barb dwyer

"Help! I'm an alcoholic - I'm in trouble with
(fill in the blank here - family/gf/bf/law/work/landlord/bills)
and I need help...
but I can't go to AA and I can't tell anyone!"

How many times, y'all?

I am certain
that the primary reason they say
they can't go to AA
has nothing to do with God.
They're not afraid of God.
No one is afraid of God
until they think they're about to meet him.

I think it has everything to do with
the truth.
The past.
And facing it.
We're more afraid of who we really are,
than we are afraid of a Supreme Being.

I know that it was for me.

THe thought of
finding my children
and facing up to my part in our big split
was greater a barrier
than meeting my Maker.

I was literally ready to die
and leave this bit of business
untended.

But over time-
working as HONEST a program as I am able
being thorough from the very start
and knowing -
I have another drink left in me
but I do NOT have another chance in this life.....

it's just a gut-level knowing.
Not a guess, or a belief or a suspicion
it's a flat- out fact ....
this is my last chance.....

By working the program suggested
in Alcoholics Anonymous
by letting others lead me
by folowing their example
(some very good)
(others 'dont let this happen to you')
(do NOT wind up like this hokey f*&$er)
and learning to be kind to myself
learning that I am a member of this rat race
and my opinion, my breathing, my life, my BEING HERE AT ALL
does not need an explanation, an apology, or even an excuse.....

when it was TIME for me to make that jump....
to speak the unspeakable
and jump into the unknown....

I heard the instruction.
I understood.
I could do what I was being led to do..
I was ready.

People shouldn't push to get these things done, IMO.
These major terror fear apology things
that push so many away from AA.
That's just more disrespecting ot the Self.
Or letting someone else set your own timetable.

When you do the Program,
GIVE to it the time energy and attention
you gave to your drinking and harming -
and focus everything you have no further
than today maybe sometimes tomorrow....
do it and do it and do it
until it's a habit not a drudgery...

you will learn to trust your Inner Gudance....
and the same can happen for you.
The same WILL happen for you.

I remember when I first came to recovery
I knew I'd never do this one thing.
I could do ALL the other suggestions
but this one thing
would be a black spot on my heart until my final day.

Shows how much we know when we get here!

Keep at it.
Keep going back.
Keep reading.
Keep trying.
Keep peeling the onion.

When it's time.
And not a moment before.

My prayers will be with you.

24hrsAday

Good Stuff barb.. it Took Me A Long Time To Get Honest And Serious About My Alcoholism.. Better Late Than Never!

yeahgr8

The very last thing i wanted to do was take a look at myself and the past...i had to go a loooong way down to be willing (desperate enough) to do that!

barb dwyer

It's NOPT a put down it's really not -

I'm TRYING to show that those people who come here saying that
are just like all the rest of us
who, in early recovery

swore up and down that we weren't like 'those people in AA'.

that's the thing.

I'm absolutely convinced it's the third,
fourth and tenth step
that runs people away.

They just don't have the courage to do it.

So they blame AA itself.

And that isn't ... what it IS.

KenL

Loved that.

For me it was breaking out of my comfort zone, being with others and admitting to them that I was an alcoholic. Pride has something to say about this as well. We all have it. You know, the "I'm better than that." sort of thing. You referred to that, Barb. Or it's just plain old denial. Some just don't want to surrender to what they know is true and instead they make excuses or play those mind games we alcoholics play.

The fact is that it's a huge leap to walk through that door the first time. It's downright terrifying to some, maybe most, if not all. It certainly was for me. But courage and belief got me there and for that I'm grateful. Grateful because there are some really wonderful people there who care and know what I know. They've been there and they understand.

So for anyone who is fearful and reading this. For anyone who is thinking they have a problem, don't wait too long. AA is a welcoming place and a safe place to be.

Thanks

least

Good point!