Would you have said something?....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 23
Would you have said something?....
Last week I was in my group (alcohol recovery) meeting with the other five folks who showed up.
It's private therapy.
And the room just reeked of alcohol.
Very strong.
About halfway through the hour, the woman to my right admitted that she had relapsed and was "having two or three shots of vodka at night to help me sleep."
Vodka happens to be my poison of choice and there is no way she could have smelled that strongly of alcohol late in the afternoon after having a couple drinks the night before.
Plus her eyes were red and she was acting tipsy.
Talking too loud and rambling.
All of us in the group just pretended not to notice and gave her encouragement and advice on getting through a relapse with going completely in a ditch.
The therapist also said nothing.
But it was obvious she had come to the group right after drinking.
My fear was that if somebody had called her on this it might have embarassed her so much she might not come back.
I wish her all the best in the world.
Oh, and she did not show up for yesterday's meeting.
It's private therapy.
And the room just reeked of alcohol.
Very strong.
About halfway through the hour, the woman to my right admitted that she had relapsed and was "having two or three shots of vodka at night to help me sleep."
Vodka happens to be my poison of choice and there is no way she could have smelled that strongly of alcohol late in the afternoon after having a couple drinks the night before.
Plus her eyes were red and she was acting tipsy.
Talking too loud and rambling.
All of us in the group just pretended not to notice and gave her encouragement and advice on getting through a relapse with going completely in a ditch.
The therapist also said nothing.
But it was obvious she had come to the group right after drinking.
My fear was that if somebody had called her on this it might have embarassed her so much she might not come back.
I wish her all the best in the world.
Oh, and she did not show up for yesterday's meeting.
Heathen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 2,567
If I said anything to anyone, it would have likely been the therapist, if it was causing ME issues with MY recovery and I needed some support around that.. Likely the therapist might be working with her privately and it's being addressed. I know when I used to go to AA, lots of the people there would always be drunk, and I never understood why it wasn't addressed, until I was asked "how do you know it's not being addressed?" We're alcoholics, it's what we do. She's obviously not done.. it's her business I suppose. I hope she's getting the help she needs.. take care of you.
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
SInce I'm not clear if this was an 'official' AA meeting,
I'm going to just ES&H from what I've experienced in AA meetings.
If the person is disruptive,
or rambles and is obviously drunk....
they are often escorted out of the room by a few old timers
and they talk to the person outside the spave of the AA meeting.
If it's not too bad, then,
after the meeting
they will be met by several 'old timers'
who will talk to them about their conduct
and what is appropriate for Alcoholics Anonymous
as understood through their Group Conscience.
Those talks,
are usually inclusive of the drunk person
being offered coffee and company to sober up
right then and there
and often included a place to stay
where' they're 'protected' from the temptation to just start right back in
drinking when they wake up.
If somone's 'aroma' is too strong for me
I move to another seat.
If I can't get away from the person's odor
I have been known to leave the meeting.
I am responsible for my own safety and well being.
I had to learn how to take hold of my courage
and be able to TELL the person they are offending me.
Abnd to do that -
i had to come to a place
where I believed I was worthy
of stating what I found intolerable.
That's very hard for me to do
and sometimes
it takes such a build up of energy
I wind up 'nuking' the person.
I'm not sure what the question is -
so I hope hearing how an AA group handles things way up in Montana
is of some help to you.
I'm going to just ES&H from what I've experienced in AA meetings.
If the person is disruptive,
or rambles and is obviously drunk....
they are often escorted out of the room by a few old timers
and they talk to the person outside the spave of the AA meeting.
If it's not too bad, then,
after the meeting
they will be met by several 'old timers'
who will talk to them about their conduct
and what is appropriate for Alcoholics Anonymous
as understood through their Group Conscience.
Those talks,
are usually inclusive of the drunk person
being offered coffee and company to sober up
right then and there
and often included a place to stay
where' they're 'protected' from the temptation to just start right back in
drinking when they wake up.
If somone's 'aroma' is too strong for me
I move to another seat.
If I can't get away from the person's odor
I have been known to leave the meeting.
I am responsible for my own safety and well being.
I had to learn how to take hold of my courage
and be able to TELL the person they are offending me.
Abnd to do that -
i had to come to a place
where I believed I was worthy
of stating what I found intolerable.
That's very hard for me to do
and sometimes
it takes such a build up of energy
I wind up 'nuking' the person.
