armaviva

ya.. wedding reception last night. had five drinks which is a ton for me. im a tiny girl & i dont have much tolerance, but what is weird to me is i didnt even really feel drunk until the end of the night. i had a cigarette & all of a sudden it just hit me. i realize more than ever that i still just dont have what it takes to even be around alcohol. cant say no to it i guess. i feel so ashamed & guilty & i regret it so much. im really mad at myself. i feel like shhhh!t right now in so many ways. i hate that drinking is a problem for me &that it interferes with my life like that. i wanted to be there with family & friends. i should have just went home & i guess thats what i have to do from now on. just stay away if alcohol is involved. its sad to me.
sorry im knd of just rambling. i dont know what to do now.......
i hope this is my first & last post like this

least

Forgive yourself, learn from it, start over.

armaviva

ill remember that

Mark75

The time will come where you can be with family and friends whether or not they are drinking. However, you have to get recovered first.

You can get recovered, ya know... What are you doing to get there?

Mark

armaviva

the time will come i know... i thought after 2yrs it should be here but i guess i really jumped the gun. only thing im doing right now is reaching out for support from my family & reading these forums. im not sure what i need to do... i've heard AA alot but i dont know. i guess that i think since i managed to stay sober for so long on my own i dont really need it. i could be totally wrong though........... whoknows
i dont really know much about it

Mark75

"It" doesn't have to be AA... However, if you want a life that is free of alcohol and the compulsion to drink it... AND.... be able to do anything you want and to be with whomever you want... a program of recovery will allow that and more!

Taking5

Don't you think you owe it to yourself to at least learn some more about AA yet? You can learn a ton right here. In fact if you have been relying on these forums for support, you would've already learned a lot about AA. I don't think you are availing yourself of everything SR has to offer.

CarolD

The more support you use.....the better ...IMO
I've celebrated many events and stayed sober.

Was this the only time in 2 years you were
around drinkers and alcohol?
Why do you think you decided to have a drink?

I'm kinda like you....1 drink and keep going.
Ergo......no first drink for me ever....

yeahgr8

If you don't want this to happen again then it might be worth checking out AA, i wouldn't have before i got into the rooms though i would have dusted myself off and off we go again for another indefinite period of time dry, avoiding alcohol like the plague and then another excuse and drunk again...what an awful way to have to live!

armaviva

actually i had been around alcohol & had no problem earlier on in my sobriety. it was awhile ago so i didnt even think about it. for the last year and a half or so i've been really stressed out & avoiding it as much as possible because i guess i knew i was vulnerable or whatever.....plus it was getting worse & worse to be around it. im not sure why i had that first drink!! i didnt think about it much- i should have been telling myself no but it was just impulsive. and i didnt really think about it for the rest of the night either. stupid.........

murrill

I've known quite a few people drink after being abstinent for about two years. I just seems to be a point where a decision is made to stick with recovery or not. I don't really know what happens--complacency, boredom, fear---but the fortunate ones come back. I am of the opinion that a relapse occurs well before a person actually takes the drink. In my own case I was pretty immersed in AA, so drinking simply was not on my list of possibilities. Same when I quit smoking: I was deeply involved in an on-line support group, and when the stress came my first response was to go to my group. I have heard a program of recovery, AA for example, referred to as something like a savings account: When the slippery moments arrive (and they will) people who are active in a program already have an account on which to draw.
For me it has always been AA, though I think some other mutual support programs have things to offer as well. AA was not about not drinking. Rather, it was about living sober, about acquiring the tools that make drinking non-essential. I had never learned those things in the first place, which is probably why alcohol was so attractive to me. Today it simply isn't an option.

Lenina

armaviva,

I was like you, I would embarrass or scare myself and stop drinking for long periods of time. Like you, it was sometimes years before I would have "an event." I learned it isn't about how often I drank, or much, it was about how it affected me when I did.

And I am here to tell you, it is progressive. Every time I started drinking again, it wasn't like where I left off. It was worse. Learn what you can about alcoholism from the people who know about best, those who have an active program of recovery. Our stories are basically the same.

I wish you well and hope you'll stick around!

Love,

Lenina

armaviva

thanks everyone.....alot of the things i've read on this thread really hit me. im staying sober, day 3