Jhana

Hi everyone,

I have just read in a number of threads various people's concerns on upcoming occasions and social events that used to revolve around alcohol. What to do??? How do you celebrate, say, your birthday?

Please share your thoughts/strategies here; I bet there are some great ideas lurking out in cyber-soberland...

One book that has really helped me is "Sober Living" which you can find at most AA meetings.

Thanks!
Gianna

Chy

Don't drink alcoholic beverages and have a good time would be my suggestion. I am practicing this in my program, and really begining to enjoy staying sober for social occasions. I have a great time, no fog about what happened, who did I try to impress or ran my mouth continuously about the same thing to.... nope... don't miss that! Better yet no hangovers and I have the next day to do something good as well.

Though I can't go to bars yet.... well never really went to a lot of bars.. but just can't stand the smell anymore.. makes me quite ill.

Lastly I remember all the rewards and bleesings given to me each day I stay sober, it's always something new everyday, even in the miniscule things..... nope I love life to much today to firetruck it up!!

PianoGirl

It does bother me to be around people who are drinking heavily and getting drunk, so I tend to stay away from those type of situations all together. I don't go to bars, or nightclubs. I'm not into the holiday celebrations either, so I don't have to worry about any of that anyway.

I choose my associates carefully, and hang with people who rarely drink, or don't drink at all. People who know that I don't drink either. On celebatory occasions, I enjoy having a non-alcoholic drink in a festive type glass (yes, yes, I know. Some of you say, don't even do that, but like I said, everyone is different in what effects them, and we have to decide for ourselves, right?). When I'm out with people or family that are enjoying social cocktails or something, I'll have a club soda with lime, or a non-alcoholic dacqueri, or something like that. Just something that makes me feel special too, while still helping me maintain my sobriety. I mean, hey, I'm an alcoholic, but I don't have to be a stick in the mud too. (he he) I say have FUN - just don't drink alcohol. And if those situations cause you to drink, then don't go to them.

Don W

Hi Gianna, This is a tuff spot for myself also. I have just been celibrating at home and I feel safe. I have been avoiding going to parties that I know the temptation will be too much. I have a wedding in Nov. but, many of my family members that are in the program will be there. Alcoholism has an effect on generation after generation. There is a lot of celibrating going on due to the Boston sports teams. I find this hard to avoid without feeling left out. I have been talking to friends at work and meetings etc. I am sure there are but, I have not found a place that you can sit around with a bunch of guys and watch the game without alcohol being involved. Oh well, I can't have everything this early in recovery. I am going to try and remember what I did back in the 80's when I had 5 years.
I will try and come up with some ideas and post them. I try and picture myself being like the people having a few drinks and enjoying the game. The fact is I was drunk, many times missing most of the game or making an ass out of myself. Many times putting myself in dangerous situations. Don W

CarolD

Ideas....

Take your own car...go late and leave early.

Ask a sober friend to join you.

Take AA phone numbers to call if you get antsy.

Get your own drink from the bartender.

Smell before you drink.

Carry around a “false” drink...7Up/lime looks like a VT.

Dance a lot.

If pestered to ‘Have One”... Diet or Meds are good excuses.

Have A Grand Time!!

DolphinBlue

First I just don't go unless I feel safe about it. People who know why are understanding and those who don't probably don't know me well enough to really mind that I won't be there. I didn't go out for months because I just didn't feel ready.

Taking a car is so important. Even if I don't really need to use it, I just need to know its there. If I can, I go with a sober friend but if not I take lots of phone numbers and tell at least a couple of sober people where I'm going. I always have a soft drink on me and would probably use the diet excuse if faced with a pushy person.

I thought it would be a big deal, but no-one really cares whether or not I drink. The other bonus is that going out sober and accepting that I can't drink like other people means I have a far better time than I did when drinking and let others have a good time too.

Amy

CarolD

I forgot to mention...

If you are attending a formal dinner...turn your wine glass upside down to denote you are not drinking.

Bradley004

Chy, FABULOUS post! Too funny on the running the mouth continuously on the same thing...that is ME! lol

Jhana

Hi everyone,

I think this is going to be a very useful thread as the holidays approach. ((((PianoGirl)))) I am with you on this: I love a beautiful glass. Perrier or soda looks wonderful in cut chrystal. So does cranberry juice. In sober days previously I used to have a punch based mostly on cranberry juice with mint leaves as decoration. Everyone, drinkers and non-drinkers alike loved it, and it satisfied the red-green convention. The alcohol was set to the side so that people who wanted that could add their own.

By the way, nowhere in the invitation: "Have a drink" does it specify alcohol.

Another thing that helps me is that I have kept a list of people (friends/acquaintances/famous) who do not drink. Reading it before a party reminds me that I am not alone in not drinking. I cannot break anyone's annonymity so I can't mention anyone whom I have seen at meetings, but a short list of famous people who openly do not drink for whatever reason: Jimmy Carter, George Bush, (one for each party politic) the clothing designer Isaac Mizrahi. Perhaps people can add others.

((((Don W.)))) I am in big trouble the next few days. The Yankees have always been my team, but I have always loved the Sox. What to do!!! (besides not drink of course)

((((Chy)))) What in the heck is "firetruck it up"??? I can intuit, but is that a Texas expression? You are starting to give Denise some serious competition in the quotes department.

Gianna

Jhana

I find I can celebrate much better sober. At our office Christmas party last year I had everyone up dancing. It helps to forget about yourself for a minute and look around to see who else is uncomfortable at a party. They will love you for paying attention.

Gianna

PianoGirl

You're right Gianna! Paying attention to others and getting the spotlight of yourself is a good thing to do. If you look around the room, you may actually find others that aren't drinking too, and it couldn't hurt to go up and start talking to them. You never know. They may be in the same boat you are....


PG

Bradley004

Good point Piano. I was recently at a wedding..had gone through a period of not drinking and was really worried about this wedding coming up. Well, I didn't do good cuz I gave up the battle believing I "had" to drink since my bf was and more than likely everyone there.

Looking back, I gave in to easy, at our table there was 2 girls NOT drinking. One in particular really struck me as she was outgoing, fun, crazy, joked alot...when I first met her I thought she was a "partier" ...not obnoxious just the usual fun gal having fun with a few cocktails. Turns out after our first conversation she chose to not drink ..I think she said something about her bf was drinking so she chose not too for driving purposes.

Point is she still had fun and a good role model for me if I would have been patient. The other girl at my table was real quiet and kinda a wall flower but who cares...she didn't have a headache the next morning like I did. lol