05-23-2010, 06:34 AM
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I think this falls under.
Accepting the things we cannot change.
Changing the things we can.
And the wisdom to know the difference.

You can use that past to help you stay sober, because I don't think any of us want to go back what we were like.
Someone else on this forum (sorry don't remember who) put it this way.
If you get caught up in the past, or are worrying about tomorrow. You are pissing on today.

Fred
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Old 05-23-2010, 06:40 AM
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I can't change the past... only what I do today. Letting go and letting my HP is one of the hardest things for me, but if I dwell on my mistakes, or my victimization - it will make me sick. I have to move on. Lots of things loved, lost, and handled badly back there in the past. Many more things to love, keep and handle properly today. When my backpack of crap gets heavy - time to take some stuff out. Its not so heavy today, because I try not to put things in there in the first place, though there is still some weighty items inside. When I realize fully that vengence is not mine... they too will be gone.

I'm not perfect, and not entirely forgiven for all the mistakes I made. I will work to forgive myself, and hopefully those that I hurt, will forgive me in time. Amends are all I can to to that effect.
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Old 05-23-2010, 07:21 AM
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My thoughts are basically the same as the others on this thread-I cannot change anything I said or did or what I didn't do-it's MY cross to bear, & I had just better deal with it. I think the AA principle of "one day at a time" works well here. Don't forget the past, but don't let it discourage or drag you down, either. Live your new life & leave the wreckage of your past behind........
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Old 05-23-2010, 08:02 AM
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I now live my life in a way that guarantees I will never make the same poor choices again.
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Old 05-23-2010, 08:13 AM
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mistakes in the past and obsessing over wishing that I had done things differently, or sooner or not at all
Welcome to The Human Race. I think you've pretty much described everyone on this planet. Regardless of Age, Gender or Social Standing. Whether they drank or not doesn't really matter.
Thank God you see your errors, and see a need for improvement in your future life. It's the ones that don't that I'm concerned about.
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Old 05-23-2010, 10:26 AM
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Originally Posted by smacked View Post
I now live my life in a way that guarantees I will never make the same poor choices again.
▲True for me as well.

My regrets are from the lack of compassion and wisdom. So I now try to live from a place of compassion and wisdom.
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Old 05-23-2010, 10:59 AM
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Great thread, and great responses. I agree with everyone that although I wish I'd done better, here I am. AND I've been given another chance. I now have alot of compassion, as Zen says, for those with addictions and mental illness. So perhaps I can use that compassion/wisdom to help someone else. I know it doesn't feel this way, but you were doing the best you could at the time. We don't know how sick we were until we get sober again.

I don't have any quick tricks, really. But I think we need to have the same compassion for ourselves that we would for another suffering alcoholic. Hugs to you, pork!
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Old 05-23-2010, 04:55 PM
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A bit of perception here?
Everyone has made bad decisions in their lives.
With experiences ..we move forward.

My past mistakes .....includeing the drinking ones dealt with
Gods forgiveness and AA Steps 4 & 5.

I do the present ones with God and
AA Steps 9-10-11-12.

Forward we go...side by side...
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Old 05-23-2010, 05:10 PM
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Thanks to you individually for taking the time to respond to a virtual stranger (literally!!). Collectively you make up this special community here on SR. It is truly amazing and I am very grateful. I am also getting really sappy..but no apologies there!! LOL

Thanks again,

Pork
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Old 05-23-2010, 09:36 PM
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It's easy to move on, but the hardest part is what you leave behind.

Dave Mustaine.
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Old 05-24-2010, 09:04 AM
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I can't change the things that I have done but just try and live every day making postivie choices. Just Sunday I was at my nephews highschool gradation early Saturday morning. I was the first one there and it felt amazing! That would not have happend 6 months ago.
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