Things ever go "Too good" for you?
Things ever go "Too good" for you?
Today is 85 (maybe 86 can't be sure exactly) Sober for me. These past few months have been just great for me. My life has got so much better I can't even tell it in a post, just great is all I can say.I feel things have got better because I finally became "ready"....I haven't had thoughts of drinking these past few months because I felt I was to a place now where I am past those thoughts. But today...not a good day today.
I'm not stupid, and I've been through getting sober/drinking many times so I know nothing will make me drink unless I let it, and I'm not about to let it, yet it's been a bad day today and I had my first "thought" today that I have had in about 30-40 days.
Long story short, found out today my brother in law has type 2 diabetes, and also a friend I have felt VERY close to for the past 4 yrs came over today (he has MS) and I saw him today for the first time walking with a cane (he's same age as me 38).
What bothers me though is tonight for the first time in a couple months I actually had some thoughts of drinking. And it wasn't because of them but because I felt bad for myself, which I know is not right. They don't feel "bad" for themselves, yet I fell bad not for them, but for me. Doesn't make sence, I know I shouldn't make it about "ME" but yet I am. In my mind I'm making their problems about me...and I know I shouldn't. Make sense to anyone?
Steve
I'm not stupid, and I've been through getting sober/drinking many times so I know nothing will make me drink unless I let it, and I'm not about to let it, yet it's been a bad day today and I had my first "thought" today that I have had in about 30-40 days.
Long story short, found out today my brother in law has type 2 diabetes, and also a friend I have felt VERY close to for the past 4 yrs came over today (he has MS) and I saw him today for the first time walking with a cane (he's same age as me 38).
What bothers me though is tonight for the first time in a couple months I actually had some thoughts of drinking. And it wasn't because of them but because I felt bad for myself, which I know is not right. They don't feel "bad" for themselves, yet I fell bad not for them, but for me. Doesn't make sence, I know I shouldn't make it about "ME" but yet I am. In my mind I'm making their problems about me...and I know I shouldn't. Make sense to anyone?
Steve
It makes sense to me.
I used to drink over all kinds of stuff because dealing, really dealing, with just about anything was so uncomfortable for me.
And I was an alcoholic, so you better believe EVERYTHING was about me anyway LOL.
The more we deal, the less we have the impulsive response to run away by drinking, and the more we do that the more we grow and step out of that self imposed self-obsession thing
D
I used to drink over all kinds of stuff because dealing, really dealing, with just about anything was so uncomfortable for me.
And I was an alcoholic, so you better believe EVERYTHING was about me anyway LOL.
The more we deal, the less we have the impulsive response to run away by drinking, and the more we do that the more we grow and step out of that self imposed self-obsession thing
D
Thanks Dee. Just bothers me. I thought I was past this "me" stage...guess I'm not though. Doesn't make me too happy, just makes me feel a bit selfish still which I thought I was past.
Steve
Steve
Hey Steve,
Congrats on the 80+ days sober. I have found in the past few trys to stay sober for myself that I have often been triggered by bad news, also relating to others health problems. I believe that in the back of my mind I have this thought that basically says "What's the point? If (Best Friend) can get sick and is not killing himself with booze, why should I bother" Think I basically said the same in my last post here, which btw I never said thanks to anyone including you and Dee who responded. Typical selfish "poor me" thoughts, yeah? I understand where you are coming from and it totally makes sense to me....wish I had the answer, but I really hope you can stay strong and sober.
Congrats on the 80+ days sober. I have found in the past few trys to stay sober for myself that I have often been triggered by bad news, also relating to others health problems. I believe that in the back of my mind I have this thought that basically says "What's the point? If (Best Friend) can get sick and is not killing himself with booze, why should I bother" Think I basically said the same in my last post here, which btw I never said thanks to anyone including you and Dee who responded. Typical selfish "poor me" thoughts, yeah? I understand where you are coming from and it totally makes sense to me....wish I had the answer, but I really hope you can stay strong and sober.
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Yep total sense...can i be honest and include myself? We are extraordinarily selfish people, it beggers belief sometimes just how self centered we are...if anyone got ill or died before it would all be about me...its way beyond triggers for us!
This, IMO, is why the spiritual awkening is key...have to get that drastic personality change because not only are we selfish but we know we are being selfish, as you do, then we beat ourselves up about being selfish and then start thinking what a piece of **** i am my brothers ill and im thinking of me, whats the points...ah **** it...DRINK!
And away we go again!
By working the steps i got an insight into me which, in very early recovery, allowed me to accept me, so i would have selfish thought, realise it and accept it in the knowledge that i was and would be working on thisby doing the steps and living by them...progress not perfection...
This is crucial because then you stop before the beating yourself up part, the plunging of self esteem and finally picking up...
Where are you with your step work Steve?
This, IMO, is why the spiritual awkening is key...have to get that drastic personality change because not only are we selfish but we know we are being selfish, as you do, then we beat ourselves up about being selfish and then start thinking what a piece of **** i am my brothers ill and im thinking of me, whats the points...ah **** it...DRINK!
