sleepie

Howdy all, I had almost three weeks and fell off the wagon hard! Then got three days and fell off less harshly. I'm smarting because I had a whirlwind of activity, a really long work week, long hours and an interview for a job I really want and I got my emotions toyed with by another alcoholic... Too much at once! I was doing well, underemployed- focusing on myself and doing okay with a very limited budget but using the extra time to take long walks, relax and take care of myself mentally- and staying sober. Then all of a sudden, I was required to live like a "normal" person! I fear I may not be ready. I was hospitalized for depression a few months ago and I'm kind of worried that I stress too easily still- I'm working on it but it doesn't happen overnight, you know? I've been drinking too hard for too long and I want to stop, and I've had periods of sobriety here and there. I just don't know how to handle feeling over whelmed. I finally gained access to anti depressants and a therapist- they help but I still have much to do on my own.

KingTrail78

I always say the main thing is don't panic (GOD I wish I could live by that) but it is VERY hard to in these bad times. It seems like everyone is stressed and depressed and need a reality break but some people like us want to make that break a whole lot longer and thats when we get in trouble and addicts are born, at least thats what happened to me. It sounds like you have alot on your plate Sleepie and I understand full well what you are going through. My life has been turned to $hit in the last few days and I would in the past turn to booze and/or dope to escape and it just made things worse so I am trying my hardest to not go that route this time because I simply won't survive this time. However don't beat yourself up for falling of the wagon just get back up and jump back on but try your very best not to fall off again. I hope what I said made sense btw.

schem9

You said my story would help you stay sober last night. I hope it did. It is not an easy thing to do and it will always be lurking around the corner. Walks with my lab always help me look at things in a more positive manner.

Sitting around the house alone is a killer, perfect setting for depression and anxiety to overwhelm you/me.

When my daughter is with me it is easy, I just focus on her and her needs and we generally have a good time.

This may seem funny but having a dog is a big help for me. Dogs are used for all kinds of therapy around the world. You always have companionship. Someone you have to take care of besides yourself. Someone to walk with. Someone to play with. Someone to protect you. They can't talk (thank God) so they will never judge you.

They are animals and need care so you have to be in a place mentally and physically to do it right. I read here on SR a post of someone who was drinking so hard that they couldn't take care of their dog - not good.

I went off on a pro dog tangent. Anyway life is very short and life happens. You can do this and be very happy. Hang in there Sleepie.

sleepie

Thanks you two, I'm sorry if I disappointed... I was doing well last night until around 11 pm. and then I had 4 drinks. Not awful but not good. I love animals! When I get out of my current living situation, I'd like to get a cat. Things are actually going pretty well, I just got a little overwhelmed. My therapist is working with me to find other ways of coping.

least

Not 'funny' at all, you are right on the mark. I depend heavily on my dogs to keep me sane and grounded in reality. They have special needs so being sober makes me a better 'dog-mom' as I am aware and awake and ready to deal with their needs. For a while they were my higher power 'cause of their unconditional love. Whatever keeps you sane and sober!

schem9

Just keep on trying. You'll get it.

Toronto68

Sleepie, even though I have been away from drinking longer, I understand about the coping you have to do as you are getting used to being a "normal person" again, which is not a drinking one in our case. I am easing my way back into my new reality (change in work) too and sometimes I think I can't take very much of it fast enough, but I like the fact that I am making decisions about what will work for me and match up with not drinking. I'm not giving that part up.

I guess you should take the points you like about your last 3 weeks and keep those in mind as you work on staying away from it. I have learned to examine my reactions to things more carefully, and I will need to do that as I keep going. I didn't want to use my brain full-time during my active alcoholism, but I've got to Maybe parts of that apply to you too.

Toronto68

By the way, on the alco friend...I recently had a person I would consider one (and who is still drinking) that presented the option of going to a pub to me more than once, after I pointed out a clear answer that I was not interested. I had already gone over my having quit, so that was all clear a month or two ago. Ask me too many times, and the question will get flung back and the whole thing will be called off if my choice is not good enough. I share a passion for work with that person and probably other ways, but I am perfectly willing to lose the friendship if I am not heard clearly the first time about not my drinking and how being around people that do (an actual pub vs a restaurant with a bar) is not exactly a pleasant thing for me. It would be like asking a married man to go to a place to really scope out "chicks." Yes, it's whether the married man sticks to being married that counts technically, but what would he be doing in there, doing "research"? It's just night and day and when they need to be separate, that's the way it goes. I am not 100% black and white on this, but that's me exercising my judgment in this case.

There are people who like to knock down their friends a notch, either because they have their own problems or it's just amusing or something. Stuff that!

sleepie

Thanks all. I've been very bad lately- not feeling bad but drinking. I am going to reach out a bit to a friend, I think and try to get a few sober days, and then go from there. I realize my actions are ridiculous. The alkie friend was definitely a contributing factor... I wonder if in a way he was trying to get me to this point? He is a very committed alcoholic- I am a problem drinker. We had fun together but he always chose alcohol over me and I told him yesterday that I could not cope with his erratic, mixed messages, drinking, etc. My life is moving forward and the past few days have been a step or two back- but the good things are still there.