Jenny1232

I've kind of been in denial whether I am an alcoholic.. or if my boyfriend is. I suspect he is, but I also tell myself, "oh, it's not that bad".

What is YOUR definition of an alcoholic?

mimi54321

This is a big question with many different points of view dependant on individual experience.

For me, if alcohol is costing you more than money then you are probably an alcoholic.

M

rws177

I define it as my life becoming unmanageable due to my drinking. Such as missing work, school, family events and legal troubles such as DWI.

DayTrader

1. P21 (I have the 4th edition of the AA big book - the one that's current now)
...he begins to lose control of his liquor consumption once he starts to drink.

There's plenty more on p21 and 22. Those pages cover many common characteristics, traits, habits and so forth but the one I typed is the biggie. Non alcoholic drinkers aren't compelled to drink more and more once they have one or two to start. ie, they don't have a craving to drink before or after they start.


2. Roman Numeral xxviii (The Doctor's Opinion)
....(when you're not drinking) They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sens of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks

In other words, life sucks and you just KNOW getting blasted will make you feel better. Here, you're USING the drink FOR something. The kicker is, if you're an alcoholic you've learned to USE booze and you start drinking, #1 above kicks in and you're off to the races on another bender.


3. You can stop at times but, sooner or later, you always end up drinking again (#2) which leads to (#1). So basically, you can't stay stopped.



The AA Big Book talks about "problem drinkers" and "heavy drinkers" as well.....and there's a TON more info on the alcoholic drinker in the first 164 pages too.

CAPTAINZING2000

My inability to always stop at a couple of drinks!!

Mark75

The obsession over alcohol and the compulsion to drink it. Drinking when not wanting to or for no good reason. Drinking more than intended. Drinking when it's not appropriate... driving, work....

loveon2legs

Not being able to stop at just one drink...then all hell breaks loose.....the obsession,when most if not all activities center around alcohol...drinking alone...dui.... life just basically spirals out of control....bits at a time.....

keithj

Definition on pg 44 of BB is pretty simple and pretty accurate. Hard part is seeing the truth about whether or not this definition applies to oneself. For that, there is a whole other 43 +8 (Dr.'s Opinion) pages that relates experience with physical craving, mental obsession, and the hopelessness of the chronic alcoholic.

Boleo

IMO it's these 3 things:

1. You drink more than you intend to.

2. You drink more often than you intend to.

3. You cause more trouble than you intend to.

viavai

For me, denial is huge, but when drinking starts interfering with life, I know there's a problem. The crux for me is that life has become unmanageable--and THAT i cannot deny.

AmericanGirl

For me, I have the slightly cliche but helpful metaphor of Russian Roulette -- that is what drinking was to me. Some times it was fine and I managed to get through a night behaving myself and drinking moderately. Other times it meant I would get blasted and do stupid and/or aggressive things. I had no control over what each time would be.

Also, the consequences: financial disasters, declining health (mental and physical). None of these consequences were worth the perceived benefits.

Jenny1232

See, nearly every activity he enjoys revolves around alcohol. Camping, floating down a river in a tube, doing household chores, going to bars, bbqs, cooking out, campfires, etc - THEY ALL INCLUDE BEER.

To him, it's just what he enjoys. He doesn't think he has a problem.. because it's a couple of beers. To me, it indicates you don't have much going on, WITHOUT beer.

I find sometimes I can stop at one or two drinks.. others I just say screw it and get drunk. Yesterday, I didn't want to drink.. yet I drank an entire bottle of wine to myself...

loveon2legs

Hi AMG... I can really relate to your post... thank-you for sharing...xo

Jenny1232

That's ME! I just.. don't consider myself an alcoholic really. Perhaps a binge drinker at times, but honestly.. I don't think it'd be THAT hard to cut out.. I just don't WANT to eliminate it entirely. That's the common excuse though, isn't it?

I am.. in denial. For sure.

thisisme

Anyone who drinks.
Every sip makes you slip further into the pitcher plant.

DayTrader

The fact of the matter is nobody will can (likely) convince him he has a problem. Even if they can, nobody can make him do anything about it.

Does it make sense to be dating someone who doesn't "have much going on, WITHOUT beer?" I mean...I've BEEN that guy and it turns out I was an alcoholic. If that's his path, do yourself a favor and get out of the way - go find someone who's capable of loving you the way you deserve to be loved right now.

You seem smart enough to know that you just described the beginning "stages" of a drinking problem. Alcoholic or not?.... only you can determine that once you spend some time really getting honest with yourself (I needed help to get honest.....my denial system was entrenched big time) & learn about the disease.

If you ARE, and you want to do something about it, I can tell you...... AA will get you past the booze AND it'll give you a killer toolbox to work on the other crap that's goin on in your life too. (no AA comes in with JUUUUUST a drinking problem. )

DayTrader

My AA sponsor has 14 years sober. He was a binge drinker. Once a month.....maybe twice. He'd sometimes go for 2 or 3 months...... How much (volume) and how often (frequency) are of no matter when it comes to alcoholism.

Can't always control how much you drink
Drink at times when you plan not to or don't want to
Can't stay stopped.

.....and I don't know that many AA members who really wanted to stop when they walked through the doors. I figured I'd dry out for a while, learn what I could, and find a way to become a "social drinker." Thank GOD for the people he put in my life to help me realize what was REALLY goin' on.

Music

I distinctly remember sitting in my first AA meeting ever, and introducing myself by saying my name, and that "I'm not sure if I'm an alcoholic or not!" Truth be known, everything in my life was in shambles and it all pointed in the direction of drinking. If alcohol causes problems, alcohol is a problem. If I can't quit drinking on my own, I obviously need help. I started to read the Big Book and among other things that caught my attention is the following quote from the Big Book.

"But what about the real alcoholic? He may start off as a moderate drinker; he may or may not become a continuous hard drinker; but at some stage of his drinking career he begins to lose all control of his liquor consumption, once he starts to drink."

This statement was true for me since my very first drink. Once I got a taste of the alcohol there was no stopping me. The only time I ever stopped with "just one" was when I made a promise or a bet. Every time I wished I'd never made such a stupid promise. I started fights with my wife so I could leave the house and go get "just one beer" knowing full well it wouldn't be just one. How many times I promised myself and God that I wouldn't "do it again if you just help me this time."

IMO, if you didn't have a problem with alcohol, you wouldn't be here asking questions. And, if you're concerned with your boyfriend's drinking, there's probably good reason. I suspect if you were honest, you could answer your own question instead of trying to get an exact definition; one which will never happen, at least that you'll agree with. Stop looking for an "out" and face the facts. If alcohol is causing you problems, alcohol is a problem.

ImReadyToQuit

Jeez... By a lot of definitions.. Everybody that drinks is an alcoholic...

My definition is..

"You'll know it when you are one"

yeahgr8

Definition is either in the Big Book or you can piece it together from here:

Alcoholism - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Good information!