shantra32

waiting....for the hammer to fall........I am 72 days sober and I always wonder how I got out in one piece? I cannot for the life of me understand how I was never hospitalized with alcohol poisoning and just died in my sleep. Every now and then I wonder if maybe some dreaded disease will take me down because how could I possibly have gotten out alive without some reprecussions for my self destructive actions?? Does anyone else ever have thoughts like that or am I just nutty? I have had blood work on my liver and pancreas and all is normal......I have had blood tests for STD's and I'm fine. Don't get me wrong; I am truly grateful but then I start thinking.....something has to give??.........am I alone in this boat?

penny74

l should have been dead 10 times over as well. (or killed someone else while driving)
Makes me think someone is watching over me for some reason.
Be grateful...

shantra32

Oh I'm very grateful.......just freaks me out sometimes when I think about it.....then I think about people who don't abuse their bodies and end up sick with diseases.......I'm thinking too much....:-)

aasharon90

Hi Im Sharon and Im an alcoholic.

By the grace of my HP and people
like you here in SR I havent found
it necessary to pick up a drink of
alcohol since 8-11-90.

For that and u I am truely grateful.

I thought i did pretty good with
not getting any DWI's or DUI's.

I thought i was doing good cause
I didnt kill anyone.

However i had my share of
damage done in my life. A
horrible accident 2am hitting
a concrete culvert landing
myself in a 10day hospital
stay.

That was Feb 1990, then
Aug 1990 my progression
of alcoholism was so rapid
that i wanted to end my
misery.

I was 30ish when family
stepped in with an intervention
doing for me what i could
physically do for myself.

I was admitted to a rehab
where i chose to stay 28
days instead of 2 weeks and
halfway house out of state.

Many do escape with little
physical damage but what
about the emotional, physo-
logical, verbal etc damage
done to others.

Our sickness affects all those
closest to us. Family friends
neighbors, jobs.....

We dont just come into recovery
cause we enjoy the thought
of being an alcoholic or abuser.

We r good people wanting to get
well.

shantra32

.....My drinking has been more embarassing than anything and I have made an ass of myself more than I care to admit...I drove drunk one time and made it home....when I realized what I had done the next morning.....scared myself and I've never done it again thank god. I think thats why I tend to dwell on the physical because other than embarassing myself and beating down my self esteem........during the end of it......I tended to drink alone so embarassing myself was cut down to a minimum.....I used to hide the cell phone and shut the computer off so I couldn't make the drunken texts/phone calls and emails. Oh my.......the tangled webs we weave.........

aasharon90

When we sober up a little bit
then remorse and shame sneeks
in. Then we cant take that feeling
so we numb it time and time again
not reallying wanting to face that
aweful feeling.

I look back on all the stupid things
i did. All the people i slept with.
All the lies i told. All the sneaking,
hiding, coverups i made.

Dishonesty. Falsehoods. Denials.
Unfaithfulness. and so on.

I did all that while under the
enfluence and when i was
sober.

I wasnt completely honest
with myself or others so i
stayed sick.

It was such a huge burden
to carry. It was heavy baggage
i carried. It made me physically,
mentally, emotionally sick.

When finally after many one days
at a time in recovery i became
completely honest in ALL my
affairs, it was then i was set free.

I began to heal more. And more
miracles of recovery have come
true.

I know i did things in my past
that were wrong and i know i
hurt people in my past as well
due to my illness......but today
i am not blaming myself anymore.

As long as i dont hurt anyone today
for one day at a time then im happy
joyous and free as can be.

CarolD

Try to consider why you are healthy and here on
this planet. Start giving of your sober self
to those who need your assistance.....

Keep your mind and heart open to others less fortunate.
And your hands busy too....

Glad you are moving forward...