Relationships Surviving Sobriety
Go ask the Multivax
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 2,481
Oh, I'll also add.
I don't care how sick someone is. They are not entitled to be an @sshole. My STBX had awful reumatoid arthritis. He was a true chithead. I told him, ya know, I know people who were on chemo less miserable. And I do too.
I don't care how sick someone is. They are not entitled to be an @sshole. My STBX had awful reumatoid arthritis. He was a true chithead. I told him, ya know, I know people who were on chemo less miserable. And I do too.
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Originally Posted by loveon2legs 
....is he a drinker??
Thanks for the kind words
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Originally Posted by Southbound
What is an STBX?
And Alzerin, that was my entire point in my last post.
And Alzerin, that was my entire point in my last post.
Go ask the Multivax
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 2,481
^
Exactly.
What drew me to your posts was that in the first one when you spoke of your boyfriend, it was regarding how you are now as opposed to how you were while drinking. Ya became more Bit#hy after getting sober. Our self esteem is low, low while drinking. When we gain some confidence, we see how we are treated and how we have been treated. Then we get ANGRY.
Welcome to codependency. It's common among people involved with sick people. We get completely entangled.
What we have to learn is our new personal responsibility now in recovery to find the middle way. Codependency recovery has helped me immensly.
Exactly.
What drew me to your posts was that in the first one when you spoke of your boyfriend, it was regarding how you are now as opposed to how you were while drinking. Ya became more Bit#hy after getting sober. Our self esteem is low, low while drinking. When we gain some confidence, we see how we are treated and how we have been treated. Then we get ANGRY.
Welcome to codependency. It's common among people involved with sick people. We get completely entangled.
What we have to learn is our new personal responsibility now in recovery to find the middle way. Codependency recovery has helped me immensly.
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Sacramento, California
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Originally Posted by Alizerin
When we gain some confidence, we see how we are treated and how we have been treated. Then we get ANGRY.
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Sacramento, California
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I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia almost 7 years ago. It is, by far, the most misunderstood disease that there is. We are not all violent, most of us are just very scared. It just disturbed me to see that Sacks was taking her frustrations with life out on her physically, mentally, and emotionally handicapped boyfriend, especially when there was no indication of him ever mistreating her.
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No physical or emotional abuse, but there are lots of personality differences that I now notice that aren't agreeing with me. Doing a half assed job cleaning because he feels he can get away with it (in his defense, I was not very clean myself when I was drinking). Smoking inside despite repeatedly being asked not to (his house too, but if you're going to smoke inside, at least tell me to f*ck off instead of repeatedly telling me you won't). Not seeming all that interested in anything that's going on with me. Rarely wanting to do much besides smoking pot, sitting in front of the internet or playing video games.
These things are personality differences, for the most part. Before I didn't care about any this crap because all I wanted to do was sit around and drink. He could be dirty and I would be too. I didn't want to have a life because drinking was more important. He didn't have to seem interested in my daily life because I would drown all of that out with drinking. Now I want a life...and I want him to be a part of it! Instead I find that I'm basically fending for myself and it's painful. I'm sure that some (most) of my lashing out has to do with that.
The "old" me is coming back, for better or worse. I hope we can make things work because I do love him and believe he loves me. He's a good person and it's unfortunate that how I really am (sans alcohol) is different than who he fell in love with, but what can you do? Either I keep up with being sober or I go back to drinking. I'll stick with not drinking
These things are personality differences, for the most part. Before I didn't care about any this crap because all I wanted to do was sit around and drink. He could be dirty and I would be too. I didn't want to have a life because drinking was more important. He didn't have to seem interested in my daily life because I would drown all of that out with drinking. Now I want a life...and I want him to be a part of it! Instead I find that I'm basically fending for myself and it's painful. I'm sure that some (most) of my lashing out has to do with that.
The "old" me is coming back, for better or worse. I hope we can make things work because I do love him and believe he loves me. He's a good person and it's unfortunate that how I really am (sans alcohol) is different than who he fell in love with, but what can you do? Either I keep up with being sober or I go back to drinking. I'll stick with not drinking
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Join Date: Apr 2008
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"it's unfortunate that how I really am (sans alcohol) is different than who he fell in love with, but what can you do?"
<smile> yer too new to tell who you are! Trust me, you'll end up being a much better person once the crazies drain out. And they will.
<smile> yer too new to tell who you are! Trust me, you'll end up being a much better person once the crazies drain out. And they will.
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Originally Posted by Southbound
I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia almost 7 years ago. It is, by far, the most misunderstood disease that there is. We are not all violent, most of us are just very scared. It just disturbed me to see that Sacks was taking her frustrations with life out on her physically, mentally, and emotionally handicapped boyfriend, especially when there was no indication of him ever mistreating her.
My boyfriend can't help his schizophrenia or physical handicapp. I cannot help the fact that I turned out to be an alcoholic. When he has an episode, goes to the hospital, or I find him in the bathtub trying to kill himself, I deal with it because it's part of his disease. I don't tell him to GET IT TOGETHER, because I know he can't help it. When I'm moody sometimes, he should deal with it because it's part of my disease/recovery. For christs sake...I'm only human. I am not perfect (nor do I want to be) and should not be expected to because of his issues.
You make it sound like I'm constantly berating him and that is NOT the case.
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My intent was not to make it sound like you constantly berate him. I don't know either of you, or either of your situations, other than what you have posted. I am sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel like that, Fuzzy.
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It's okay. Sorry I was getting angry. I can't expect anyone on here to really know me or my situation with my bf because, like you said, you only know what I've posted.
All I really know is that I've been wrong to him (and others) lately and I want to fix it. That sums it up nicely
Friends? :P
All I really know is that I've been wrong to him (and others) lately and I want to fix it. That sums it up nicely
Friends? :P
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