armaviva

alright so i get off probation in a little less than a month. its exciting but its making me kind of nervous too. i hate to admit that there have been instances where the urge hit and the only thing that kept me from drinking was fear of being caught, because i am still subject to random screening. all my charges were alcohol related. if i did drink, and get caught, i have a suspended sentence of 178 days so more than likely, if not definitely-im not sure how it works, i would be locked up for six months. it's a pretty strong deterrent for me. so im just worried..what might happen when that fear is gone. it is certainly NOT the only reason for my decision to be sober but the drinking tickets, seemingly ENDLESS court dates, jail time, all of that was definitely a big push for me in that direction. now im 21 years old and legal (as soon as i get off probation) to drink so... it's just a change, i've been on probation the entire time i've been sober, and im unsure how im going to react to it. it may be a little foolish, but its been on my mind, so any input is appreciated.

Dime

The majority of alcoholics cannot stay sober on their own. I was one of them. I got help and engaged a program of recovery and have stayed sober since. I would recommend you use all the sobriety tools that are available.

Alcoholism is a beast!

armaviva

oh you don't even know how many times i've said those exact words.
i am looking into programs..just not sure its for me :/

Kjell

Hi Armaviva-

For me, drinking is not a possibility, probation or not. Why don't you think any of the many programs are for you?

Rimmy

If drinking has already creeped into your life and caused problems... It's likely to cause problems again. And even if they are not legal problems, the longer you drink, the harder it gets to have a choice of quitting... you just battle the decision over and over until you hit your bottom.

least

I'm sober today for a lot of reasons. The first one is I like my life so much better sober. The second one is that I am scared to death to find out how much lower I might sink and if I might not be able to recover from 'the next one'. Only way to not hit my bottom, whatever that might be, is to not drink. So I don't drink.

I'm long past 21. You have your whole life ahead of you. I hope you don't let alcohol screw it up.

armaviva

by no means am i saying that once probation is over drinking is going to be an option for me. its not, at all, i dont want it, legal problems or not. im just saying...the legal problems were always a reinforcement.

i just dont think i would feel comfortable in a recovery program

Dee74

What is your plan then, armaviva?

D

Boleo

That is how most of us started out. It took many relapses for me to realize the recovery program was the easier, softer way.

CarolD

Here is a list of various programs....you may not be
aware of the variety....

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...resources.html

Stay active with us....you will meet members who are
successfully sober without a specific program.
....I'm not one of them....I do find AA
an awesome adventure in living sober.

Toronto68

Armaviva, I'm glad you want to talk about it at least, since you don't feel comfortable with the idea of being in a recovery program. I think I understand why you would be fearful once the restrictions and deterrents aren't there anymore. During this time that you have not been drinking, have thoughts come to you about what is good about not having alcohol? Do you want to stay away from it?

Toronto68

Oops, I forgot that you said you don't want it when I wrote my post.

armaviva

Toronto-yes i've thought about it. i've also been thinking about alllll the reasons i quit in the first place and all the consequences from alcohol- the consequences i've had already and that i could have if i were to drink again. its the only thing i can think to do!! thanks for understanding. it's just that the probation and possible BAT tests at any time....its always been there since i quit drinking, even since i started attempting to quit i think except one time. it's just going to be a huge difference to me!! i dont have that standby anymore-- telling myself that if i drink ill go to jail!! thats been like my last resort forever. like all the sudden im going to have the freedom to drink (in the legal way, i mean) and i just have to choose not to and rely on my willpower whenever i get the urge to drink. which i know, a recovery program could help with, but i dont like the idea of it.

Recovery1983

In reading your posts, I sense a resistance to join any program. You are 21 years old and young. Being that i'm 27, I'm not much older than you but what I would give to travel back in time and tell myself where I was heading. In my opinion, your willpower WILL NOT be enough to keep you from drinking. I think your alcoholic mind is telling you that you can do this without a program. This disease is much stronger than you give it credit. I have this disease too and it really is cunning and baffling. Hopefully reading these boards will give you a spiritual awakening and you will get into a program. Otherwise, you might learn the hard way through hitting bottom after bottom.