DayWalker

That's me, left to my own thought this weekend. About 9 weeks sober and doing well, but last night the fam left for the weekend till Sunday and I couldn't go due to work (small biz owner/work for myself but have tons of work) so I told them "bye" yesterday. No thoughts at all of drinking yesterday one bit!

Today I have been great morning and afternoon. Went to a meeting this morning at 10am, talked to my sponsor around 6pm...Right now at 11pm..."okay" but could be better.

Anyone else had these thoughts that get stronger when your alone? I'm "okay" and sure I wont drink tonight. But I'm wondering why I feel so much more venrable(sp) late at night when I'm alone than I do during the day. I'll talk with my sponsor tomorrow morn about this same thing, but just wanted to bring this up here tonight and see what you guys thought. Is it just the night that makes us feel more alone/open to those old thoughts??

Why can you wake up feeling great, and at night go to bed feeling questionable? seems weird.

Steve

CAPTAINZING2000

ever drink a warm glass of milk and just go to bed??

Actually, getting some AA books or something positive or spiritual reading and reading them in bed etc. wouldn't hurt right now.

hughs dad

Sounds like my last post. I know exactly what you are saying....

Zebra1275

Here's what I think, because I've had similiar experiences in the past. Thoughts of drinking are there because it's night and you used to drink at night. However, I would guess that the real issue is, you are alone and part of you is thinking, "I could drink tonight and nobody would ever know because I'm by myself."

I have also found being alone in a hotel room can be a dangerous time. Sometimes I need to leave town for meetings and my business day ends at 5, and then I'm free until the next morning at 8. Eating dinner alone and then spending the night alone in a hotel room could be a trigger for me to drink. When I travel now I make sure I that I have a lot of things to keep myself busy (books, a movie, exercise, shopping, etc.).

CarolD

Steve ....
wanna try my nightly ritual?

I check out SR one last time Usually post in the
Gratitude Forum. Put on favorite music...classical for me.
Take a warm shower....do my nightly AA inventory.
Pray and have a snack often ice cream.....
works rather well to keep me in calm balance.

I've been contentedly living alone for years.
I keep strange hours anyway.

DayWalker

Yep..I think your right Zebra, and I hate to even admit it. I've felt pretty good the past couple months, mostly because I'm had my mom, sister. neice/nephew around about every day or two coming to see me. Been helping my niece with her "poems" homework lol. Nephew with his computer probs & math homework, and mom around on the phone 2-3 times a day. Now yesterday&today I've been all alone and left to "my Life". I'm proud to say I've been 100% sober these last two months and I've actually liked it. But now all the sudden I do feel all to myself and as much as I hate to say it those little thoughts of "Psssttt...hey your alone, no one will know!" are creeping into my head.

I don't like those thoughts, and I'm sure Keith (my sponsor) will kick my butt in the morn when he asks "how ya doing" lol when I tell him this. But I figured talking it out here would be better than just bottleing (sp) it up all night and laying awake thinking about it

Appreciate the input guys, thanks.

Steve

CAPTAINZING2000

sit on here reading and posting until, you can't keep your eyes open any longer. i used to do that a lot on here

DayWalker

Thanks Chris... that's why I stay around here, you guys understand!

Steve

Toronto68

I guess it is part of our nature to experience changes in thought patterns as a result of the night. We drank for a reason (not a reasonable one, but a reason), and we were programmed to feel secure with it.

I had triggers come up this past week, and I could see the old thinking pattern emerging (don't like something-->it's all going to go bad-->I feel alone with it-->the fear now owns me-->have to defend against it-->alcohol will drown it). That is my attempt at what I think was going on in my head. It was painful, but I just disengaged the issues that were ticking me off, and reminded myself that that thinking pattern is not going to work for me. These things came up during the daytime, but it would make perfect sense for the thinking pattern to come up at night too. And I live alone on top of it.

I'm responsible for how I deal with things I don't like and also for being happy, and I have to keep learning it every day.

