gmaklay

Well as most of you know. I kicked the 10 year habit I had in '09, the only drink I had in that year was at a celebration at a race. I drank about a six pack of Budlight. Pretty much uneventful afterwards. I was stoked about it but still decided to remain a non drinker. Well my mother passed here a week or so ago and I figured I'd have a couple drinks with my family. I had 2 Coffee cups full of wine. Went to bed, woke up felt fine... That was on Saturday. Life was great as usual until about Wedesday.... HOLY COW, it's like I'm fighting PAWS all over again! And its just about as bad as it was the last time (Which lasted about 50 days) Jesus all I can do is pray that it don't. However, since Wednesday it's been whoopin my ass. It pretty much starts when I wake up in the morning till I lay down at night. Luckly I do have Emergency Benzos for this type of situation.

This is just another reminder and lesson, that we can NEVER go back... NOT EVEN ONE DRINK OR SO. I thought there was no way a couple drinks could put me back at day one with PAWS..

Sorry I let everyone down including myself.

CAPTAINZING2000

Are you doing this on your own ? S/R can be a help but some people need a full fledged support group!

suki44883

So sorry to hear of your mother's passing. ((((HUGS))))

Sounds like you've learned a valuable lesson. There's no need to apologize to anyone. Just get up and start over again. You can do it. We're here for you.

gmaklay

No Cap....

I've done this about 7 times now over the years. The first 4 dayz are pretty tough with the withdrawals, but I always struggle with PAWS. I just never had them after just getting back into a couple drinks.

I don't have a problem not drinking. I don't have a problem just drinking a couple, however my body thinks otherwise. Even a couple of drinks puts me in to PAWS...

Lessoned learned.

gmaklay

Thanks Suki!

CAPTAINZING2000

Might be a good idea to check with your Doctor about it.

Sorry about your mother

yeahgr8

Sorry for your loss man, can't imagine what it must be like!

Won't say too much, but have a think about AA...would have been very useful to have a f2f network of sober friends to fall back on/go to at a time like this:-)

Toronto68

I'm sorry about your mother.

I'm surprised your family was OK with you having wine - or did you not share with them your having stopped in the past?

My mother died about 10 years ago, father about 20 years ago; although my mother was sick (and no longer "there") for over 20 years. My drinking spiked after each one died, and these issues are actually one of the reasons I used alcohol to modify my feelings. It created an illusion of strength for me. It also was a way of curing boredom and generally replacing life, so bereavement was definitely not the only reason. The illusion was useful sometimes, but it's obviously unfortunate that I was also an addict. It would have been nice to try to be strong without the alcohol but I guess I was tired of trying. I only stopped recently.

I hope you will put the right mix of things in place to stay away from alcohol.

CarolD

Sorry to know of your Mothers passing....

Have you talked to your doctor about whatever
is happening to you? That would be a good idea.
It might be or might not be what you think.
Only a doctor can know.

Be really careful with those Benzos...they are addictive
and you already feel low.

least

My last relapse, one hundred and some days ago, wasn't that overboard... but I was sicker than a dog for the next couple days. I mean SICK. Not PAWS, but withdrawals. I think that threw a 'psychic change' upside my thick skull cause I haven't caved in since. And last week was pretty harrowing and didn't even have the desire to drink.

You know what to do now. Get back up on the wagon and start again. And please do see your doctor to make sure of what's going on with you. Be safe, not sorry.

gmaklay

Check up went fine.

This week is better than last. I didn't go totally back to square one on PAWS but I did lose some of my gains I had made through last years sobriety.

Oh well.... Live and learn

The one thing I'm thankful for is I don't have the "craving" of having a drink like I hear most do. From what my Doc says my body just does not tolerate it well. (Obviously)