A belligerent drunk
 

On the way to an AA meeting today, a friend asked why I paid so much for an attorney for a DUI. (first and only)

When I got home, I took out my DUI file from 2 years ago and read over all of the papers. There was a piece of paper in there from the law enforcement dept detailing everything I said to the police officer.

It was not pretty. I called him everything from a fu*** a**hole to a sorry jerk. I told him I could not believe he was arresting me, that I was too important. (yikes) I kept on asking him if he was sure he was arresting me.

I am embarrassed and ashamed. I can't believe I acted that way. I know I acted in a like a selfish, rude jerk to my husband for a long time too.

It is astounding to me how much alcohol changed my personality. It really took me over and I was out of control. I didn't even think of all of this when I was doing step 1. I knew and acknowledged that I was powerless, I am just really seeing to what extent this is true.

I just wanted to say all of this to admit that not only am I an alcoholic, but also that I was a belligerent drunk.

I relate. Sometimes it is horrifying to think about. I'm glad you are feeling better now. I was a "happy" drunk 9/10, but the other 1/10 . . . well, it shames me to think of the things I did under the influence. Once I tried to use a cigarette to put burn marks on a boyfriend's valuable possession. Slapped several men, too. Smashed bottles against walls. Alienated friends and made them cry. Made family members cry, too, by being cruel and saying things I should not have. As painful as it is to remember these things, it's for the best not to forget. Thank you for your post.

One of my weaknesses is The Smoking Gun Website. On there they have mugshots pretty regularly. Countless ones for DUI. I always look them over. It keeps the harsh reality that I too have a more than similar mugshot on file somewhere. ;-)

I don't want another.

Belligerent - I was Cleopatra when I drank and damn well expected to be treated like her too. If I was scorned, better take yourself and your things out of the immediate vicinity - pronto. The reality is that I was that psycho girl you hear people talking about even years later. I'm sure this conversation has come up more than a few times over the years somewhere: "Hey, ________ what ever happened to that crazy chick you knew, the one that__________?"

I had 3 persona's as an active alcoholic...:eek:

Carol-walked into a bar...smileing..friendly...intending to
be interesting and charming.

Barbara appeared around drink 6/7. Loud...flirty...makeup
and hair sliding away....walking a little off kilter

Delores.....I sat at the dark end of the bar...drinks
10 or downed ... mumbleing apologies while cryiing noisely.

Tho I did have moments of smart mouth
usually I ended up a sad sodden lost soul.

"Have another drink Carol?"
Absolutely positively ......................................... not!
:c031:

Yep, we all did some bad things while under the influence. I am working on my list, maybe a letter/card of apology to the officer as part of your step 8 would be good for you & him/her.

#8 Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

Dont be too hard on yourself :ring

my cousin gave me a ball cap for Christmas one year

it said, instant ******* just add alcohol

if, the cap fits, wear it !!

If you ever read the the story about Dr. Jeckel and Mr. Hide look for he alcoholic between the lines.

Hi BG!! Wow can I relate!! this is just happening with me...I just received my report from my lawyer on the "details" of my DUI...shameful.....and looking back on my drinking career it wasn't pretty either...I wasn't nice either...I am just so grateful that is allllllllllllll behind me now....just all the legal stuff to deal with now....

The thing that hit hard home for me working the steps was not how much of an ******* i was when drunk, but how much of an ******* i was when not drunk...at least when i was drunk people could puttheir finger on a 'reason' for my behaviour!