DayWalker

T68 I don't know how you do it honestly. I feel I'm doing "good" being 2 months sober, going to meetings, sponsor, etc....But being all "alone" tonight is what is killing me. I'm having issues with being alone because I'm feeling like I don't have to worry about responsibilities all the sudden now. I'm getting through it. Mainly because the stores here close in an hr so I'm just keepping myself busy here on the site (sounds lame I know, but working for the past hr).


But being on your own everyday, man I don't know how long I could last doing this every day like this At least how I am right now that is.

Steve

DayWalker

Just wanted to say...thanks to SR tonight!

I started having "those thoughts" so for the past couple hours or so, so I jumped in the chat room and talked with some really nice people here on SR. And I talked for an hr because now it's almost 2am and the party stores here are now closed, so I couldn't drink now even if I wanted too lol. and thats why I kept myself busy in the chat for the past hr. So thank's SR! This place works in more ways than you know if you look for it.

Steve

Recovery1983

Hey Daywalker,

I live by myself and I dont have a gf/wife or kids. It's not usually the nights that kill me but it is usually the Friday and Saturday nights that are difficult. I think that the media has conditioned us to think that it's time to relax and go out to a bar or just kick back with a beer while watching some TV. Ever notice during the big events on TV, they'll alcohol advertisements start coming up more? For example, around New Years, Super Bowl, and the weekends. At least for me, the illusion that it's Friday or Saturday night and I should be out with my friends at a bar and relaxing with a few drinks. During this time, while i'm relaxing, I meet eye to eye with a beautiful girl and we instantly hit it off. Sounds like a good commercial right. As an alcoholic, it's more like I go to a bar with friends and take so many shots and just embarrass myself.
Alcohol is a big business just like cigarettes. Hope this gave you a different perspective.

Kerbcrawler

Yes can relate to very much...weekends really tough to hang on to sobriety for me...Always that horrible..naggin feelin am missin out on somethin...OR so am led to beleive with all the commercial hype..And conditioning..of hows its the norm to go out an get completly trashed...afterall worked hard all week..now its my time to reap the rewards...of indulging me with my d,o,c...jus end up feelin the odd one out..back at work wit the boys laughin an jokin bout all the crazy drunken antics an drama..that happened to unfold...whilst out on the razz...oh well its a better way now, to turn up sober..an still have a few bob in your pocket...That brings another point up..fear of becoming a fuddy dud...borin git..who doesent know how to be silly..an have a good old laugh..as dont want to end up like Mr deadly serious..whos afraid to express himself.., All these issues are real to me, an gonna have to be worked on an through...its a big challenge to learn to have fun without booze..and not to become seriously repressed..i still wanna be the person..who can be silly laugh at himself..and the crazy silly bizzare predicaments..we find ourselves in... steve yes bein left to my own devices..the temptation is far greater..

yeahgr8

Steve

The nights were always the worst for me before, hated them...nothing good ever happened at night, when it was dark...and nothing too bad happened during the day so i guess thats where the night thing came in for me.

I am alone in a foreign country with very little contact with people, i am definitely in the right place for me now, getting to know and getting a good relationship going with myself...maybe this is your time and you won't need as much as me?! It's obviously God working in my life putting me here cos i have no friggin idea why im here, well me as SELF doesn't anyway

Anyways good news is that since working the steps and having a spiritual awakening it doesn't matter what time it is or what is going on in my life, it's all good...i love night time now because it means i can chill out and then go to bed...man i looooove sleeping and lying in bed, i reckon thats because of yearsw of being unable to relax or sleep nursing the worst hangovers, you know when you arre soooo tired but cant sleep and sit there trying to contcentrate on something like the tellly whilst you're legs jiggling up and down and the slightest noise makes you jump out of your skin...ah the good old days!

Also i can spend considerable time by myself now and not be bored, lonely or unhappy...before i didn't want to spend even a minute by myself...

