GettingClean

So, I'm quitting drinking and smoking. I also use cocaine sometimes but I only have the urge to do it when I'm good and drunk so as long as I kick the drinking habit I'll be killing two birds with one stone. Quitting smoking will also be easier without alcohol because that's when I want to smoke more than any other time.

I'm a weekend binge drinker. I don't drink at home at all I love to go out and hit the bars and hang out with friends and get hammered. My question is, what shall I do when Friday night approaches and my last hangover is forgotten? I have swore I'd quit many Saturday and Sunday mornings when I'm puking my guts out but as soon as the next weekend approaches and my friends start blowing up my cell with texts telling me where everyone is meeting at I'm right back at it.

The thought of being sober and ending my self destruction is a great thought but I know I'm going to miss hanging out with my boys and letting loose. I also play hockey and the thought of going home after games while I watch my teammates head out to have a good time is going to be rough.

What advice would you give me? How did some of you who have been in a similar situation cope with this? I love to have a good time but doing so without beer and liquor sounds impossible to me. This is going to be the hardest hurdle for to me to cross.

ninja7

Thank you very much for your interesting and hopeful post. I am sober about over one year. I also had same problem how I kill my spare time on weekend. I mostly spend reading books at the moment. Before quit drinking, I can not read much books though.

Omega10

Quitting is tough because we always "want our cake and eat it too". But bars and recovery don't mix well together. It ultimately has to come down to choice.

I became very choosy as to the invites out that I would accept. If the invite comes from a friend who knows I have quit drinking and is very supportive of my choice, I am more likely to accept. If the invite comes from a drinking crew member whom I know would try to talk me into having "just one", I decline. If I do go out to a bar, I make sure I have an exit strategy so that if the cravings start I leave. To be honest, in the past four months since quitting drinking, I can probably count on one hand the number of times I have been to a bar. For the first time in years I declined an invitation to go on a boat for an evening because I had no exit strategy and I knew that there was an extremely high potential for relapse.

It took some getting used to, but as time goes on I find I am enjoying the sober things I do more and more and I miss the drinking less and less. Instead of going out drinking, I get together with people for lunch. I get up early on Saturdays and meet people for breakfast. You really learn to appreciate your sobriety when you sit in a restaurant on a Saturday morning, look around, and see all the miserable, haggardly, hungover people!

You really do have to find different things to do. Your true friends will respect your decision to quit, and may even join you. Your drinking buddies, you may discover, aren't really true friends at all.

RobbyRobot

Hi. Change from within is required to give up the drinking and using with your friends. Thinking the problem is somehow what you're going to do when Friday night and whatever approaches is just going to make your weekends lousy. Feeling lousy will not help you stop, as you know from all the puking, you still go at it again.

Take a moment to look at why you love to be hammered, hang out with friends, hit the bar scene. Those reasons are why you keep going back out. What are you going to do about those reasons? Whatever those reasons are discovered to be, they will only become all the worse as you progress into your drinking. And believe it, things can get worse. You already know it.

Hang in there. Good times are found within ourselves. Be honest with yourself and find the truth there inside plain and simple. Give yourself a break.

RR

Soph

GC, you also may want to look into AA meetings in your area on Friday and Saturday nights. You may be surprised, but it makes sense - the folks in the meetings, were at one time, hanging out in pubs! It's the same guys, same laughter and joking around - but the next day you wake up fresh and sober, instead of puking, headache, empty wallet.

I have been stunned at the amount of funny stories and really good people who I have seen and met at meetings where I live. Some of the best ones are from ex cons. Boy they have stories!

Not that AA meetings are purely for social reasons, mind you - we are at the meetings to save our lives. It's just to point out that there are alternatives to bars and bingeing in any town you're in - and the meetings are never, ever boring, I'll say that!

Peace,

Soph

CarolD

In early sobriety....I found an AA group full of
single people who were happily sucessfully sober.

We did all sorts of interesting things after the meeting....
We did stay sober and we had a blast.

Good to know you are seeking a healthy future.

loveon2legs

I agree with robby robot..the change really has to come from within....

Mark75

Many of us have those same questions, and anxiety. There are no magic words, no crystal ball. It takes time, that's all, no shortcuts, but a strong belief that you will find the answers to those questions yourself. Of course faith and trust in a Higher Power will help as well. Sometimes it has to be blind faith... and what's really wrong with that... all you are doing is putting down the cup, right?

GettingClean

Thanks guys for the replies. This is going to be a huge lifestyle change for me. I'm 33 but I still want to act like a 20 year old frat boy at a keg party all the time. This is going to have to be about growing up and putting my family and health first instead of my friends and fun. I have been so selfish and irresponsible. I am so happy to have a wife that has stuck with me through 7 years of this BS. It's also evident I need some sober friends in my life so I'll definitely consider the AA meetings.

Kmber2010

I agree with the others that change comes from within and you will need to rearrange your lifestyle. I was at home drinker so that was quite hard to handle but after dealing with the years of alcohol abuse......it was enough to keep me sober for my lifetime.

I found that waking up early and going to bed earlier helps. Making my days productive instead of lounging hungover....sleeping my day away until I am ready to wake up and start the cycle all over again.

I do lots of outdoor activities and stay away from scenarios where alcohol is the main event. I did go to play pool the other day and there was drinking there since it was a bar but I focused on the pool and proudly walked through the bar with my can of sprite....hehe. That felt darn good.

Sobriety is the perfect time to take up new hobbies or lost interests. Basically "p!ssing" your money away in a bar will eventually grow old as pals move on. Some sadly will grow more reliant and dependent on alcohol and it isn't that difficult to start where you are and then find yourself drinking weeknights.

Yayyy for changing up the routine and quitting the drinking/smoking. Whenever the urge strikes just find something positive to do. How about making some new friends or connecting with those you know who don't drink?

There are tons of sober folks out there living life. Just come here and read/post until you start some new things.



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gratefulgirl09

When I got sober, I was dumbfounded that fun could exist without alcohol. The weekends were the scariest for me. Friday and Saturday night meetings helped me immensly. As someone else said, AA meetings are much more than social situations, but it helps so much being around alcoholics who understand what you are going through. It is a safe place, and I needed that.
Unfortunatley I had to stay away from a lot of friends. The last place I needed to be early in sobriety was a bar. I have lost some people that I thought were my true friends, but it appeared that alcohol was the glue that held us together. However, I have met that most amazing people in sobriety that love me for who I am, and I wouldn't change that for the world.
You mentioned that you are married. Why not make Friday or Saturday night date night? Try new restuarants, find new activities to do around your city.
Hang in there! Soon enough you'll be amazed at how fun sobriety can be!

rws177

I think that a hobbie like hockey can really help you out. My hobbies always give me something to do, even on the weekends. The MMA/jiujitsu school that I train at is open 6days a week. It feels good working out on a Friday night and waking up feeling great. Maybe there is a hockey league on Friday and Saturday nights that you can get into.

When I stopped drinking I quickly learned who my "real" friends are. A few select still hang out with me but most are out of my life now. Sometimes I feel a burden or something when people hang out with me that I know like drinking on the weekends. This weekend though I had some friends over to watch the UFC on pay-per-view and it seemed like everyone truely had a good time without drinking.