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Ever get to a point in life ... unorganization takes over?

Old 04-09-2010, 12:05 AM
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Question Ever get to a point in life ... unorganization takes over?

Hello everyone, it's me Paulos yet again.

How is it going? I have been back and forth... day 21 without alcohol and I am glad of that, as it was putting me down the toilet ... however ... has anyone ever felt that their lives were in too much disrepair to ever fix anything back to your own standards, or even your body was too wrecked to ever start anew? That's how I feel... and it does not feel good, it's like I'm living with a fake idea about living... I do my exercises, I stay away from booze, I try to accept my autism ... I just don't know what to do. :'(. Sorry for crying but heh I just feel so bad about it, I thought I'd let it out and explain. ... well, bye bye...
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Old 04-09-2010, 12:48 AM
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Sorry that you are having a hard time Paulos. There were moments where I felt like this too- but if it feels like this, that doesn't mean that it's necessarily true. There are only very few things that are completely hopeless.

It takes time to recover, and I remember several episodes where I was thinking:
What if I will never be ok, I'm so damaged by this that I can't imagine how life can be "normal" again.
And maybe these thoughts will arise in the future, I am not saying that I am now immune to this. But what I tried to do is to think differently about it.

And also with time it really got better; even though there are things that I'll never get back. I figured, well, maybe they aren't meant to be gotten back, maybe, recovery sometimes not only to get back what you lost but to build something new that's great.

And Paulos, it's great that you have gone 21 days without alcohol, plus you exercise and try to accept your condition. Don't give up on all this, it will eventually be worth it, even it doesn't feel great now. What's good about the exercising is also that it gives your day some structure. Hang in there, you can do this and you are not "unfixable".
Hope you feel better soon,
S.
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Old 04-09-2010, 01:00 AM
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Paulos, sometimes I don't feel like I am doing well at something fast enough. While it doesn't work with a powerful force every time, it does help me to look back at the little things, going inch by inch instead of mile by mile. I think I know what you mean by it feeling like there is a fake idea of living, as you go forward. I think that means there is a forgetfulness about how alcohol was a fake way of living. That comes into my mind sometimes when I am bored or feel like I am missing out on something. Then I remember I have to put INTO my life in order to feel like I can TAKE anything out of it. I don't know if that makes sense the way I wrote it. You should probably keep doing what you are doing, that is taking inventory of your habits and achievements. The little things add up over time because they are like a foundation (I think...I only have a few months of sobriety).
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Old 04-09-2010, 01:06 AM
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Hey there Paulos,

Thanks for sharing this with us :-)

Like you I felt that everything got out of control in my life and it seemed like such an up hill struggle to get things back to the way they used to be.. By chance I got invited to attend a 'Home Management' course here with a good friend (once a month) which has helped me to start putting order back in my home and life - bit by bit. Cleaning and sorting out my home is like cleaning out a festering wound which is starting to heal now. It's also helped me get on top of my paperwork/filing which was building up since 2006...

On the spiritual side I went to a retreat (it found me as I wasn't looking for it!!) during which I was shut away from the tv, gsm, traffic, city, etc., and I even made new friends from it which didn't revolve around work or the pub, etc. It's also brought me back to Mass on Sundays from which I'm getting a huge amount of strength.

On the physical side I went back to the gym on Wednesday night and am planning to go there three times a week if possible.

I'm 61 days sober today and feel that I'm putting my life back together bit by bit and I think that by breaking it down and doing everything bit by bit in your own pace you will get the strength to get your life back in order. Don't try to do everything at once - take it day by day. I try to do something every evening when I get home from work - cooking (which relaxes me!) and organising/filing, etc. I used to get home, plonk myself on front of the tv and treat myself to a nice glass of wine, or two, or three... Now when I do sit down on front of the tv I feel that I deserve it and I've eaten something good beforehand (at the dinner table and not on front of the tv!) and I drink plenty of nice herbal tea :-).

Big hug,

Almath
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Old 05-03-2010, 07:33 PM
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I Know How You Feel

Tomorrow will be day 2 and I feel like I am in debt up to my eye balls and I don't even know how I'm going to fix it.
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Old 05-05-2010, 03:40 AM
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I just wanna get control and stability back ...... hum.
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