spicedT84

Hello guys, this is a bit embarrassing because I've been on here in the past ranting about how great A.A. is and how brilliant XA Speakers is, but I've messed up big time.I hit the drink again really hard, I've been tanking 20 beers a day (not trying to act big) for the last month and my body is craving alcohol again, it's horrific, I forgot how bad the DT's were, my head is up my *****.My uncle, mum, dad and addiction worker all say I should check myself into hospital to detox safely and I'm sure you guys will all say the same thing, but I really do not want to go through that again, The last time was terrible, I was in a locked ward (incase you take a fit) and I was taking huge panic attacks because I couldn't get out, really claustrophobic and some of the folks in there were really nuts, it was scary! I'm very fortunate that I have a stash of 32 10mg chlordiazepoxide and 28 2mg Diazepam, I also have 2 boxes of Nestle Nutren Build-up (I can't eat it just comes back up) and I'm thinking of doing Detox at mum's house tomorrow, they all say I can't do it on my own because of my track record but I've really hit rock bottom this time and I think I can, I can't go on like this, I'm killing myself and have wrung all the fun out of drinking, it's just misery, I just sit and cry with a can of beer it's pathetic.

I was thinking of doing a 7 day Detox then get my lazy ass back to A.A.
I really don't think I can hack the hospital again.

What do you guys think?

Anyway sorry for going on and on, I just wanted to know what you guys think because I'm sure most of you will understand what I'm going through and where I'm coming from (I hope)

Peace and much love,

SpicedT

RobbyRobot

Your family and addiction worker have experience with you already, so please think on that. As for the being trapped feelings, the staff can and will support you on those issues if you have a serious anxiety around being on a locked ward. They are not gonna let you walk around free though; they'll support you through it, help you manage it, help you overcome the negatives and fears you have experienced already it seems, for a better outcome this time around.

i have been in such situations, and yeah, it gets scary and can get whacked out to be sure, but its not a vacation spa, its a hospital ward. Since you have already been there, you must have some serious conditions that require medical help if knowing how you feel from that, you are still getting advice to detox again in a medical ward. I'm sure the people helping you are not unknowing of your fears?

I'm sorry you are faced with such challenges, Spiced. Be safe. Best wishes.

RR

Sudz No More

Spice, no chance of another Detox location? Maybe even an Emergency room for 24 hours? The main reason to have medical supervision as I am sure you know is to keep the withdrawal symptoms from becoming fatal. At home alone you will be have no way of knowing if your blood pressure becomes too high or low or any other number of complications without the proper monitoring.

If you had a dangerous DT the last time I would strongly suggest you seek medical help. Just try to find a place that isn't scary to you. Good Luck.

aqua4017

I second the ER idea. I've been to the hospital 4 times for detox and 3 times it was treated in the ER-they just gave me Ativan and made sure my vitals returned to normal and then sent me home with a few more Ativan for the rest of the detox. Generally I've found they don't want to admit you-just don't wait until you are in the middle of withdrawals because they prob will admit you because it's so dangerous.

Boleo

I picked up plenty of tricks&tips to help me get through the DT's with a minimum amount of suffering but all it did for me in the long-run was "Enable" me to drink a few years longer than death would have curbed. It would be best to read:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

spicedT84

Thank you guys for taking the time to absorb what I said and reply! I sincerely mean that!

I've had a 45 minute discussion with my mother and father and we've settled on a home detox programme on the basis that I don't **** up, if I do **** up then I've to go to hospital! the discussion was pretty intense.I've to get 20mg chlordiazepoxide every four hours, 2 mg diazepam every four hours, mum's going to take time off work to take my blood pressure every six hours, I've to drink a multivitamin drink every six hours and take 2 vitamin b and 100mg thiamine every four hours! My mother has been kind enough to make a bed for me to stay for 7 days, god I love her, she means everything to me.

If anyone's interested I'll keep you posted on this, make a diary!

Wish me luck cause I'll sure need it!

spicedT

Texasblind

If you're gonna do it at home at least you have the right meds. Not medical advice, but just my opinion, that's a lot of chlordiazepoxide. The last thing you want is a benzo kick.

CarolD

Since you have already decided what to do......
I hope your de tox goes smoothly.

