Daddy
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Columbus Ohio
Posts: 55
Daddy
Warning this is long but it's from my heart
My dad was a mentaly abusive drunk while I was growing up. Now don't get me wrong I really love my dad but he still to this day continues to some times go on benders as he is one one now. Growing up with an alcoholic dad was very hard and it really depressed me and I had lots of trouble as a kid and my mom would take me to counselors and we all sometimes went as family and while there I would plead with my dad to stop drinking and he would promise that he would but never kept it. I remember one time I got into trouble for shoplifting and had to go to court my mom was working so my dad had to take me one problem though he was drunk. So we went and when we saw the judge I know he knew my dad was drunk as he slurred his speech and was staggering when we walked in and out and i was suprised he wasn't locked up for being drunk in public. My mom was the one who took care of me my sister and dad as he couldn't stay sober long enough to work. He would some times go on drunkin rages and chase us off sometimes with a unloaded gun but for some reason my mom would go back to him send him to rehab and hope he was better but it never happened as he would yo yo out of rehab and relapse the last time he was in rehab the very day he got out he got drunk. My mom is a very strong woman because she put up with it and I don't really know why but she did finally give up and they divorced and my dad fell hard and tried to mask his pain with lots of booze until he lost everything like his house and was discharged from the army (he was a supply sargent). After a few years he finally pulled himself together enough to start working again and with the help of friends he slowed down alot on his drinking and actually went one year without drinking but he relapsed and ever since then he goes on benders sometimes mostly on weekends but to his credit he has a job and a home and it hurts that he could loose everything again if he isn't carefull. I do now understand his addiction because I am a recovering addict myself but it still hurts me to see him in a drunkin state because like I said I love my dad and since he became a part time drunk and I became an addict we have bonded because we understand each other and our addiction. He a couple years ago saved my life as I was on a week long drunkin bender and he came in and got me straight (I did relapse) so I have really thought about trying to save his life but I can't because he has to do that himself just like I have to save my own life. So now I realize I can't be around him or talk to him when he is drunk because it can hurt my sobriety. I just had to say all of this and it was very hard (I am crying now) I just pray that he can get serious help and end his own nightmare like I am doing mine before it's too late.
My dad was a mentaly abusive drunk while I was growing up. Now don't get me wrong I really love my dad but he still to this day continues to some times go on benders as he is one one now. Growing up with an alcoholic dad was very hard and it really depressed me and I had lots of trouble as a kid and my mom would take me to counselors and we all sometimes went as family and while there I would plead with my dad to stop drinking and he would promise that he would but never kept it. I remember one time I got into trouble for shoplifting and had to go to court my mom was working so my dad had to take me one problem though he was drunk. So we went and when we saw the judge I know he knew my dad was drunk as he slurred his speech and was staggering when we walked in and out and i was suprised he wasn't locked up for being drunk in public. My mom was the one who took care of me my sister and dad as he couldn't stay sober long enough to work. He would some times go on drunkin rages and chase us off sometimes with a unloaded gun but for some reason my mom would go back to him send him to rehab and hope he was better but it never happened as he would yo yo out of rehab and relapse the last time he was in rehab the very day he got out he got drunk. My mom is a very strong woman because she put up with it and I don't really know why but she did finally give up and they divorced and my dad fell hard and tried to mask his pain with lots of booze until he lost everything like his house and was discharged from the army (he was a supply sargent). After a few years he finally pulled himself together enough to start working again and with the help of friends he slowed down alot on his drinking and actually went one year without drinking but he relapsed and ever since then he goes on benders sometimes mostly on weekends but to his credit he has a job and a home and it hurts that he could loose everything again if he isn't carefull. I do now understand his addiction because I am a recovering addict myself but it still hurts me to see him in a drunkin state because like I said I love my dad and since he became a part time drunk and I became an addict we have bonded because we understand each other and our addiction. He a couple years ago saved my life as I was on a week long drunkin bender and he came in and got me straight (I did relapse) so I have really thought about trying to save his life but I can't because he has to do that himself just like I have to save my own life. So now I realize I can't be around him or talk to him when he is drunk because it can hurt my sobriety. I just had to say all of this and it was very hard (I am crying now) I just pray that he can get serious help and end his own nightmare like I am doing mine before it's too late.
