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Ugh, yes. I think that this made it worse for me. Took me longer than I wish it had to hit bottom. I was like Lifeis. I did a lot of cooking and drinking out of coffee mugs. |
I was a weekend binger, every few weeks. I'd obsess over it for a few days, not be able to sleep the night before because I was looking forward to it so much. The first evening would be a civilised meals with friends and then a late night bar until around 2am. Sometimes I wouldn't even blackout. Then the 2nd day I'd wake up around 9-11am ish and start straight away. Completely a mess by late afternoon. 3rd day I'd start early again to clear the shakes and if I was visiting friends in order to make the train or car journey home bearable. After that I'd feel miserable for at least a week, but the shame would make me work harder in the gym and eat really healthily. After a week or two I'd start obsessing over drinking again. Sometimes the bender would last up to 6 days, these would take me to a very dark place. I'd cross roads in front of cars willing them to hit me. I just didn't care. |
I realized functioning was just an illusion. Took a deep bottom for me too. However, now I see I expended a ridiculous amount of energy just trying to live. and all I ever got was the appearance of "Average". They say when active we are only 50% of who we really are. I found this to be true in my case. |
No my drinking was different from yours........mostly. but its makes no difference.. different bus same destination. and that destination being complete and utter desperation.. |
Originally Posted by Alizerin
(Post 2561569)
I realized functioning was just an illusion. Took a deep bottom for me too. However, now I see I expended a ridiculous amount of energy just trying to live. and all I ever got was the appearance of "Average". They say when active we are only 50% of who we really are. I found this to be true in my case. To the original poster, yes, that was pretty much me too. Regarding empty bottles: after 8 months, I'm still finding lost, mostly vodka bottles (all empties, of course) in really good hiding spots I'd forgotten about! And funny, a couple Sunday mornings ago as I was dressing I found a hidden nip in my closet. I mentioned it to my wife and she asked if it was full. Stupid question, but funny (now). :-) |
Originally Posted by flutter
(Post 2560033)
Honestly, I think the term functioning alcoholic is a complete oxymoron. Yeah by all appearances I kept a great job, home, marriage, no duis.. many years ago I actually would mix vodka in my beer to make it 'stronger', from a hidden vodka bottle. I stopped that once hubby found the bottles. Fast forward a few years, add availability of hard liquor at a grocery store (its otherwise illegal), and I was hiding vodka again, but chugging it straight and chasing it with juice. Then one weekend I got economical and bought a gallon huge bottle.. and drank on a @unday morning to chase the shakes. I woke up in the ER with my husband and parents crying at my bed. My bac was .568, and I should have been dead. This stuff is horrible, and progressive. I started drinking again 3 weeks laster, deluding myself and huby that id never 'get like that again'. 2 months later I was driven home from work at 9am for being drunk at work. I don't even remember it. I haven't drank since. |
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