Hope you get some enjoyment out of your time by yourself, look at it this way as an alcohoolic with or without a spiritual awakening you are never alone, either way you have God with you...and pre spiritual awakening lots of voices too...bonus:-)

Sikkisirus

Laying there at night always opens the gates to excessive thinking. I agree with CaptainZing and a great way to shut them off is to read/post here

Toronto68

DayW, as far as how I do it, well, I had to think about that for a minute. I have lived alone a long time, and that was the context in which my alcoholism gained momentum, and then in the last few years, so much soul was sucked out of me, that there was next to no desire left to be more social. Work/home, work/home; not drinking/drinking, not drinking/drinking. Then I stopped drinking recently in the middle of changing my work. It didn't "just happen"; but I was definitely surprised I was able to rise up from it. (That's why I wound up here, I was wondering what was going on, did I really do it, what is going to happen next, etc?) There could very well be aspects of your "thinking problem" that you are further ahead on than I am, like the social department. Although sometimes I think that is me being selective and cautious. (Some people are a waste of time, and I am not the most generous person in the world to spend it with them.) I guess it just appears to you that my being alone with myself is daunting. Everybody has their own version of "doing well" and also their own ways of doing what it takes to stay away from drinking.

least

Congrats on your nine weeks!! Yes, I think a lot of it is that 'voice' telling us that we could get away with it, no one there to see, who would know. I guess that the longer we don't listen, the fainter the voice becomes. I know I was under a lot of stress the last week and didn't once think of drinking over it, so I guess it just takes time to get better.

tyler

Yes, hapens to me all the time. I'm 41 and have been staying with my parents for about the last 5 years. (They dragged me home after a suicide attempt left in the mental ward for 2 weeks and they wouldn't release me without someone to take me in) Even though I've been clean from drugs close to a year now, I still struggle with the alcohol, always at night and much worse when they are out of town.

It bothers me very much as it makes me feel like I will never reach the point where I can live on my own again. It's not like I have it bad at all her. It's a nice house, I have my own area to myself, almost like having my own appartment, but I still feel like I need to reach that point of being able to support myself on my own again.

I say again, but I probably shouldn't. I've really only lived by myself twice. The first time I ended up in rehab, and the second ended with the situation I described above. I've gone from a 3-4 night a week binge drinker to going weeks, even more than a month without anything. But it seems like the moment I'm alone for any period of time I always seem to give in.

I'm glad you are hanging in there with this. It sounds like you are doing well asking for (and more importantly accepting) help from your support network. I've really been thinking about giving meetings another shot, but so far thinking is as far as it goes. With my work schedule, leaving as early as 7:30 and not getting home until between 7 and 9:30, I've had a tough time finding anything that works. I live in a small community and I've not been able to find many options. That said, I should probably look a little harder.

Jest wanted to let you know that you are far from alone feeling like you do. It's good to hear that you are finding a way to make thing work. Take care.

Rimmy

I was left alone for two hours yesterday (day 3) and that was wierd after 2-1/2 days of constant company. I asked my wife to take her beers with her so they would not be in the house, and no really bad temptations, but I guess that instinct lasts a long time.

Congrats on 9 weeks and I appreciate the heads up.

keithj

9 weeks is a long time, Steve. It's almost impossible to imagine a lifetime of resisting those urges a day at a time.
And I don't know if night time is any worse or not. That was traditionally a rough few hours for me, but by the end of my drinking, every hour was a rough hour.

It's my experience that resisting urges, even if they are infrequent and mild, was a losing battle in the end. The day would always come for me when the insane thought won out, or I just didn't have much of a thought at all. I'd pick up a drink, and would start the insanity all over again, not really understanding why or having it make much sense in light of where drinking always took me.

The only freedom I found from that seemingly endless cycle was to get recovered as described in the 10th Step promises on page 85 of the BB.

That the only suggestion I can make to you as well, Steve. Get to that point in the Steps. Do the all the actions to get there. Have that spiritual awakening that removes the problem.

If the problem of booze is still there, I'm always going to lose that battle. My only hope is to not have the problem. And I can't remove the problem without spiritual help.

It really did come down for me, to what Step was I on. Desperate, single minded focus on the Steps got me to that place where the problem was gone.

So, what Step are you on?