A fresh start
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 14
A fresh start
Hello,
I’ve been browsing the forums here for a couple days now and I believe I could find a lot of support here on my personal journey to sobriety. I’ll go ahead and tell a little bit about myself. My name is Chris, I’m almost 24 years old, divorced, I do have a good full time job which I’ve managed to hang on to. I have been telling myself for almost 3 years now that I’m too young to be an alcoholic, however the more I read and step back and look at things, the more I realize, I have a problem. I come from a long line of daily drinkers, and was brought up not realizing alcohol could be a problem.
I had a nearly perfect life, I married my high school sweetheart when we were 18, by 19, we owned our first home, both of us had very good jobs, nice vehicles. I can look back today and everything was in place to live a long and fulfilling life. Then I slowly began drinking, first with family, then it spilled into friends, one night a week became two which became 3 then before I know it, every night. Slowly my life fell apart, I lost my job, my house, and most importantly the person that meant the most to me, all in early 2008.
I would estimate I have been drinking daily for nearly 4 years, but since losing my wife and everything I had worked to build, the drinking has intensified. In May of 2009 I moved to a much larger city than I was accustom to. The night life and being closer to my friends proved to increase my drinking by nearly double every day. Previously I may have stopped after work and picked up a 6 pack of some sort of micro brew, limiting myself to that daily. Since moving it seems I hardly have a night I remember 100%. I can’t count the number of nights I would pick up a bottle of bourbon after work only to wake up the next morning to it being empty, hardly recalling the events from the previous night. What started as partying with friends became a nightly ritual by myself. I was slowly starting to consider I may have a problem, I wasn’t drinking for fun anymore, I wasn’t even drinking socially anymore. I was drinking so I did not have to face life.
Last Wednesday night was the eye opener for me. I had a friend come by, a long time drinking buddy. We were sitting around chatting, and of course, drinking. We had a bottle of 100 proof liquor and a case of beer. I vaguely remember finishing the bottle, then I don’t recall anything else. I woke up the next morning to a very sore and very scraped up leg. I could hardly walk and had no recollection of what happened. I asked my roommate what had happened as he was the only sober one in the house at the time.
I stood up around 2:30 am (I don’t remember past 10:30 or 11:00), unable to walk, I braced myself on walls or anything I could find to get into my bedroom. I locked the door and they heard a very loud crash, no one was able to get into my room, I was silent. I’m not sure what happened, roughly ten minutes later they tell me I called and told them I was ok.
As laughable as the story above sounds, it’s some what of a last straw for me. When I woke up, 8 hours later, I blew a .18 on my portable breathalyzer. I decided that day, I’m done, it’s not a choice for me any longer. At this rate I will have a very short and unfulfilling life. I have not had a drink since then, nor do I have intentions of ever touching the bottle again. However, I’m very concerned about the next few months if not the next few years of recovery.
Even the last 3 days I’m noticing emotional highs and lows. Yesterday was the worst so far. I found myself becoming angry at petty things, so mad I was red in the face. This is very unlike me, I’m very laid back by nature, not easily irritated, I just like to go with the flow. What else can I expect to experience and how can I stay on the right track? I’ve yet to have a craving but I’m sure it’s because it’s all new to me and at the current time I’m still motivated to quit. This is something I want and most importantly need, but I don’t want to lose friends or distance myself from family. I’ve read several stories on here of people that have quit and live a sober life now which gives me hope.
Any help or input will be greatly appreciated, I know it will be a tough road but I’m sure it can be nothing but positive.
I’ve been browsing the forums here for a couple days now and I believe I could find a lot of support here on my personal journey to sobriety. I’ll go ahead and tell a little bit about myself. My name is Chris, I’m almost 24 years old, divorced, I do have a good full time job which I’ve managed to hang on to. I have been telling myself for almost 3 years now that I’m too young to be an alcoholic, however the more I read and step back and look at things, the more I realize, I have a problem. I come from a long line of daily drinkers, and was brought up not realizing alcohol could be a problem.
