FuzzyFatSacks

I've been lurking for a week and on this lonely Saturday night I thought it a good time to introduce myself. Today is my seventh day without drinking.

Not drinking started as a test to myself to see if I could go dry for a month and also because drinking has made me pack on some lbs over the years and I want them gone! For years I've internally questioned the amount I drank, but always made excuses because I'm in my 20s and that's what people in their 20s do, right? All of my friends are drinkers and I certainly didn't want to be the weirdo with a problem. I didn't want to be left out. Besides that, I always (usually) got up in the mornings to go to work and was usually responsible and very independent. My twisted mind told me that "real" alcoholics were the people that drank all day every day and who couldn't hold down jobs, etc. D-e-n-i-a-l!

Even thought deep down I knew I was an alcoholic, it has been a VERY difficult thing for me to admit to myself. What finally made it clear is when I stopped drinking last Sunday, on Tuesday I started going through withdrawls. Crying over anything, night sweats, horrible dreams, very erratic moods, clammy constantly. These things don't happen to people that don't have a problem.

I'm not sure who I thought I was kidding. For the last several years I've drank on average two bottles of wine a night; usually all by my lonesome. When I would go out to bars/clubs I would *always* get blackout drunk. Sure, I don't wake up in the morning and drink, but that amount of booze far exceeds being a social drinker.

So here I am! 29 years old and finally admitting to myself that I need to quit while I'm ahead because life has to be better than drinking myself ******** every evening. I'm frankly very afraid and keep thinking about what I'm going to do when my self imposed dry month is over. If I start to drink again I'm sure I'll eventually end up back to where I was before I quit this time, and I don't want that. I wish moderation were something I could manage, but I doubt that it is when it comes to alcohol. Moderation has never worked in the past and certainly a month dry won't change that.

Reading this forum has been helping me get through my days. You are all very inspiring and you give me hope!

Sneezy

Welcome to SR, Fuzzy, and congratulations on a full week of sobriety! Hope that you are over the worst of withdrawal and I also hope you will keep coming back. I have never been able to make moderating my drinking work and sobriety has been a much better path for me. Glad to see you here!

Dee74

Well done on your week

D

Stereosteveo

Grats FattyFuzzSacks! 7 days is a big hurdle.

FuzzyFatSacks

Thanks! I think the worst of the withdrawals is over. Hope so anyhow! Now it's time to learn how to deal with my feelings and life without alcohol. Ugh! Whoever said life isn't easy wasn't lying.

Stereosteveo

Are there any meetings near you?

CarolD

Glad you decided to share with us
Congratulations on your sober week.....

If you have not done so...please read this link
The information in the book was an eye opener for me

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

Welcome to our recovery community and to our Alcoholism Forum

Agent006

Hey Fuzzy! I guess we are in the same boat. I have been sober for two weeks now. The hard part for me is re-learning how to relax and have a good time without alcohol. I try to think back to my childhood, before I ever had my first drink. How was I able to watch a movie or listen to music without a beer next to me? I am going to have to literally re-learn how to live a certain aspect of my life. I know its possible, because I've done it before. But, for the past two weeks, it hasn't been easy.

FuzzyFatSacks

I haven't found an AA meeting near me yet, but am nervous about it. I'm atheist so the higher power thing throws me off. That said, the more I read on here the more I realize that my higher power can be pretty much whatever I want and it doesn't have to be "God." Besides the religious aspect, I suffer from social anxiety so the thought of going to a meeting with a room full of strangers freaks me out! Drinking was so awesome for social anxiety (grrr).

Thankfully, both my mother and boyfriend are super supportive and have told me that if/when I'm ready to go to a meeting they'll go with me to my first one. My mom has been in recovery for almost 20 years now so she's no stranger to AA.

I should probably get used to stepping outside of my comfort zone if I'm going to keep this sobriety thing up. AA would give me a good opportunity to make new friends that are sober because right now that's one thing I lack. Everyone I know drinks/drugs and I'm more isolated than ever. Glad I have my bf who barely drinks and his close friend who recently got out of a detox program for alcohol.

@ Carol - I'm going to buy a copy of that book. The more I educate myself the less I crave. Thank you!

@ Agent - Trying to think back to your childhood is a good idea. It is hard though. Since 14 I've been doing any number of drugs and/or drinking. We can do it though. Hang in there!!!

Fluffhead72

Fuzzy: You and I have a lot in common. A number of the things you've written could have been written by me (including the atheist thing)...the only difference is that I'm 8 years older than you...trust me: It doesn't get better as the years go by.

Best of luck on your journey.

FuzzyFatSacks

Thanks, Fluff. I have felt so alone for so many years and it's nice to know there are others that are like me and going through the same things. There is this nagging voice in the back of my head that keeps saying "you only have three weeks left until you can drink again!" but I'm going to do my best to not listen to it once my month clean is up. This week and some change without alcohol has sucked and I'd rather move on with my life than go through this over and over again. I'm trying to remain focused and positive despite my brain telling me to feel otherwise.

FuzzyFatSacks

And, Fluff, are you in AA? How do you like it?

Fluffhead72

No. I'm still finding the best path for me...but my experience tells me it's not AA. It helps a lot of people, but, it's not for me.

FuzzyFatSacks

I'm on day 11 and have had a consistent low grade headache for the past two days. My sleep has been okay for the past few nights (no night sweats or nightmares that I remember), but also the past few days I've had a really hard time getting out of bed in the morning. Almost as hard of a time as it is when you've got a bad hangover. Is this stuff normal?

Taking5

Sounds pretty normal to me. There is a sticky on PAWS - post acute withdrawal syndrome - that you should read. Being sober is awesome I shoulda done it years ago.

I travel a lot on business and one of my "adopted" home groups is in a very small town in the mountains of central VA, so I know there is likely an AA meeting or 2 close by if you want to check it out. Don't let the God thing bother you.

FuzzyFatSacks

Thanks, dgillz. I imagine there are tons of them where I am in VA. Just need to take that step...

fragrantrose

Dear Fuzzy,
Congratulations on your progress you will feel so much better as time passes!
I did the 30 day test and failed miserably as last night had an awful binge and feel so sick and ashamed but I am trying to see it as my "last hurrah" on my journey out of alcoholism.
I suppose I really had to convince myself before finally surrendering to an active program which now I have to do otherwise I Know I will drink again and it only has gotten WORSE

FuzzyFatSacks

Don't be ashamed! It doesn't sound like you failed to me; more so that you now know what you need to do to be happy/healthy in the long run. Jump back on the bandwagon and continue on your road to sobriety. Good luck

FuzzyFatSacks

Day 12 today. I am not feeling great mentally for the first time since last week. I can't focus and am feeling a little down in the dumps. I had night sweats again last night. Woke up with a heachache from hell, but four Aleve solved that problem. I understand this is all part of withdrawal, but I thought I was over this. Even though I know it will end at some point, I'm discouraged for some reason. Poop.

Fandy

You are on Day 12, most of the alcohol should be out of your system.....

Maybe what you are experiencing is NOT related to alcohol at all....take your temp? you might just be coming down with a bad BUG....did you have a flu shot? because you have headache, chills, (don't take 4 Alieve....only 2-3 per 24 hours) general maliase...

hey, people DO get sick from other things....and it is flu season, germs are everywhere.... make tea, eat light and rest...hope you feel better soon.