gingernyc

I haven't posted here in a while, but I'm happy to say that those of you who may remember me probably remember a very confused drinker who was trying to quit, and then a person who had a very rough first year of sobriety. I am now 14 months sober, and I'm happy about that, and can feel my life changing in ways for the better. Anyway.

Tonight after an obligatory work function, there was a "cocktail" hour in the same location where we had just had our meeting. I stayed for this cocktail hour and happily drank club soda. Then our boss wanted us to join him at another location because he had made reservations there and people would be having drinks and appetizers. After thinking it over, I decided to go. I felt okay, and I could share a ride home with my boss who is also my friend. When I arrived it was a small table of people who had ordered pitchers of margaritas and they were passing around glasses to everyone. I discreetly asked the waitress to bring me a virgin margarita, which she did. After a while I ordered a second virgin margarita. Upon first sip, I thought that the second drink tasted different--but wasn't sure what it was. I thought maybe I tasted alcohol. It wasn't strong, so I wasn't sure. I sipped a few more times, and then asked a guy next to me to taste it, telling him I don't drink alcohol and asking him if he wouldn't mind tasting it for me. He tasted it and said he didn't detect anything. So, I went back to the drink, took a few more sips as we were engaging in conversation, and then whoa. I felt my limbs get heavy and warm. I immediately pushed the drink away. I was very upset that this happened and still am. I have heard about things like this in the rooms of AA where people say you have to watch your drink and stuff like that, but I felt like things were very much in control. I held onto my glass the whole time, so it wasn't that my glass got mixed up with anyone else's. I can't figure out what the heck was in my drink--maybe it was bitters--it wasn't very strong, because I know I would have noticed right away if it was tequila or hard liquor. I was so upset that I almost cried. Then I wanted to run away. This restaurant was very crowded, the service was terrible, and I was worried about fitting in. As it was, when she brought my first drink over, she broadcast: "WHO HERE ORDERED A VIRGIN MARGARITA?" So much for me being discreet. I wanted to ask the waitress if she was sure my second drink was a "virgin" but I didn't want to draw attention to myself. I guess old-timers will tell me that I was more worried about fitting in than I was about my sobriety. I just don't know what to do with this experience. I feel somehow that I failed--that it was my fault for being in this situation--but I have been living like a nun. I have been so afraid and awkward about going out. I'm trying to feel more normal about being a non-drinker, and just go for the conversation and food and then go home. I don't go out a lot, so please spare me the "going to the barbershop and eventually getting a haircut." Anyone else ever have this experience? Any advice? Thoughts? Thanks for listening.

sleepie

I'm sorry! That's a tough one... it wasn't your fault. It sounds like a real accident on the part of the wait staff- and importantly, you pushed the drink away! As it's said- don't beat yourself up about it. Maybe just avoid anything even resembling a drink in the future! I used to go with a club soda with lime- nobody ever asked

Dee74

Good to see you back - I'm afraid I don't get the whole mocktail thing tho.

So many times I see posts here of people falling foul of this.

I get wanting to go out and be with people, and I get not wanting to get on a table and shout 'alcoholic over here'...

but I just don't get why it's that important we have to pretend to be drinkers too.

Sorry if I sound churlish.... that was not my intent - I just really don't get it....

I'm glad to know you're still on the journey - I remember you way back.....

D

gingernyc

Thanks, Sleepie. I really did try to do the right thing. I even thought maybe I was getting a "contact high" you know, being in a place with a lot of alcohol, drinking the virgin version...that I didn't trust myself when I thought I tasted the alcohol. I also have to say that once I felt that buzz, I knew something was off. There was a split second where I thought, "*** it, I might as well just drink it now." Glad that moment passed, and that I didn't accidently drink too much where my judgement was impaired. Still would like to know what was in that drink .

Omega10

I have to agree with Sleepie - it wasn't your fault, and you handled the situation extremely well by not continuing to consume the drink after you realized the error.

Congratulations on the 14 months of sobriety! That's amazing - keep up the great work.

Peace, health, and happiness to you!

Mark75

I hear this from time to time, and people who share this kind of story are always very shaken by the event... they are angry mostly...

It seems that you are somehow having to explain yourself that you accompanied your friend so that you could stay a part of that social activity for that night... There's no need... It is a testament to your recovery that you felt that you could do that, that you WANTED to do that... good for you... don't stop being a part of the world, your world... sure, it's risky at times... but what are you gonna do, sit at home?

So yea, maybe the virgin drinks aren't such a good idea in that setting... So you learned something, brush yourself off and be grateful that you did the right thing(s)

Mark

Nevertheless

I really don't understand why you feel you failed. It simply wasn't your fault.
I agree that it stinks that it happened, but it is no reason to crawl in a hole and hide in fear next time it will happen again.
As is always good practice, learn from mistakes. This isn't your mistake, but in the future you could order something like Iced tea. Something that alcohol isn't normally mixed with. And I wouldn't worry about others wondering why I wasn't drinking. I would be proud of it, and happy that the next day I won't have a hangover.
Congrats on 14 months, and keep counting because this just isn't a slip in my book.
Fred

Mark75

Um, probably tequila

gingernyc

Dee, I would agree that I have work to do on figuring out how to socially navigate the waters when out in a group. I was the only one of 15 people not drinking alcohol (believe me, I noticed). Maybe I'm insecure, but I guess I just don't want to broadcast it. The "mocktail" in my opinion, is just about having a "fun" drink. Why do drinkers get to drink all the fun, pretty drinks? I had, as I said, drank club soda at the other event. And I actually really do like the taste of margarita mix, just as I like bloody mary mix (which I ocasionally drank with no booze when I WAS drinking). I don't do the "mocktail" every time--but because they were margaritas, I thought it would taste good and be a nice break from seltzer and cranberry...or plain water.