I had a nearly perfect life, I married my high school sweetheart when we were 18, by 19, we owned our first home, both of us had very good jobs, nice vehicles. I can look back today and everything was in place to live a long and fulfilling life. Then I slowly began drinking, first with family, then it spilled into friends, one night a week became two which became 3 then before I know it, every night. Slowly my life fell apart, I lost my job, my house, and most importantly the person that meant the most to me, all in early 2008.
I would estimate I have been drinking daily for nearly 4 years, but since losing my wife and everything I had worked to build, the drinking has intensified. In May of 2009 I moved to a much larger city than I was accustom to. The night life and being closer to my friends proved to increase my drinking by nearly double every day. Previously I may have stopped after work and picked up a 6 pack of some sort of micro brew, limiting myself to that daily. Since moving it seems I hardly have a night I remember 100%. I can’t count the number of nights I would pick up a bottle of bourbon after work only to wake up the next morning to it being empty, hardly recalling the events from the previous night. What started as partying with friends became a nightly ritual by myself. I was slowly starting to consider I may have a problem, I wasn’t drinking for fun anymore, I wasn’t even drinking socially anymore. I was drinking so I did not have to face life.
Last Wednesday night was the eye opener for me. I had a friend come by, a long time drinking buddy. We were sitting around chatting, and of course, drinking. We had a bottle of 100 proof liquor and a case of beer. I vaguely remember finishing the bottle, then I don’t recall anything else. I woke up the next morning to a very sore and very scraped up leg. I could hardly walk and had no recollection of what happened. I asked my roommate what had happened as he was the only sober one in the house at the time.
I stood up around 2:30 am (I don’t remember past 10:30 or 11:00), unable to walk, I braced myself on walls or anything I could find to get into my bedroom. I locked the door and they heard a very loud crash, no one was able to get into my room, I was silent. I’m not sure what happened, roughly ten minutes later they tell me I called and told them I was ok.
As laughable as the story above sounds, it’s some what of a last straw for me. When I woke up, 8 hours later, I blew a .18 on my portable breathalyzer. I decided that day, I’m done, it’s not a choice for me any longer. At this rate I will have a very short and unfulfilling life. I have not had a drink since then, nor do I have intentions of ever touching the bottle again. However, I’m very concerned about the next few months if not the next few years of recovery.
Even the last 3 days I’m noticing emotional highs and lows. Yesterday was the worst so far. I found myself becoming angry at petty things, so mad I was red in the face. This is very unlike me, I’m very laid back by nature, not easily irritated, I just like to go with the flow. What else can I expect to experience and how can I stay on the right track? I’ve yet to have a craving but I’m sure it’s because it’s all new to me and at the current time I’m still motivated to quit. This is something I want and most importantly need, but I don’t want to lose friends or distance myself from family. I’ve read several stories on here of people that have quit and live a sober life now which gives me hope.
Any help or input will be greatly appreciated, I know it will be a tough road but I’m sure it can be nothing but positive.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((Chris)) - welcome to SR!!
I'm not an alcholic (crack was my DOC), but there are many, many here who will be along with some ES&H (expereince, strength and hope). You may also want to check out the alcoholism forum.
When I first got here, the more I read, the more I realized I wasn't alone....even if the DOC (drugs of choice) were different, there were many similarities to SO many people and that helped a lot.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I'm not an alcholic (crack was my DOC), but there are many, many here who will be along with some ES&H (expereince, strength and hope). You may also want to check out the alcoholism forum.
When I first got here, the more I read, the more I realized I wasn't alone....even if the DOC (drugs of choice) were different, there were many similarities to SO many people and that helped a lot.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Snarf Snarf
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: ATL
Posts: 835
Chris, my name is likewise Chris, and Wednesday was also my last night drinking. I'm 4 years older than you, but I'm on the verge of losing my fiancee (the love of my life) and being kicked out of our home. We don't own it, but it's still my home, with her.
Much of what you speak of is things I have gone through. Drinking alone, blacking out, forgetting entire nights, intending to have a couple and finishing the bottle/case...I've been there. And like you, on Thursday I decided to quit. But I wasn't as lucky as you. The breathalyzer I blew into wasn't my portable one; it was the one at the county jail.
