relapse
 

After not having a drink for 45 days (longest since I was about 15 - im now 30) I decided to celebrate St. Patrick's Day this weekend. I drank all day and night - beer after beer, shot after shot until I blacked out. I don't remember anything. I am so upset with myself. My problem is that I am a binge drinker. This has been a cycle for me since I decided to try to quit about 6 months ago. I will go about 5 weeks or so and not have a drink and then one night I just can't say no to a happy hour or party invite and I go out and binge and black out. Then I will be good for a few more weeks and then another black out night. I just can't stop. Any one else been here? If so, how did you stop for good??

thanks for reading.

First, quit saying you just can't stop; that is a lie. You CAN stop. You just have to be willing to do whatever it takes. Have you tried AA, in-patient rehab, outpatient rehab, Counseling, Smart Recovery, or Celebrate Recovery? There are many programs out there for those who really do want to stop drinking.

thanks for your reply. I am in counseling now - I see a addiction therapist at least 1 day a week, sometimes twice.

That's good, but it's obviously not enough. What else are you willing to do?

I used to be a weekend warrior until, the weekend turned into every day but Wed. :(

I had to distance myself from people that drink. The easiest way I found to do that was to go to AA. We still party without drinking :)

There comes a time in our recovery when the only thing standing between us and the first drink is our higher power........

Hello-

I'm sorry you relapsed. I've been there many times since I got serious in Sept 09. I'd get 30 days, drink. I'd get 40 days, drink. One of those times I drank I actually got a dui. I'm a true alcoholic.

You've got to be willing to do whatever it takes. Now I've only got 70something days and I only have that b/c I've totally immersed myself in recovery (AA and outpatient therapy). In AA, I have a sponsor, I chair meetings, I work the steps, and I pray to a HP of my understanding.

I truly believe the same person will drink again and I'm working on changing who I am. I don't want my old life back - I want a new one.

I hope you're willing and when you're not, pray (or try harder) to be willing.

Let us know how we can help.

Kjell

I go to AA and do it a day at a time thats how I stopped for good.

thanks everyone for the responses. I think i need to figure out if sobriety is really what I want and decide whether I am willing to do whatever it takes to achieve that.

I certainly hope whatever you decide brings
you health and joy LL.....:hug:

AA here too.in the end i just couldnt stop at all,and the periods before that had been few and far between.
at the begining of last year i got an honest desire to get off the treadmill and was willing to go to any lengths (12 steps)
so far it hasworked and my life has changed beyond recognition.
why not try a few different meetings and see what you think?
go with an open mind and you will be just fine.

:leans head on desk: sigh, I know the feeling of relapse... I feel like I'm in an abyss right now. :sigh:

Yeah i used to do that, did it for a long time...would go out then 'lock myself away' for a few weeks then another night and so on for ages...of course this will drive you a bit nuts, it has to when you think about it...with the mind trying to rationalise desperately why we can't just stop something that is clearly bad for us...cut a long story short at 38 i got into AA and that works...nothing else did...

I wouldn't have gone to AA and done what was necessary when i was 30, you must be kidding, took a while to get there...amazing looking back at it now! Good luck in whatever you choose...

Been there done that and got the T-shirt...and could go right back to it. Just have too want to stay sober man. St.Pattys day is "just a day of the week" so why drink? and trust me this is coming from a guy who's Mom's madien name is Murphy!lol So I have Irish blood all through my body. But no need to drink on SPD. if you already knocked a few back a few days ago then alright, just put that behind ya and start new. Come here to Sr and hang out with us on St Pattys day, we're not that boring:c031:

Steve

Kjell wrote: Thanks Kjell for that good observation!

Hi Legaleagle,

I think you're right about needing to make a decision to stop or not stop drinking. As long as you continue to believe that it's an option, it's going to make it really hard to recover. I hope that you find peace with your choice.

I had to really take drinking completely off the table. And had to promise my husband that I would NOT drink again. That's not to say I didn't have the urge, oh yes, I get the urge, but I had to kind of fall back on my decision to just not do it no matter what. And then deal with the consequences of that, vs. the consequences of drinking again.

Prior to really committing to it, I played all the mind games with myself...Well, tonight I'll be good, I'll watch myself, whatever. And it never worked. Someone else said it really well...it's 'easy' to quit when in the back of your mind you have the comfort of knowing you'll drink again at some point. It's harder when you quit for real. The only person who can prevent you from taking that first drink is you. It's not easy - but it's easier than being controlled by and obsessed with alcohol.

Thanks Humble, needed that!

thanks everyone - you've given me some things to think about. HUmble - your post really is making me think! :) THe good news is that I haven't drank since Saturday - skipped St. Patrick's Day and happy hour invitations all week, which was extremely hard because we are having great weather in PA right now and i LOVE to drink outside!