crzylilmndfreak

I have something coming up this weekend with some family we havent seen in a very long time getting together and they will be drinking, honestly i wish i could drink with them, because...i know i may hear negativity from some... but i just feel sooo much more FUN while drinking, i feel like a rather boring person sober, like why would anyone like me? and what will i talk about? when im drinking it just flows,i dont have to worry about anything. we have to go because it is a family thing, but i guess i will get through it. im just so nervous about it. the only thing that makes me feel better is that THEY wont be nervous, so they wont notice how nervous i am lol
crys

Bamboozle

Humor always helps when I feel like this. If you can get people to chuckle you'll feel awesome.

If humor doesn't work for you just make sure to stay an active participant in the conversations. Don't isolate.

Hey, it's family. They already know you and you know them, so it won't be like talking to strangers.

You can get through this sober. My last family gathering with a lot of booze was this past Christmas...and I made it through sober. You can do this. Be strong.

Ceres

I think you'll be surprised. Most of us seem a little wiser in demeanor. Like a little more grown up. I noticed that I was treated with more respect. Which was new and totally unexpected. :-) They'll probably tell you that ya look great too!

xoffender

Howdy,

A few things here ...

Firstly, you're 99.9% unlikely to be boring as you think you are sober.

I know you want these folks to like you and respect you but you have to like and respect yourself, which is probably less likely if you pick up a drink.

There's a nice wee book, 'How to talk to anyone' by Leil Lowndes which I've read before, I'm pretty similar to you in thinking I can be a bit dull, and I always refer back to it when I know something's coming up where I'll need to be able to make conversation. I know you haven't much time but maybe if you fancy it you could pick up a copy before the weekend - it's quite a well known book so your local book store should carry it.

Being more interting when you're boozed is just another of the horrible lies that alcohol tells us .

Come back and tell us how you got on.

Good luck !

Andy

Rowan

Hi Crys,

Once I sobered up and went to one of my first family functions, I had an aunt tell me I was boring now that I didn't drink. I remember feeling guilty, but as I watched her getting progressively drunker, I realized I was quite happy being 'boring'. It was a baby shower for my sister, and I was able to actively participate in the goings-on - and I know I wouldn't have been interested had I been drinking. Family functions are a lot easier today, and I couldn't care less if someone were to call me boring. I like myself a lot better sober, and my opinion is the only one that matters. Good luck to you - you can do this.

Soph

You can do it! It's poison. Don't drink that stuff. I just was at a work trip and everyone, I mean everyone around me had cocktails almost round the clock. The more I drank my club soda or coke, the more superior I felt. I know that isn't very humble or AA of me, but I really did feel cool. I was the cool sober one. And woke up thinking "heh, they are hurting this morning!" while I wasn't. You can do it!!

Soph

suki44883

...but i just feel sooo much more FUN while drinking, i feel like a rather boring person sober, like why would anyone like me? and what will i talk about? when im drinking it just flows,i dont have to worry about anything.

Yeah, when you are drinking, it sure does flow and not always in a good way, either. You say you don't have to worry about anything, well, maybe not at the moment, but the next day, you might have quite a lot to worry about, such as, what did I say? Oh, no! Did I really do that??

It's so much easier to NOT drink and not have to worry about what crazy stuff you did the night before.

CarolD

The best way to have conversations ...ask people questions
then you respond with interest.....

How was your drive down?
What school/class is your son in?
Does your daughter know how to swim yet?

Keep busy....help the hostess or play games with the youngsters.

If everyone is older than you.....
when you were younger....where did you live?

Everyone wants a listener.
Just keep in focus....you too can continue to win!

bananagrrrl

My husband told me I was boring when I was drunk. Saying the same thing over and over, being loud, staring out into space... etc.

I bet you will surprise yourself and have a nice time visiting and talking without alcohol to cloud everything. And you don't have to worry about making an ass out of yourself.

loveon2legs

I wasn't a very good drunk either...rambled on and on...didn't make sense half the time..falling down...people are definetely more responsive around me!! and another funny thing and sometimes annoying is watching them do all of that!!!

unholy_mess

I always thought I was more fun drunk...turns out I was actually a real pain in the ass! And frequently did or said stupid things and ended up not being all that much fun. I understand your feelings of being more fun when you're drunk - up to a point, I was really charming and friendly...but the problem was I could never STAY at that point. It was always: more drunk = more charming/friendly...but I was wrong!
And, frankly, so what if you ARE boring sober? Boring sober is better than out of control wasted, in my opinion. Good luck!! I'm sure it'll go better than you're imagining.

aasharon90

By all means go if it is mandatory.

But.....

Have a plan of escape if u need one.

Meaning....go alone in ur own car
and tell them u will meet them there.
That way if u become uncomfortable
u can leave.

Bring someone in recovery with u
or someone where drinking isnt a
factor.

Have some phones numbers for
just such emergencies.

Get ur own drink of water, cola,
and just say no thank you if
alcohol is offered.

No explanation is necessary.

It never hurts to be prepared for
whatever happens.

Make a meeting prior and possibly
afterwards.

Wear ur recovery suit of amour to
protect urself.

Make sure ur plan of escape is an
honest one so u wont have to return
to make amends.

U'll do fine.

LifeBlows

Exactly! I think that when you get sober you have to work at figuring out who you are and how that new you relates to everyone else around you. So maybe that's why you feel boring. You knew who the drunk you was and how the drunk you could entertain and engage with people. Now you have to figure out how the sober you can do that or even if the sober you wants to do that.

I also hear a huge chunk of low self esteem in there.

crzylilmndfreak

Thank you all so much for your responses, my get together was last night and it actually went pretty well... i did hug a couple people, and they smelled like alcohol, and the smell actually made me sick...i still felt boring, not much to talk about, i felt a lot of "Dead air" when i was one on one with someone, and i hate that, but i muddled through, and didnt drink! i did take my klonpin before, which i think helped alot, seeing everyone having such a good time though made me think "geez if if could just have one or two to take the edge off"... but i know i couldnt do that and would probably made a fool of myself, Ugh i hate this disease
crys
crys

endzoner

just think how those are feeling today drinkin to much not remembering what mite or been said , who did what ect ... and the fact remains you can remember it all and no be imbarrased bout something you did while under the influnce . good job at sticking to not drinkin .. good job be proud you made it .... huggles Endzy