I'm right there with ya. Starting looking around here same time as you did. Let me know if you ever wanna chat. I started attending AA and got a sponsor, and it's helped tremendously these last 3.5 days.
Take care.
Chris
Much of what you speak of is things I have gone through. Drinking alone, blacking out, forgetting entire nights, intending to have a couple and finishing the bottle/case...I've been there. And like you, on Thursday I decided to quit. But I wasn't as lucky as you. The breathalyzer I blew into wasn't my portable one; it was the one at the county jail.
I'm right there with ya. Starting looking around here same time as you did. Let me know if you ever wanna chat. I started attending AA and got a sponsor, and it's helped tremendously these last 3.5 days.
Take care.
Chris
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 14
Chris,
It's nice to find someone that can relate almost directly. It's great to hear that you are still in your relationship though and it sounds salvageable. I would love to see you pull through and save it, I wish I had wised up before it was too late for me.
I'm very fortunate that I did not encounter legal trouble, there were many times I could have found myself in your shoes driving when I should not have, and in several instances not remembering the drive at all.
I have thought about AA, I'm not sure if I lack the courage to seek it out or perhaps I'm embarrassed. I'm trying it on my own but I feel determined enough that I will seek it out if I start slipping.
It's nice to find someone that can relate almost directly. It's great to hear that you are still in your relationship though and it sounds salvageable. I would love to see you pull through and save it, I wish I had wised up before it was too late for me.
I'm very fortunate that I did not encounter legal trouble, there were many times I could have found myself in your shoes driving when I should not have, and in several instances not remembering the drive at all.
I have thought about AA, I'm not sure if I lack the courage to seek it out or perhaps I'm embarrassed. I'm trying it on my own but I feel determined enough that I will seek it out if I start slipping.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,760
Welcome to SR! 
Lots of us here with lots of experience strength and hope to share with you. My story is quite different, but the same end: I finally admitted I had a problem and sought help. I've relapsed more than I'd like to remember but am now over 100 days and going strong.
Please give AA a good try if you find yourself in a rough spot in sobriety. There are some great people there, just like here, and they understand what you're going thru.
Again, welcome!
Lots of us here with lots of experience strength and hope to share with you. My story is quite different, but the same end: I finally admitted I had a problem and sought help. I've relapsed more than I'd like to remember but am now over 100 days and going strong. Please give AA a good try if you find yourself in a rough spot in sobriety. There are some great people there, just like here, and they understand what you're going thru.
Again, welcome!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 14
Thanks for all the input guys, it is much appreciated. It's great to come to a place like this and get such a warm reception. I intend on becoming regularly active on SR, it seems like a very positive community. What seemed virtually unreachable doesn't seem nearly as distant after spending some time browsing on here.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,243
Welcome Chris!
Your story is not an uncommon one, I experienced many of the same things you have. I didn't understand is that alcoholism is progressive, the longer we continue to drink the greater the consequences. My consequences wound up being rather nasty.
I told myself that I wasn't an alcoholic up right up until the end. Admitting I was an alcoholic was the beginning of my recovery.
I engaged AA, worked the step and wound up staying sober. I found out that like the vast majority of us that I could not do it by myself. A program of recovery made all the difference in the world for me.
If you haven't seen your doc it would be a great time for a visit.
Glad you are here!
Your story is not an uncommon one, I experienced many of the same things you have. I didn't understand is that alcoholism is progressive, the longer we continue to drink the greater the consequences. My consequences wound up being rather nasty.
I told myself that I wasn't an alcoholic up right up until the end. Admitting I was an alcoholic was the beginning of my recovery.
I engaged AA, worked the step and wound up staying sober. I found out that like the vast majority of us that I could not do it by myself. A program of recovery made all the difference in the world for me.
If you haven't seen your doc it would be a great time for a visit.
Glad you are here!
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome to our recovery community....
I too was a blackout drinker...gee! I thought everyone was...
Here is some info you may not have read....blackouts are
explained but do read the entire link....
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
That book convinced me to quit drinking.
I've been useing God and AA for my recovery
Glad to know you are here with us!
