Jeffery

Once I start drinking I cannot stop until I black out.. When I try to stop drinking the withdraw symptoms were to painful for me to follow through with not drinking. My wife drinks but she can control herself to one mixed drink a night. I however would drink 1/4 to 1/2 of the 1.75l bottle while she has one drink. lol

Now even sad as this sounds I buy alcohol every day. But I only buy a 1/2 pint. (200ml) So once it is out it is out. After doing that for a while I have actually been feeling better and have even been able to not drink and sleep normal atleast on the one night I tried and did it. My ambition is back and my bad attitude has seemed to be gone. I do not know why but I cannot bring myself to stop totally.. My brain tells me I need a night cap to live..

I do not know what to do. But 150ml or less of alcohol has to be better than .875 liters a day.

Snarf

Our brains tell us all kinds of crazy things. Mine told me to kill myself before. Glad I didn't listen to that one.

When is the last time you went to sleep without drinking? You didn't have to have a night cap to live that night, so obviously what your brain is telling you is untrue.

Jeffery

Last Monday night I did not drink. I almost made it last night too but did not. Something tells me to drink.... It is so much easier to give in.

Jeffery

I have so much anxiety and panic attacks. My doctor wants me to be on anti depressants but I cannot stand the way they make me feel. They relieve the anxiety but they also take away my will to live. Life is no longer fun on anti depressants. He will only give me Lexapro or Zoloft. I keep asking for a different med but he tells me to take Lexapro which I hate. And he knows that but will not listen. Zoloft makes me bing even more. I pass out on Zoloft.

Norther

My alcoholic brain tells me to drink. Fortunately after just a week of not drinking it no longerscreams at me to drink.

The fear of quitting is often worse than the experience of doing so. It only takes a few days for the worst of it to settle down, and this from one who drank daily as much as you do. You probably want to talk to a doctor: they can give you meds to ease things. I threw my meds away, thinking that I wanted to remember the suffering of withdrawal, but that was probably stupid. I guess withdrawal can actually be dangerous.

Anyway, you get the benefits quite soon: less fear, less anxiety, lessened cravings: all this for me after just a week of abstinence. I go to AA as well, which helps.

Jeffery

It has been a long time but I went a week without drinking. Then my brain tells me I can beat it and I can control myself. Of course I drink a little on a Friday night then I was back at it the way I left off come Saturday.

bananagrrrl

Are you getting these medications from a psychiatrist? They are the ones that need to be prescribing meds and you need to be honest about your drinking.

Boleo

I don't know if you have the ISM of alcohol-ISM, but if you do - there lies the crux of your problem.

artsoul

I know exactly what you're saying. It's like I had two personalities: one that said "don't drink" and another that would just get up and go get a 12-pack. I had to admit that I had lost control and simply could not STOP. Being here and asking for support has helped me do what I was unable to do for myself. You're not alone, so keep posting/reading.

rws177

These can't be as bad as drinking every single night. With drinking comes alot of anxiety and depression the following day.

MaidenFan

Jeffery,

I also take meds for anxiety, But I will tell you this, they will not work correctly if you drink everyday. Your body will not become aclimated to the meds! You need to try them without drinking. I too was A halfpint a day drinker. I did this for nearly two years and even more on the weekends.
Qutiing was the best thing I ever did.

shaun00

...

aint that the truth.......

maybe its time to stop completely instead of trying to fit a round peg in a square hole..
the lengths we go to to continue amazes me.

life without booze is not as scary or unusual as you might think.

Norther

Ain't that the truth.

ClayTheScribe

Just so you know, you will never truly know the actual effects of psych medicines, especially anti-depressants, if you drink any amount of alcohol. It's like a + and a -, you get nothing except a lot more depression, suicidal thoughts and anxiety. Alcohol makes anxiety and panic attacks worse. There's no exaggeration or half-truth there. It's medically and scientifically true. The anxiety, panic attacks and depression will never cease as long as you continue drinking. Took me three years to truly realize that and make myself stop the vicious cycle. Some antidepressants can make some people want to drink more, which in that case means you might need to find the right med or med combo for you.