I'm not sure what the question is -
so I hope hearing how an AA group handles things way up in Montana
is of some help to you.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hi again.....
Here is what I would have done....said nothing because
it was a private session and
I'm sure the therapist was also aware.
This is not an AA matter.
I certainly hope she will return and that you will benefit.
Good to see you...
Here is what I would have done....said nothing because
it was a private session and
The therapist also said nothing.
This is not an AA matter.
I certainly hope she will return and that you will benefit.
Good to see you...
Last edited by CarolD; 03-11-2010 at 03:59 PM.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 23
Thanks everyone.
No, this was not an AA meeting.
It is a private, for fee therapy group.
And of course she paid her money to be there (in advance) just like everybody else.
I guess I was just sort of shocked as this was the first time in the six months I've been going that anything like this happened.
No, this was not an AA meeting.
It is a private, for fee therapy group.
And of course she paid her money to be there (in advance) just like everybody else.
I guess I was just sort of shocked as this was the first time in the six months I've been going that anything like this happened.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Hmmm well everybody will have different opinions on this, but the important question, for you, is how did it affect YOU? How did YOU feel? What do YOU think about it?
Me i would have found it mildly entertaining, thanked God i wasn't sitting there like that and said a little prayer for her and hope that she came back soon...
Me i would have found it mildly entertaining, thanked God i wasn't sitting there like that and said a little prayer for her and hope that she came back soon...
Retired Pro Drunk
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Saint Paul, MN
Posts: 901
The one thing I wish rehab would have better prepared me for was what to do when others relapse.
I can recall several occasions not too long after I and several peers (to whom I had grown pretty close) were released where someone relapsed and none of us knew what to do. We were at a total loss sometimes.
I had a conversion with a counselor there after some of these instances and asked why we weren't better prepared for this. He explained (in a nutshell) that we need to be most concerned with keeping ourselves sober and not so much everyone else. I got the impression too that this kind of thing (friends relapsing) all too often and the prospect of that happening isn't exactly a desirable topic for those who need to be focused on themselves for a while.
While I do think that it's good that you're thinking of your peers and how you can help, I learned that in early recovery my focus needed to be on me.
Had I been in that situation, I would have said something - that being the case now as I've been in recovery for at least a little while. Though had it been back when I was earlier in my recovery, I would have said nothing. I wouldn't have known what to say. And I don't mean that there is any right or wrong way - just me and what I might do.
I also suspect that the therapist was well aware and perhaps did not say anything because they wanted to see how you would react to the situation - just a guess...
I can recall several occasions not too long after I and several peers (to whom I had grown pretty close) were released where someone relapsed and none of us knew what to do. We were at a total loss sometimes.
I had a conversion with a counselor there after some of these instances and asked why we weren't better prepared for this. He explained (in a nutshell) that we need to be most concerned with keeping ourselves sober and not so much everyone else. I got the impression too that this kind of thing (friends relapsing) all too often and the prospect of that happening isn't exactly a desirable topic for those who need to be focused on themselves for a while.
While I do think that it's good that you're thinking of your peers and how you can help, I learned that in early recovery my focus needed to be on me.
Had I been in that situation, I would have said something - that being the case now as I've been in recovery for at least a little while. Though had it been back when I was earlier in my recovery, I would have said nothing. I wouldn't have known what to say. And I don't mean that there is any right or wrong way - just me and what I might do.
I also suspect that the therapist was well aware and perhaps did not say anything because they wanted to see how you would react to the situation - just a guess...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 23
Originally Posted by Alizerin 
The big question is. Did anyone stop her from driving home?
If for no reason other than if she got stopped there was no way she was not going to get a tour of the back seat of a police car.
But when the group broke up she remained behind to talk to the therapist and did not walk out to the parking lot with the rest of the herd like we always do.
Knowing the therapist as well as I do (7 months of individual and group) I would be astonished if he did not tell her she had no business getting in a car in the Atlanta afternoon rush.
That may be why she was a no show Wednesday.
Misplaced an unnecessary embarassment.
seeking recovery
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: NSW
Posts: 171
I had to learn how to take hold of my courage
and be able to TELL the person they are offending me.
And to do that -
i had to come to a place
where I believed I was worthy
of stating what I found intolerable.
thanks Barb!
and be able to TELL the person they are offending me.
And to do that -
i had to come to a place
where I believed I was worthy
of stating what I found intolerable.
thanks Barb!
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