I too was a blackout drinker...gee! I thought everyone was...
Here is some info you may not have read....blackouts are
explained but do read the entire link....
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
That book convinced me to quit drinking.
I've been useing God and AA for my recovery
Glad to know you are here with us!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Ontario
Posts: 806
to the familyI can relate to alot of your story!
My only concern is whether or not you're going to meetings,...the on-line thing is good but I think the face to face thing is just as important.
Even if you don't like the first meeting or two find the one you feel comfortable in,... and join it. Trust me when I say you won't regret it.
Again thanks for sharing and welcome to your new life.
Staying clean and sober is the new cool
Snarf Snarf
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: ATL
Posts: 835
Chris, I hope you made it through the night and avoided those temptations.
And remember, from what I've seen here, it's a very caring and understanding collection of people. Even if you fall down, don't get discouraged; allow these people to help pick you back up.
Prayers for you and all those suffering today.
Chris
And remember, from what I've seen here, it's a very caring and understanding collection of people. Even if you fall down, don't get discouraged; allow these people to help pick you back up.
Prayers for you and all those suffering today.
Chris
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Indianapolis
Posts: 161
Chris, thank you for sharing your story. Sounds very familiar to me. I LOOOOOVED whiskey and beer together when I was drinking. 100 proof was the only way to go (knob creek for me)... anyway, I too blacked out, lost relationships, did dumb shittt, etc... All I would say is if you have the desire to stop drinking, you might check out an AA meeting. I am 10 years older than you but I have known I was an alcoholic since I was 17. The problem is knowing you are is quite different from doing something about it. There is a saying that says "nothing changes, if nothing changes". Quitting cold turkey, keeping yourself in / around the same environment, and hanging on to relationships (freinds) that might not be in your best interest is not a good start for recovery (IMO). I'm not saying you have to get rid of your freinds and never hang out in certain places again. I'm just saying if you want to free yourself from this anchor that's holding you back it will take some changes on your part. To me, AA has helped emensely.
AA was the only place that I could find sober people who understood where I am coming from. I had met some good sober people that I liked at work and church, but I never felt I could be 100% myself. I'd find myself in situations with these "normal drinkers" like "hey let's go get some dinner", and at dinner they'd order beers, so I, against my better judgment would get one to. The difference is I would drink my two beers at dinner, then go to the LQ and get a bottle whiskey, drink the bottle at home, then call in sick the next day at work. They on the other had, had their two beers, went home, and went to bed. I had no intention of drinking as much as I would, but it just seemed to happen more and more.
Since getting involved in AA I have found some great people. I can play golf with them, go to concerts, and just hang out and my alchohol monster never has to be waken. I still have freinds from my drinking days, but I just have to me mindful of the situations I'm going to put myself in. It is said, anything you put in front of your sobriety you will one day lose. Not trying to be preachy here, I just want you to know there are people out there that understand where you are coming from and who can help.
Best of luck!
AA was the only place that I could find sober people who understood where I am coming from. I had met some good sober people that I liked at work and church, but I never felt I could be 100% myself. I'd find myself in situations with these "normal drinkers" like "hey let's go get some dinner", and at dinner they'd order beers, so I, against my better judgment would get one to. The difference is I would drink my two beers at dinner, then go to the LQ and get a bottle whiskey, drink the bottle at home, then call in sick the next day at work. They on the other had, had their two beers, went home, and went to bed. I had no intention of drinking as much as I would, but it just seemed to happen more and more.
Since getting involved in AA I have found some great people. I can play golf with them, go to concerts, and just hang out and my alchohol monster never has to be waken. I still have freinds from my drinking days, but I just have to me mindful of the situations I'm going to put myself in. It is said, anything you put in front of your sobriety you will one day lose. Not trying to be preachy here, I just want you to know there are people out there that understand where you are coming from and who can help.
Best of luck!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Buzz-free Zone
Posts: 1,372
Welcome, Chris! I love the spin you put on Raven - my cool kitty's name is Raven.
Getting sober and learning to live in recovery is full of emotions. I was short-tempered in the early recovery too. It's just part of the process of adjusting to a new way of thinking and living. It does get better and getting help is really important.
