traid77

Hi All,

Well I haven't posted in awhile, but guess what? Without help of any sort, without going to a meeting like I kept telling myself I would, without even trying to stop drinking......my life is awesome. (For those who can't already tell, I decided to be a sarcastic SOB tonight.) Tonight I went to a local casino in the town I am working in this week and dropped 400. Last week I won 1200, then spent 2500 trying to win that back. I have never been a gambler of any real concern, but coupled with my rampant alcoholism, I guess I feel like the gambling is now my problem. If I were on a spiral staircase going down, I'd already be in the basement. I don't even know why I am posting tonight, as all my previous posts were positive, like how I am gonna change, this is the last time, life is looking up,yada yada. Now I just don't even think I have a chance. I am so sick of even trying. Sorry for the $hitty post, don't mean to bring anyone down, just gotta vent. Think I better just resign from SR. Come back if/when I ever get serious.

Traid.

yeahgr8

You mean positive thinking doesn't work!? (my bit of sarcasm;-))

Head down to AA, work the steps, get a spiritual awakening and then enjoy your life, as a sane person, a day at a time being able to do what you want and go where you want...

Dee74

I think you're in the right place Traid.
SR is a great place to come when you need support, and sounds like you need it

I gave up one drug to take up another - sounds like you've done the same, yeah? It's all part of the same disease I think.

What's your plan, Traid?

D

CarolD

Welcome back....

Gambleing with money is not part of my drinking history
I thought it was kinda boring. ..tame....not risky enough.
I was too busy gambleing with higher stakes....my sanity.

Yes....my brain became so saturated ..it began dying.
My psychiatrist said "situational depression" but I knew

Anyway.....he suggested AA so off I went....
rather quickly....depression fled.
Eureka! I found my solution. An awesome adventure.

hope you will too.....

sunrise1

traid, you must have come here for some reason... why not stick around at least?

DayWalker

Traid just remember, this disease kills, and every time we go back out there we never know if we will have the chance to come back for help again. And every time you think things can't possibly get any worse, alcohol will prove that it can and will get worse. Don't wait till something really bad happens. No need at all for you to leave. I'd be willing to bet that every one of us here has got to a point where we were just ready to give it all up because we didn't think we had the strength to go on. We all have that strength inside us though, sometimes it takes swallowing our pride and reaching out to others to find out for ourselves that we do have the strength, just takes a little help sometimes.

Stick around...no one's life ever got "worse" from sticking around here on SR

Steve

traid77

Thanks all who responded...to bring you up to speed, right after I posted this, I went 3 days sober, then absolutely FELL into a bottle on the Thursday night. I got so loaded (by myself) I ended up at some house party (where I knew no one) in a small town in the prairies, fell and broke the poor owners coffee table, was told to leave, and then next thing I remember was the night clerk at the hotel tapping me on the shoulder to escort me away from the room I was trying to gain entry to, which was not mine, not even on the right floor. I had to blow off work on the Friday, due to still being loaded in the am. I am 13 days sober now, almost the longest I have been in....forever it seems like...and I truly believe that was my bottom. I need to get to a meeting as soon as I can, and I pray that I will have the strength and resolve to make it there, and that I truly have hit bedrock this time.

Thanks to all of you....Traid.

CarolD

Good to know you are heading in the correct direction

yeahgr8

Hi Traid

Had to laugh man, you will hear lots of stories like yours in the meetings, its great to be able to laugh at them now...i remember going to AA and i think it was over coffee telling a similar story as yours and a couple of old timers laughed, when they left i asked my sponsor what the hell did they think was so funny...i was serious and still mortified by my actions...he just smiled and said clifford, clifford listen ffs get over yourself eh?!

I thought wtf is going on here on the walk home, and then started grinning thinking i guess it is a little funny...trying to explain that you will get so much help and guidance in AA...get there get a sponsor, start working the steps...once you start doing something real about recovering from alcoholism and once you understand that you haven't been well it takes a load off and if you keep working the steps and get your spiritual awakening asap you will laugh heartily again too...

Get to that meeting and report back!

lawsmith

Hi,
I think what matters the most is our way of thinking.No one can defeat us in the world until we give a chance to defeat ourselves.Remember nothing is impossible in life.If you keep on thinking that you are addicted to gambling then you can never raise up in life.Be positive and just change your view towards life.

rws177

I think that being on these forums can only help you. We have all been there before, hearing about your night on Thursday and missing work Friday reminds me of myself 6 months ago.

Texasblind

Personally, I love to gamble. I love casinos. The problem is, you can't have one without the other and since I have made the choice not to drink, I steer clear of casinos. I miss the craps table and can honestly say I've never had a gambling problem, but drinking is so much part of that culture that I have to stay away.

Marlow

Hey Traid, don't feel too bad. Others have had experiences similiar to yours, including myself. I remember one time I went to a house party some of my students (adult ESL) invited me too. Baaaaadddd idea. Like yourself, I got Way to drunk, crashed some random party down the street, returned to my students party only they had already gone to bed. Started banging on their down, until a group of other students came and took me over to their house.
Needless to say I was fired at the end of the week.

But the fear and anxiety that gripped me for the weeks that followed was terrible. The good news is that time heals all wounds, and if you get sober, it's amazing how much respect you gain from people you think had lost it for you.