DayWalker

This is kind'a a post asking for advice about something that hasen't even happened yet lol...but I guess on one hand maybe that's good to talk about it before it even happens I guess.

Anyway what this is about...


I'm a big time fisherman, love the outdoors/fishing and go on trips every year. I'm leaving next Monday for a week long trip to my cabin on a river here in Northern Michigan and some guys from Ohio are coming up to fish with us for a few days. Talked to one of the guys today whom knows that I'm a recovering alcoholic and he said "Something I need to ask ya, mind if my dad brings beer and drinks at the cabin?"

I've fished with him&his dad once before and his dad is (IMO) an alcoholic...drinks 20+ beers a night...but I told him "no prob he can do what he wants".

Now I'm thinking in the back of my mind.....this might mess with me sitting there with someone drinking right in front of me like that. I don't want to call him and now tell him now he can't drink at my cabin....but, what the hell do I do now???

Kind'a weighing on my mind now thinking about it. I'm 100+ days sober now, but I don't know how I will react with someone drinking heavy like that in front of me at my cabin


Any thoughts are appreciated guys, thanks
Steve

suki44883

Well, if you think it might affect your sobriety, you have every right to call your friend and tell him that you've changed your mind about the beer. If you feel the need to explain, you can tell him just what you told us here...that you've thought about it and just don't feel comfortable being around someone who is drinking at this point. If your friend was kind enough to ask you if it was okay, then he sounds like the kind of person who will understand your dilemma.

AchilleysTendon

You should be damn proud about you sobriety! It is the hardest thing to attain for any person. There are no habits harder to stop!! You have earned the right to a free place that has no alcohol. All you say is this is an alcohol free camp. If you don't want the alcohol there it wont be there... The choice is up to you....

DayWalker

Thanks both of you. I know the son (mike) whom I've fished with a few times, he doesn't drink at all. So I know he won't mind. I actually think he doesnt drink because his dad has some issues ...dont know that for a fact but thats how it seems.

I guess I'm just worried I'll come across as a jerk with his dad if I say no to drinking at the cabin ya know, which I know I have the right to say. But still....

I know right now I'm doing great, but I don;t know if I'm "that" good where a week with someone drinking like a fish every night how that will affect me ya know

Last thing I want to do is toss away 100+ days of this much work!

Steve

suki44883

You won't come across as a jerk; you will come across as someone who values their sobriety. If your friend's dad doesn't understand, then he can stay home. I mean really, you say the last thing you want to do is throw away 100+ days of sobriety, but you are wimping out on doing the right thing to keep that sobriety going. The choice is yours. Are you willing to risk it?

yeahgr8

Hi mate

The many times i quit drinking for a few months before going to AA i would be in this situation and one of two things would happen...

Either i would go and end up drinking or i would go and not drink and end up drinking pretty soon afterwards...everytime i see someone post in early recovery about going out to a place that is associated with drinking and them not drinking i do worry a little, not trying to project myself onto them but i know that feeling of that was easy, i can go out and have a diet coke and be fine, ive got to start going out and then one night i would have that drink and off for months/years!

Regardless of whether this is something you are able and want to do post steps and spiritual awakening i don't think this is the right time for you to be testing this out, i know this isn't the right time for you to be testing this out!

Look at it this way Steve, you got 2 choices...either have 20 years of your trips or you can have a few more before health issues and possibly being 6 feet under issues prevent you going...if i put it like that what would you do, how important is sobriety to you?

If you are going to go then no beer on the trip if it is your trip and your property, if people dont like that then they cant come and if need be you will have to go alone or not at all...that was the recovery that i had to commit to, not making comprimises of any sort and willing to go to any lengths even if i didn't like it...

You already know all this don't you;-)

Mark75

Hmm... that's gonna be tough... Someone on your home turf, your own place doing what you used to associate with fishing and hangin' at the cabin. That's a sure set up this early for many people. My wife and I hosted a christmas party when I was around 90-100 days... it was wet... it sucked... and what made it worse was that it was in my own home... Maybe you'll be different and not fall into self pity like I did. I didn't drink over it, but it wasn't too pleasant.

It's fine now, and there's beer for my son or friends in the fridge if they stop by...

Try to remember something that we hear frequently... our sobriety comes first, it's number one, because if we don't have that, we lose everything else... Maybe you should consider making it a dry week this year... It's your vacation, your cabin, your time... Maybe your buddy can leave his father home, or bring the father and just leave the alcohol behind... It ain't gonna happen though if you don't make your needs known.

24hrsAday

i Would Just Tell Him Sorry.. i Just Can't Allow it.. My Sobriety Comes First! (a Real Friend Will Understand)

Dee74

Your cabin, your rules, Steve
Catch lots of fish

D

DayWalker

I really do appreciate all the reply, this one really did ring true though..


You guys are all right. No matter if I feel like a jerk...I need to do what's best for me/my sobriety. I'm gonna call him in the morn and tell him they are more than welcome at my place....but if his dad wants to drink then theres a bar 12 miles down the road, but please don't do it at my cabin.

Thanks everyone....I'm still a bit "fragile" on things even though it's been about 4 months, so I appreciate the advice.

Steve

AchilleysTendon

Steve I am near you in the wonderful state of Michigan, I bet you are going walleye or salmon fishing??!! Please invite me!

Steve your friend knows you are trying to quit drinking...yes...He only asked about his dad cuz he knows he has issues and will bring beer anyway no matter what you say..Be strong my brother a hundred days is nothing to waste!!!! Tell dad to stay at a motel, we got alot of them in Michigan!!!

DayWalker

lol...thats why I really like ya Dee...straight and to the point and no BS!

Steve

DayWalker

Nope, actually a week of trout fishing...we all are fly fisherman so looking for browns & bows on the Au Sable

Steve

AchilleysTendon

Lol that sounds good too Steve!!