I did AA in the beginning, but really attribute my recovery to a LADAC counselor I saw one night a week for the first year. He saved my life.
Glad you're here! Lots of great people and support. And try different recovery methods/programs - there's quite a few - see what works for you.
All the best~
Getting sober and learning to live in recovery is full of emotions. I was short-tempered in the early recovery too. It's just part of the process of adjusting to a new way of thinking and living. It does get better and getting help is really important.
I did AA in the beginning, but really attribute my recovery to a LADAC counselor I saw one night a week for the first year. He saved my life.
Glad you're here! Lots of great people and support. And try different recovery methods/programs - there's quite a few - see what works for you.
All the best~
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Huntington, WV
Posts: 225
yup you belong here.. I hope you keep posting. My biggest hang up is always being afraid to share because I am bothering people. Well, I am doing everything to change that because I have really screwed up my life badly in just the last week. But I am glad we all have the fellowhip
DOS: 11/6/10
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Florida Panhandle, USA
Posts: 736
Welcome and glad you decided to come here. Personally I caught myself fairly early on, but that doesn't really make any of us much different, better, worse... The last time I drank, I could have been featured on Intervention. Bad, bad, bad things.
The good news is I don't have to do that any more- not even one single time- and for me, it was AA that showed me that. I urge you to find a meeting in your area (there are tons I'm sure, unless you live in the outback or something)... give it, and yourself a chance.
You also might want to see a doctor; detoxing on your own is not advised and your doctor may also be able to help you with those mood swings as you recover.
Peace,
s
The good news is I don't have to do that any more- not even one single time- and for me, it was AA that showed me that. I urge you to find a meeting in your area (there are tons I'm sure, unless you live in the outback or something)... give it, and yourself a chance.
You also might want to see a doctor; detoxing on your own is not advised and your doctor may also be able to help you with those mood swings as you recover.
Peace,
s
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 14
Hey guys! Didn't get a chance to jump on here yesterday but I signed in today and couldn't believe all the responses! Great community you have here. I am still going strong and I'm still very motivated. It has been nearly a week now and I've already found that keeping myself busy helps immensely for resisting that drink. I've been having the little mood swings, nothing too major, I've found their fairly easy to take care of if I just sit back and think about things for a minute before acting on my feelings.
I am not overlooking the advice of attending meetings and getting a sponsor in any way. There are a few personal things such as religion which are pushing me away from that in a way. I don't criticize anyone for the religion they choose, after all there are many flavors for a reason, there's something for everyone. However, the more I read about AA, the 12 steps, etc, it seems to be very Christianity based. There's nothing wrong with that, I just do not feel comfortable participating in something I don't whole heartedly believe in, but as said before, I am willing to do what it takes to get sober, and remain that way.
I am not overlooking the advice of attending meetings and getting a sponsor in any way. There are a few personal things such as religion which are pushing me away from that in a way. I don't criticize anyone for the religion they choose, after all there are many flavors for a reason, there's something for everyone. However, the more I read about AA, the 12 steps, etc, it seems to be very Christianity based. There's nothing wrong with that, I just do not feel comfortable participating in something I don't whole heartedly believe in, but as said before, I am willing to do what it takes to get sober, and remain that way.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
While we AAers are very vocal as we carry the message
of our recovery..... not all SR members use AA.
We do have members who are happily successfully sober
who use all sorts of different ways to win over alcohol.
Glad you are doing well.....thanks for checking in
and do post often with us.....
of our recovery.....
not all SR members use AA.We do have members who are happily successfully sober
who use all sorts of different ways to win over alcohol.
Glad you are doing well.....thanks for checking in
and do post often with us.....
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
If you want to explore ...here is a list Chris
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...resources.html
And some members do any specific program.
All my best as you continue to improve....
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...resources.html
And some members do any specific program.
All my best as you continue to improve....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 14
Originally Posted by CarolD 
If you want to explore ...here is a list Chris
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...resources.html
And some members do any specific program.
All my best as you continue to improve....
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...resources.html
And some members do any specific program.
All my best as you continue to improve....
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