And away we go again!
By working the steps i got an insight into me which, in very early recovery, allowed me to accept me, so i would have selfish thought, realise it and accept it in the knowledge that i was and would be working on thisby doing the steps and living by them...progress not perfection...
This is crucial because then you stop before the beating yourself up part, the plunging of self esteem and finally picking up...
Where are you with your step work Steve?
Makes me feel better guys, I do feel good that I can at least recognize now when I'm being "selfish" but glad you guys can relate so I don't feel like such a jerk! lol
yeahgr8- Right now my sponsor and I just started step 8 about 3 days ago. That actually brings up something I've been wanting to ask but just haven't. I will be 90 days sober this time in a few days (WWHOO WHO! lol) but with my sponsor now we're on step 8..I kind of wondered is we're not going through the steps faster than we should? we zipped through steps 1-4 kind of fast then spent #5 for about a week or so,then 6&7 pretty fast and now working on 8 for the past few days on 8.
Even though I've done all 12 before, this is the first time I've done them "willingly" lol...should we be on #8 after only 85 days?
Steve
yeahgr8- Right now my sponsor and I just started step 8 about 3 days ago. That actually brings up something I've been wanting to ask but just haven't. I will be 90 days sober this time in a few days (WWHOO WHO! lol) but with my sponsor now we're on step 8..I kind of wondered is we're not going through the steps faster than we should? we zipped through steps 1-4 kind of fast then spent #5 for about a week or so,then 6&7 pretty fast and now working on 8 for the past few days on 8.
Even though I've done all 12 before, this is the first time I've done them "willingly" lol...should we be on #8 after only 85 days?
Steve
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Makes me feel better guys, I do feel good that I can at least recognize now when I'm being "selfish" but glad you guys can relate so I don't feel like such a jerk! lol
yeahgr8- Right now my sponsor and I just started step 8 about 3 days ago. That actually brings up something I've been wanting to ask but just haven't. I will be 90 days sober this time in a few days (WWHOO WHO! lol) but with my sponsor now we're on step 8..I kind of wondered is we're not going through the steps faster than we should? we zipped through steps 1-4 kind of fast then spent #5 for about a week or so,then 6&7 pretty fast and now working on 8 for the past few days on 8.
Even though I've done all 12 before, this is the first time I've done them "willingly" lol...should we be on #8 after only 85 days?
Steve
yeahgr8- Right now my sponsor and I just started step 8 about 3 days ago. That actually brings up something I've been wanting to ask but just haven't. I will be 90 days sober this time in a few days (WWHOO WHO! lol) but with my sponsor now we're on step 8..I kind of wondered is we're not going through the steps faster than we should? we zipped through steps 1-4 kind of fast then spent #5 for about a week or so,then 6&7 pretty fast and now working on 8 for the past few days on 8.
Even though I've done all 12 before, this is the first time I've done them "willingly" lol...should we be on #8 after only 85 days?
Steve
Seriously i had gone through all the steps and the majority of my amends by 90 day mark...so you're doing fine, if you were on step 4 after 90 days i would have just lost a bit of respect for your sponsor then...thats probably a character defect on my part hehe
Of course you will keep working them as you know daily but not quite in the same way as the ground work you are doing now, just follow your sponsors lead with that though...
Ill be at the one year mark in a couple of months and will be going through the steps again as you are doing now...a guy i respect with some sober time said its true about comparing your spiritual side to a business, taking inventory, keeping the saleable items and getting rid of dead stock to make room for new stock that you will be able to sell...he said so shouldn't you not take anannual inventory as well as daily in the same way a businesss prepares annual records...which makes perfect sense to me!
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Sorry just to be clear about the step work once a year, one would look at their time in sobriety...so not rehash again all the past which should be covered in the workyou are doing now and there should be little there to cover anyway...hope that makes sense:-)
so not rehash again all the past which should be covered in the work you are doing now and there should be little there to cover anyway...hope that makes sense:-)
Steve
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Doing this process once a year in sobriety for me means that anything that i still am holding onto comes to light and any amends gained in that year that i didnt sort out straight away (ishouldnt have any if i am living right) will be in black and white...continuous housekeeping with a once a year thorough stock check...i like that...
But all this is not for now...just keep going with your sponsor as your guide...you doing great:-)
There's an old timer in my group with 25 + years was talking about this at a meeting a year or so back. He said, we're so used to causing all our troubles after we take out the drinking, we sometimes have a hard time of handling our success.
I look around and see how my life has gotten better and pinch myself. My sponsor believes, just not drinking or drugging, life would be better but, why settle for less he says!
I get up without a hang over and go to bed sober at night, it's a good day. Some days are just better then others
I look around and see how my life has gotten better and pinch myself. My sponsor believes, just not drinking or drugging, life would be better but, why settle for less he says!
I get up without a hang over and go to bed sober at night, it's a good day. Some days are just better then others
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