Also if you're seeing a general practitioner/family doctor, I would start seeing a bonafide psychiatrist right away. GPs know next to nothing about psych meds I've found in my experience. I would especially look for a psychiatrist with experience dealing with addicts. I was lucky enough recently to find a psychiatrist who's a recovering alcoholic of many years so she gets a lot of my past behavior and thinking. If your doctor really knew about the extent of your drinking, he likely wouldn't prescribe you psych meds at all until you're sober. If you drink while taking an antidepressant, you're better off taking the whole bottle of pills and dumping it down the drain because that's essentially what you are doing. I would find yourself an addictions counselor, maybe look into getting into a recovery program or rehab. I would get yourself sober first so you can better deal with the mental stuff. That's what I had to do and at 9 months sober I'm a lot happier and more functional than I ever was drinking. I believe you can get there too, but it's like everyone says over and over again and it bears repeating: You have to want to be completely sober more than you want to be drunk or buzzed.

That voice that tells you to drink I call the addictive mind. It will do anything to keep you in the grips of addiction, no matter the cost. It still plays tricks with me almost daily, but so far I've been able to outsmart it. Buried underneath the noise of your addictive mind is your instinct and intuition and it's screaming for you to STOP drinking. You've just got used to following what the addictive mind says and not what the rest of your brain and body says. If you need to rely on a higher power to give you sanity and help guide you, do it. Just find something that works. And I found I had to start restructuring my life so that it did not involve drinking as I can imagine your schedule probably revolves around when you drink.

Jeffery

Thanks for the reply's...


Yes I see a family Doctor. And of course I hide how much I really drink. I am not sure why I do it but I do. Not telling him the truth does me no good.

5 months ago I was planning to quit. So Far I have been sober 4 days total. Tonight I will try again.. I will not get home until 7:00 pm anyway and I help putting the kids to bed around 8:30. Surely I can not drink for that 1.5 hrs I am home.

littlebluedog

In my experience, when I finally quit drinking and got past the drying out process, my anxiety slowly started to ease up. Almost a year later, I've found that the panic, anxiety, sleeplessness and over-all depression have subsided. The initial quitting is tough, but it's worth going though. AA works for me, It helped me quit drinking, then taught me how to live.

MeAndOnlyMe

Seriously - it might be as simple as that. Medication may not be the only route either. Talk therapy works for some. And if meds are the right answer, limiting access to only two you are complaining about is not the sign of a good physician. Shop around, if you can.

ClayTheScribe

Ditto. If you have a mental disorder or disorders your chances of overcoming your anxiety and depression are much lower without talk therapy or CBT or DBT training. But if you seek out a therapist, make sure they are qualified to treat people with addictions (ie, addictions counselor), because otherwise they will likely tell you they're not qualified to treat you, which happened to me. If you're staunchly against talk therapy for some reason, a great book with CBT techniques to treating anxiety is When Panic Attacks by David D. Burns. He actually believes in treating depression and anxiety without drugs at all, with which I disagree. Nonetheless his therapeutical techniques are very effective and he gets you to have a different relationship with your thoughts. If you're still drinking you're more likely to get efficacy in treating your anxiety through therapy because alcohol just doesn't let psych meds do their job. Regardless your anxiety will always be there as long as you continue drinking. Hopefully that should provide you with some incentive to stay sober.

AW2486

I tried everything in the book to drink normally. For me it was impossible to control my drinking while I was drinking. I tried and tried, same result, It didn't work. I had become what I did not want to be.. an alcoholic!! Hard reality to face honestly. Once I admitted the truth, there was a sense of relief. I didn't think I would feel that way, but that's how it turned out.

Dee74

Do be honest with your doctor Jeffery - he can't do his best for you if he only has half the story.

And like others have said here, I'd rather be on anti-deps than self medicating with booze...but you can't do both...

D