intention

Hi,

The point is you are actually learning something.

For my last year of drinking, everytime I spoke to my sponsor and confessed to yet another binge, she would say the same line "you will keep getting the same lesson until you learn it"

Day in, day out the lesson was the same. Eventually I did learn it and what I learned from that moment on that there were an abundance of other lessons to learn. The lessons still hurt because it is not easy to admit the I am full of pride and ego, but they don't hurt as much as the same lesson over and over which I never learned.

The point is that I am willing to learn the lessons as they come........this is the deal that I made with God. You take away my difficulties and so that I can be of better use to others, and that means I need to become a better person.

Every night I write in a book the heading - Lesson. Under it I list the lessons I have learned that day. It reminds me of my spiritual growth and that I am no longer getting the same lesson over and over..........

You're in the right place

Ceres

Oh, I'm soooo happy for you! I'm excited because you're moving along and this is EXACTLY how it's supposed to work. Your writing style and clarity is amazing compared to where you were.

I've got my EYE on you!

Recovery1983

I love seeing the responses from people on here. I do read every response on my threads but please dont be upset if I cant respond to all of them.

So I just got back from the noon AA meeting and again, I think that 90 minutes is 30 minutes too long but it's okay. A lot of people were sharing today but one thing that I picked up was from a guy who seemed to have been in the rooms before. He had 27 days of sobriety but the thing that stood out was the fact that he said, "I've done this before but those times, I sponsored myself." That really resonated in my head because that was exactly what I did. I would go in and I thought I knew everything so I didnt need a sponsor. In reality, I was trying to be my own sponsor.

CarolD

Joe.....

On the free literature rack in most meetings is
the official AA guideline ......

"Questions and Answers on Sponsorship"

It's also on the AA website.

I think it's very useful to read that before
looking for a sponsor.

All my best as you continue to move forward

Recovery1983

Hello Carol,

I actually already asked for a sponsor. He has given me instructions to call him every day. He doesnt even usually attend the meeting that I go to but just happened to drop by on Friday. I felt something while he was sharing so while he was pouring coffee, I asked him if I could have a chat with him outside after the meeting. This was all new territory for me because I have never had a sponsor. Like I said, I sponsored myself. After we met outside, things just worked out. Gave me some instructions and we exchanged numbers. I am 4/4 of meetings and days. 90/90 is my goal.

CarolD

Hmm....
That's a good start....now ....I still suggest
you read about what to expect from your
new sponsor/sponsee connection....

Astro

Sometimes I think so too, I go to two meetings a week that are 90 minutes, and my CR meeting sometimes runs as long as two hours, but I gotta remember.......I never had a problem drinking for 90 minutes or longer. No amount of time is too long to invest in something that saved my life and has blessed me with the life I have today.

And my thought about sponsors today: I found out a few hours ago that I'll be out of work on Friday. I'm freaking out, I'm scared ****less. I've been with the same company for 14 years, I thought I'd retire here. First I called my CR sponsor, then I called my AA sponsor, then I called an old sponsor.

Got the same d*mn answer from all three of them about "simple, but not easy" I have to continue to turn my will and life over to God, to trust and have faith in His plan.

Recovery1983

Carol- The old me would have acknowledged your advice but did it my way. As I reiterate, my way never worked so I will do what you say. Tomorrow after meeting, I will go to the pamphlet section and look for "what to expect from a sponsor." Thank you for the suggestion.

Astro- I'm sorry to hear about you losing your job. You are right about the drinking for 90 minutes or longer. I never had that problem. Plus, no one is holding a gun to my head to be in there. I'm in there because I need it and I'll do whatever it takes, even if i'm whining about it.

Ceres

I alway's thought it would be harder sorta for a man to get a sponsor than a woman. 'Cause alcoholics have huge ego's anyway - Men got all that testostrone (or whatever). I seem to think it's a bigger accomplishment for them.

My husband didn't KEEP one for more than a week. So, of course now he's my Soon-to-be-ex because he went back out.

Recovery1983

Alizerin- I know I have a big ego and a lot of pride but like I have said before, i've tried it my way. I'm just sick of not finding the answer. They say that you are supposed to get a sponsor so I guess i'm getting one. I mean, I have an idea of what the sponsor is for but if I think too much into it, I'll start to convince myself that since I know what the sponsor will say then why would I even need him. So the best thing for me is to not even think about it and that is what i'm doing.

Ceres

Yes! It was a compliment to you, silly. :-)

Recovery1983

Ohhhhhh.. thank you for the compliment!

Recovery1983

Went to another noon meeting today. I'm trying to pick up one thing from each meeting. Today someone said "when you have been bad for a long time, you'll get a strong urge to be good, however, when you have been good for a long time, you'll also get a strong urge to be good." This really hit me because that is what happened when I was sober for several weeks. I love to workout at the gym and we all know that it gives you a natural high. Well.... when I combine 3-4 weeks of working out and not drinking, I get an extreme urge to just be a little bad. Being that i'm an alcoholic, I dont know how to be just a little bad. I usually end up being super bad.

Ceres

<smile> Super Bad.

Don't know about you. But when I say things like that it becomes a little more real yet, pounds it into my head, the whole sobriety thing - like a good half inch.

Recovery1983

Just came back from my 7/7 meeting. I'm glad to have made it 7 days and 7 meetings. Ummm... in meeting today, nothing really jumped out at me but maybe as the days go on, something will come to mind. I have yet to share at any of the meetings. I have a fear of speaking in front of people. Come to think about it, that was one of the main reasons why I drank at parties. I'm sure as I get more comfortable, I'll start to talk.

CarolD

I too strive to take something away from each meeting
Today....a member read Step 3 directly from our BB.

Caught my attention immediately because it
was not how I did Step 3.....

Ah well....I too have connected positively and
of course....that is the point of AA recovery.

Good to see you again joe....