Best to you and your parents ..

spicedT84

It's a reducing course that we've settled on, cutting down the librium and diazepam a pill a day, so I should be OK, thanks for the concern though :o)

spicedT84

(Typed in word so might be all over the place, sorry)

Really sorry to bother you folks but i need to get this off
my chest, I'm sure the folks that replied will say "told ya"

My wonderful detox plan was a nightmare, I'm a real
Alcoholic, was kidding myself on that this would work,
even on all that chlordiazepoxide 80mg a day and
diazepam 10mg a day in divided doses...
I was seeing black fog coming out the walls and
floor of the house, I could hear noises/voices in my
head (it sounded like being in the diner at school),
I was sweating so badly that the mattress was literally
soaking, I couldn't lie on it, cold and wet.Was getting
short sharp head pains, my heart was banging fast/hard,
stomach convulsing, head twitching/ticking ,
my back and shoulders felt like tiny insects were crawling
on me, foggy vision and memory loss, couldn't even tell my
mother what day or date it was etc etc etc,

So what did I do?, well after two days of HELL I threw
the towel in and begged my mother to get me beer,
not to get drunk, to get rid of the DT's, but now I'm
back @ square one (one drink lead to twenty in a matter
of days) . But now am facing getting evicted...AGAIN.
(can't pay the rent, every penny for booze) and guess what?

I'M GOING TO HOSPITAL Tomorrow for Detox @ 08:40,

You guys were right, I should have listened to you all
and went in the first place, especially CarolD, this is a very serious and
risky business, It ain't no joke, the DT's just got worse
everytime I detox, never better/easier.I'm actually surprised
I didn't take a stroke or heart attack.

Would anyone out there be kind enough to pray for me,
I'm begging you because I'm sh*ting myself, might
not make it (impending doom).

Thanks for all the great posts, especially the 'what to
expect' one, I love Rob B's and Rusty Zipper's posts,
that really is what happens when you give this poison up.

Peace to you all,

Wish me luck.

Spiced. (big sad face with DOOM written all over it)

citylights

Good decision to take care of yourself and handle this medically. You have all my prayers and the strength of the group here. You're doing the right thing.

Texasblind

Wow. Even with all those benzos you still went into full on DT's? Yeah, you seriously need medically supervised detox in the hospital.

spicedT84

Yes I know tell me about it (sad/scared face), I ended up taking librium and Valium in the mornings to 'sober up' and got a tolerance, double edged sword, big time!

Thanks for the posts.

Lionne

You made the right decision to go to the hospital for detox. Be honest about the meds if you have built upa tolerance, so that the medical staff can get you the adequate help you need. This can be the last time you will ever have to go through this. I wish you luck and that you get through detox safely, and that you will have a good plan for afterwards. Best wishes, and take care,
S.

Recovery1983

Wow!!! I really do wish the best for you and I will give you a silent prayer at my AA meeting today. I know you must be going through a hard time right now but reading your story of detoxing at home help remind me of a big reason why I shouldnt pick up again. I am 22 days since my last drink and I did the detox thing at home. I had the shakes, the cold sweats, the body aches, internal organs hurting, vomiting, and couldnt sleep. Even after the initial 2-3 days, I still woke up drenched in cold sweat. I remember there would be nights where I had to change my clothes 4 times because I kept getting drenched in sweat. Anyways, I just wanted to let you know that your post did me service by reminding me where I used to be. Thank you for posting and again, i wish you the best.

Hevyn

Spiced, you certainly have my prayers that you will get through this awful time. May you soon be greeting a brand new day, filled with hope - never to return to the hell you're coming out of. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow. Sending love your way.

spicedT84

"This can be the last time you will ever have to go through this. I wish you luck and that you get through detox safely, and that you will have a good plan for afterwards. Best wishes, and take care,"

That is the most beautiful and supportive thing anyone has ever said to me, everyone hates me at this point and time, thank you!

spicedT84

@ Recovery1983, Littlestranger and Hevyn, thanks for the support, it really means a LOT!

flutter

Just wanted to send my best wishes too.. I'm sure every one of us here has been given a bunch of 'i told you so's, so that isn't necessary or helpful. Check in when you can and try to work on a really strong aftercare plan so that you have tons of usupport to kick this thing for good this time!

Kerbcrawler

yes good luck spicedT,..Hope you come back brand new raring to go..With your new found sobriety..Must admit i must have been lucky, in avoiding the majors on this Dt thing, as over the 12 yr spell some seriuos sessions thrown in..And nothing like some of the life threatening traumas..Some seem to endure after very minimal sums of Alcohol..Do you think a lot of this can be accounted for the mentality of the Alcohol offender in question..As i think mentally we can often see mentally what we want to see...No doubt the physical side is as real and dangerous to underestimate...And not to act on the possibilitys of seizure/heart attacks etc would be crazy...Just a little surprised that so many here seemed to have been through the dreaded DT trauma...with very minimal amounts of overall alcohol Consumption... 3 rd day again here, after 2 blips in 23 days, the sat/sun thing being the killer...and times ive blown it...re,tooled up an ready to apply
a little different thinking and perspective to matters...As indeed time the cravings and possibly go through a whole tube of toothpaste..Brushin away my Demons..Ha..Here we go..