TouchTheMirror

The twelve-ounce aluminum monkey is perched on my back once again.

I'm going through a divorce right now so that has me more stressed than usual and as a result I've been drinking more. Friday night when I got home I drank 10 beers. Saturday I started drinking at 9am and went through 22 cans. Yesterday I added another dozen to the shameful total.

Apparently I popped some corn Saturday night and cooked up some spaghetti but I have no memory of it. Not a single fleeting glimmer of a memory. That worries me greatly.

Figured I'd stop by here and put it in writing as a symbol to myself of hope and intention. I have to stop this before it stops me.

Thanks for listening.

Kjell

Hmm...drinking in the morning, blacking out, guilt, shame, remorse... This sounds familiar to me b/c it happened to me too.

It never gets better, my friend, unless we put the plug-in-the-jug and start working recovery.

What is your plan for recovery? Do you want to stop drinking forever?

Lionne

Hi ttm,
Have you thought about a plan how/when to stop it?

TouchTheMirror

Unfortunately, no, not much of a structured plan. I do know the drinking will decrease when the divorce is done and I'm moved into a new house but even then I will still be drinking regularly, just not as much.

Yes, if I could push a button and not ever take another drink, I would push it but I haven't seen one of those buttons anywhere. I know that I won't be drinking today but that's about all I'm certain of.

least

I hope you can come up with a plan to stop drinking before it does stop you.


That's a good start.

CarolD

Sorry to know of your situation....
Welcome back to SR

Have you checked with your doctor about how best
to de tox? That's always a good idea.

I do know you can find understanding and support
if you get connected with your local AA.

Hope you will win over alcohol...recovery really rocks!

hughs dad

Touchthemirror, welcome. One question, why would the drinking decrease once the divorce is final? If you could control in then, couldn't you control it now? Just a question I'd like you to ask yourself. AA works great for me. Best of luck!

TouchTheMirror

Thanks for replying.

The reason has to do with stress. I'm a stress-triggered drinker; in good times I can go for weeks with only two or three drinks a night and maybe getting drunk once on the weekends, but life's stressors (divorce, death, job issues, etc.) really wind me up and I immdeiately turn to booze for help.

I think that when I get moved into a new place and can put that chapter behind me I will not "need" to drink so much and as often. But life being a series of ups and downs, I know that there will eventually come along something to replace the divorce as the next excuse to drink like a fish and that's why I need to try to shake the monkey off my back completely.

Today I promise myself that I will not drink alcohol.

Snarf

Keep that promise to yourself today. And when you wake up tomorrow, make the same promise.

Astro

I understand where you're at and why the stress compels you to drink. I was at the same place 5 years ago. But for me, pain was a terrific motivator to stop drinking, popping open another can didn't solve anything. And even though I kept resisting what I saw was working for others in recovery, I couldn't deny that the longer I was sober and working a program, I was slowly starting to feel better, more comfortable in my skin and life.

Your join date here is '06. Please, consider what's going on in your life and try to commit yourself to recovery. It can get a whole lot worse, or you can make the decision to get better.

littlebluedog

Oh those blackouts. I remember that horrifying feeling, and I definitely empathize with you. Recognizing your problem is a great start. What you do about it from here is your choice. I'm going to piggy back Carol and suggest getting in touch with an AA group in your area. It can, and will get better, you just have to be willing. Best of luck to you!