Getting by in Burlington

Old 04-11-2010, 04:51 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 6
Getting by in Burlington

Hey all

I quit drinking on Feb 15, 2010. That weekend I got dumped and the next weekend my dad died. Yep, a tough February for me.

I persevere for 2 reasons: me and my family. I may be single, I may have every reason in the world to crack a beer and say "screw it" to everything, but I dont. Because I know I am better than alcohol and I know my family, my kids want to see me around in 5, 10 or 20 years. The price, and I dont neccessarily mean financially, of not drinking far outweighs the benefits, if there are any, of alcohol.

So, my story now is I tried to reconcile with my g/f of (a tough due to booze) 3 years, but we hit anither road block when she told me I was being too needy and I was just trying to hurt her when she told me I was too needy (agreed on both accounts). Fact is, I was trying to move my life on too quick, I never grieved for my dad, I never really EXPLORED sobreity, I got sober and wanted her back. I am sure LOTS of people in relationships that ended from drinking tried this. Its probably a natural reaction. But, now she doesnt even talk to me, was that I didnt know ME anymore; 25 years of drinking and after two months I am ok? No, I am not ok.

Anyone else experience this? Trying to reconcile with an ex too quickly after becoming sober?

Thanks for your stories,

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Old 04-11-2010, 09:44 PM
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Location: Australia
Posts: 212,778
Welcome to SR phaseshifter

I destroyed a lot of relationships with my drinking - I broke a lot of trust.

The thing I had to learn was I couldn't make other people feel any particular way.

All I could do was focus on my recovery and hope that, maybe one day, people would see that I was changed and both genuine and honest in desire to be sober...but the focus needed to be for myself, not for anyone else.

Happily most of the people I've hurt have come back into my life, but there's a few who haven't and I'll never forget why they're not there.

Give people time.
Focus on what you need to do now for yourself - if things are meant to be they will be

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Old 04-12-2010, 04:35 AM
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bona fido dog-lover
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Location: SF Bay area, CA
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I wanted my kids' respect back the first day sober. But it takes time. After a while they saw the difference in my behavior and attitude and trusted me again, but it took time and I had to learn to be patient. Give it time.
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Old 04-12-2010, 05:01 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
Anyone else experience this? Trying to reconcile with an ex too quickly after becoming sober?

its a dark place to be.
no partner to make me feel better and no booze to "cap off" the emotion.

We never got back together...she moved married and had children.
today i thank god for giving her the strength to get rid of me.
painful as that was...

i based my sobriety on her........true to form i drank again.

sometime latter i stumbled into aa with a honest desire to never drink again with no pre conditions.....i was done.

eventually i moved on....thinking and ideas changed.

but ill never forget the torment i put her through.........god willing one day it will be appropriate for me to make start to right a wrong.

thank you god for putting back together some of the people i smashed into little pieces.
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Old 04-12-2010, 05:26 AM
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1 bite&all resistance crumbles
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: IRELAND
Posts: 2,208
Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
Welcome to SR phaseshifter

The thing I had to learn was I couldn't make other people feel any particular way.
So Important for Me!
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Old 04-12-2010, 06:19 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 40
I lost a serious relationship due to my constant boozing. I tried talking to her again when I got sober but I think her thinking of me had permanently changed. I eventually met someone else in recovery and I moved on and enjoy a great relationship with her. Unfortunately, life doesn't wait for us to catch up. I guess you just have to catch the next wave. I try to write off my drinking losses as just losses and enjoy what's in store for me. How else do we learn? What else can we do?
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Old 04-12-2010, 08:28 AM
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Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
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Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Sorry to know you lost your Dads earthly presence
I often find comfort over my loved ones
deaths by remembering our good times I sure
hope you will find the same thing true.

After I had quit drinking....maybe 3 months in....
I began to noticed the oddest thing......

The lovers and friends I once enjoyed as a drinker
were no longer acceptable to the new me.
My goals and lifestyle had changed...theirs had not.

Welcome to our recovery community.....
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Old 04-12-2010, 04:03 PM
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 6
Thanks everyone. I appreciate the support and your past experiences as well. As it seems, this is not the right time for me and my girl to be on speaking terms, let alone relationship turns. I will have trouble writing of the past; no one likes it. It hurts. But maybe it is for the best. Time will tell, but that doesnt mean I have to like it.
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