I do have to look at what it is about me that feels so desperate to fit in. And I didn't think I was pretending to be a drinker, but maybe I was. Maybe that's my next bit of learning I have to do. As they say, "rigorous honesty." Thanks, Dee.

Dee74

Thanks for explaining Ginger

D

CAPTAINZING2000

a bar isn't the place for me to be. The purpose for being there is to drink. I might be able to go a few times and not drink but after a while, it'd be the same as me going to a ***** house and tell them I'm just there to look sooner or later ahem

yeahgr8

I presume you go to AA? Have you worked the steps and had a spiritual awakening?

This sounds like the old insanity, so thats why i asked...

Ive met lots of people in AA who are desperate to fit in when with a drinking crowd on a organised social occasion, some will drink NA beer or alcohol free wine, not one of them has sobriety nor worked the steps...sure they have been around AA a while...

I also know lots of people who have worked the steps and are sober and not one of them would ever try to fit in, they would go and have fun on an occasion liuke this but would drink something like diet coke, unless everyone was drinking rum and coke then they might have lemonade and all of them would check if their drink had alcohol in it before drinking...

I have been in this position and have asked the waitor are you sure this has no alcoholc because if i drink this and it has im going to go mental...no-one's night was ruined and i had a good time...

Please dont beat yourself up over this, learn from it and don't like like a Nun...its clear you need to do or change something here...go forwards from here!

And ffs find someone with decent long term sobriety and take just their advice on this, you ask enough people and you will always find the answer that you want to hear...

IMO if icant go to a social event after an obligatory works do and stay for an hour or until i get bored without fearing alcohol then there is something wrong with my sobriety...so its not that, but by this i am assuming that person has worked the steps, gotten their spiritual awakening and has some time under their belts:-)

LetsGoJets

A few things:

1. you put alcohol unknowingly into you system tonight and you reacted sanely. you seem to be in a position of neutrality. it sucks that you drank, but you couldve used this as every chance to go back to being a drinking machine, but u didnt. God has restored your sanity. These are great promises from our Big Book.

2. Our book also states that we can go to places that serve alcohol as long as we have reason to be there and we are spiritually fit. You were at a work function so you had good reason to be there, and judging by how you reacted, you were spiritually fit, so don't worry about it.

We practice the 12 steps so that we can live free....not "live like nuns" as u stated. Listen, i am 28 years old, i am in recovery and I live in NY too. I am 15 months sober and for a while in the beginning it wasnt easy but now living this way of life, I am free and that is the greatest gift of all I coulda asked for. There are tons of things to do, and I do my best to enjoy everything the city has to offer. If alcohol is there, it doesnt bother me. The big book says that any scheme to shield the alcoholic from liquor will end up in a bigger explosion, so if u are making your amends, helping others and u are right with God you should be able to go out and enjoy yourself 100% guilt-free.

I hope this helps.

stugotz

Fan freakin tastic. Thats really the core, isnt it?

qs4thinking

you're celebrating 14 months of sobriety. you had some alcohol (by accident) but you maintained sobriety. i don't understand the issue? you continue your sobriety... you weren't drunk at any point. if i were you, i'd be mad but i wouldn't dwell on it. you haven't broken any of your promises, i'm sure.

shaun00

Stuck on the front of my ugly face is a nose......and i stick it in, any and i mean any, drink someone hands to me.......

As a last resort i hand it to my wife to sip......she is my chef taster.

maybe its me but im extremely careful when out in clubs/bars or resturants.

i dont use mouthwash with booze in it........i dont cook with booze....i dont use perfumes with booze in them.......

alcohol and me torn my family to pieces..........and i dont ever want alcohol anywhere near my blood stream ever again.....

that doesnt mean i have a fear of it........it just means im very aware of how easy it is to ingest it........when not on the ball.

penny74

It was an accident.
No more, no less.
You did well.
No big deal.

Toronto68

Ginger, I can see why that would bother you, but it's not your fault. I was with an alcoholic friend years ago (like 20 years ago) and our drinks got mixed up. I didn't notice that his Coke went to me and the one with the alcohol in it went to him. Out of the two of us, I was the drinker. He either noticed after a small sip went down or by smelling it first, I can't remember which, but I felt very guilty about it; more that than irritated with the staff for the mistake.

You should just try to chalk it up to being served a bad meal, and fortunately it wasn't something that made you violently ill, just disappointed. Unless you think there was more to it (?). If this happened to me, I would remember it, but I wouldn't go to the extent of changing the sobriety date in my mind, I would leave thngs the way they were, because of my intentions.

December15

I agree with you that bar's are not ideal places. Problem is for many of us it is impossible to avoid them because of work. Managers invite workers and clients to bar locations - they are sort of like informal meetings outside of the office. You can't really avoid attending otherwise you are neglecting your work commitments. Well, this is what it is like in my company.

hughs dad

Wow Ginger. That is so unfortunate. You were trying to do everything right and ended up drinking and feeling embaressed. I"m sorry. I feel that it can be much harder to try and do the right thing then it is by going with the flow and being irresponsible. All I can say is your heart / actions are in the right place and that's all you can control. You didn't intend on drinking, it just kind of happened. I wouldn't beat yourself over it.... Just stick to what has worked for you all of these months... Good luck to you!