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
I hope you get your wish too!
My story is a little different, although the same insanity from my Dad in the household. My mother was of an attitude that she had to stay with him for the sake of the kids. They got divorced when i was 16 and all i could remember thinking was why the hell didn't she leave him before then, why did we have to put up with all his crap whilst growing up so i saw my mother as weak and really hated her and made my feelings apparent and her life hell for a number of years im sorry to say!
I haven't seen my Dad in about 5 years now, i made contact as part of the amends process and he is really excited about seeing me...i on the other hand feel nothing for him although i do appreciate that he did try and raise me and never really stood much of a chance himself considering how he was raised and the fact that he obviously has the alcoholic gene.
I'm glad that you have bonded with your Dad, i tried this for many many years with little success and with my mother too...in the end i was able to give up the little kids dream that everything would be ok one day and face reality with regard to my relationships with them.
I still get twinges when i think of my mother, don't get me wrong i do have some contact and she has always bailed me out with money if i was in trouble but it really isn't a healthy mum son relationship...even to the extent that i write with love on my emails to her because she does the same but i dont feel it...
Anyways thanks for the post and keep a good eye on your sobriety and let God help your Dad:-)
My story is a little different, although the same insanity from my Dad in the household. My mother was of an attitude that she had to stay with him for the sake of the kids. They got divorced when i was 16 and all i could remember thinking was why the hell didn't she leave him before then, why did we have to put up with all his crap whilst growing up so i saw my mother as weak and really hated her and made my feelings apparent and her life hell for a number of years im sorry to say!
I haven't seen my Dad in about 5 years now, i made contact as part of the amends process and he is really excited about seeing me...i on the other hand feel nothing for him although i do appreciate that he did try and raise me and never really stood much of a chance himself considering how he was raised and the fact that he obviously has the alcoholic gene.
I'm glad that you have bonded with your Dad, i tried this for many many years with little success and with my mother too...in the end i was able to give up the little kids dream that everything would be ok one day and face reality with regard to my relationships with them.
I still get twinges when i think of my mother, don't get me wrong i do have some contact and she has always bailed me out with money if i was in trouble but it really isn't a healthy mum son relationship...even to the extent that i write with love on my emails to her because she does the same but i dont feel it...
Anyways thanks for the post and keep a good eye on your sobriety and let God help your Dad:-)
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by KingTrail78 
So now I realize I can't be around him or talk to him when he is drunk because it can hurt my sobriety.
"Assuming we are spiritually fit, we can do all sorts of things alcoholics are not supposed to do." (page 100)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Columbus Ohio
Posts: 55
A little update. I had to come back home from the halfway house program because I was badly injured on the job (refractured my back) and they said that and my othther health issues (tourette syndrome,epelepsy and skitzo disorder, that I just couldn't handle the pressure and stress of what they needed me to do so I had to leave the program so I have been up all night finding a plan B and I WILL not sleep until I find one. BTW my dad is saddly still struggling with his drinking but I now know I need to stop being affraid for his on life and now have to focus 100% of my time and mind to my own sobriety. I do and will always love my dad and it hurts that I need to do this but it's him or me. I will continue to pray for him but until he get REAL help and sobriety then I can't talk to him or see him any more. It's a sad fukin situation but im almost 32 years old and I need my sobriety and I now my VERY close friend Phadra can help me, shes a recovered morphine addict and has strick rules when I stay at her house and THAT is what I need. I really would like some help and suggestions on this matter it would help me out alot thanks.
Brian
now 3/2 weeks clean and sober
Brian
now 3/2 weeks clean and sober
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