Due to a series of unfortunate events....
same planet...different world
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
Due to a series of unfortunate events....
... I lost contact with my own sons about ... 15? Years ago.
It's nobody's busniess the events leading to the split ...
but alcohol wasn't the core of it.
As everyone here knows - I tend to be
'little miss recovery' and have worked the program
of Alcoholics Anonymous to the best of my capacity.
Regardless of my reputation here, and in person,
no matter what continued to happen to me -
this one rift in my life
remained at all times in the back of my mind as the ONE thing
I was certain i would never ever be able to do.
And I know for a FACT that there's not one person
reading this that doesn't themselves have
that one thing...
that one thing in the backs of their minds as well.
it would not be until I took the tools learned in AA
And various medicine Societies and Teachers-35 years worth)
And used them to get to the base, the core
of my lifelong difficulties with relationships,
with substances...
... with my own personality and life Itself.
You here, at SoberRrecovery,
have contributed to this work in every way -
except the f2f way...
but - you've been there for me
when the people in my own local group turned away....
you've reached out across oceans
across time zones,
and across cultures to help me,
support me, and just let me know I'm okay-
for going on four years now.
There are no words or sentiment to accurately
reflect my unending gratitude and inspiration to everyone.
During all this -
All this growing and 'giving of advice'
and this receiving of advice as well...
I had that 'one big thing' .
That one thing, in the tenth step that looms
above and beyond all other things.
And for me,
that was the non contact with my sons.
I worked and prayed and worked
over NOT this -
but over repairing my personality to the degree
that I could unquestionably know
if to contact them now, so many years later,
would be the right thing to do -
or had too much time passed
and to contact them accomplish nothing more
than to open very old very deep wounds.
I went home the other night (two nights ago in fact)
after spending an inordinate amount of time here
and I 'heard ' it in my head in a clear, understandable way -
DO IT.
DO IT TONIGHT.
So I went on fb andlooked up both sons
stared at their pages for at least half an hour...
wrote a small not ... brief SIMPLE and to the point.
It took me forty five minutes to press 'send'.
But I did.
Cut to the chase -
We've been mailing almost constantly since.
All is not forgiven,
there's much work to be done...
but I'm in contact with my sons.
Through the Grace of God
and the Program of Alcoholics Anonymous
and the Love and support of my friends her on Soberrecovery....
I stared down the Jabberwokky.
Thank you for letting me share.
Thank you for helping me.
When I tell you that nothing will change
unless YOU change
I know what I'm talking about.
you taught me that.
It's nobody's busniess the events leading to the split ...
but alcohol wasn't the core of it.
As everyone here knows - I tend to be
'little miss recovery' and have worked the program
of Alcoholics Anonymous to the best of my capacity.
Regardless of my reputation here, and in person,
no matter what continued to happen to me -
this one rift in my life
remained at all times in the back of my mind as the ONE thing
I was certain i would never ever be able to do.
And I know for a FACT that there's not one person
reading this that doesn't themselves have
that one thing...
that one thing in the backs of their minds as well.
it would not be until I took the tools learned in AA
And various medicine Societies and Teachers-35 years worth)
And used them to get to the base, the core
of my lifelong difficulties with relationships,
with substances...
... with my own personality and life Itself.
You here, at SoberRrecovery,
have contributed to this work in every way -
except the f2f way...
but - you've been there for me
when the people in my own local group turned away....
you've reached out across oceans
across time zones,
and across cultures to help me,
support me, and just let me know I'm okay-
for going on four years now.
There are no words or sentiment to accurately
reflect my unending gratitude and inspiration to everyone.
During all this -
All this growing and 'giving of advice'
and this receiving of advice as well...
I had that 'one big thing' .
That one thing, in the tenth step that looms
above and beyond all other things.
And for me,
that was the non contact with my sons.
I worked and prayed and worked
over NOT this -
but over repairing my personality to the degree
that I could unquestionably know
if to contact them now, so many years later,
would be the right thing to do -
or had too much time passed
and to contact them accomplish nothing more
than to open very old very deep wounds.
I went home the other night (two nights ago in fact)
after spending an inordinate amount of time here
and I 'heard ' it in my head in a clear, understandable way -
DO IT.
DO IT TONIGHT.
So I went on fb andlooked up both sons
stared at their pages for at least half an hour...
wrote a small not ... brief SIMPLE and to the point.
It took me forty five minutes to press 'send'.
But I did.
Cut to the chase -
We've been mailing almost constantly since.
All is not forgiven,
there's much work to be done...
but I'm in contact with my sons.
Through the Grace of God
and the Program of Alcoholics Anonymous
and the Love and support of my friends her on Soberrecovery....
I stared down the Jabberwokky.
Thank you for letting me share.
Thank you for helping me.
When I tell you that nothing will change
unless YOU change
I know what I'm talking about.
you taught me that.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
baaaaaaaaaaaaaabs,
you just brought me tears of joy!
hopes and dreams, are real possibilities,
as long as we keep doing the next right thing,
believe, have faith, and trust!
oh how i love you!
you just brought me tears of joy!
hopes and dreams, are real possibilities,
as long as we keep doing the next right thing,
believe, have faith, and trust!
oh how i love you!
same planet...different world
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
One thing tho -
I've got to keep this ... handle-able.
Meaning -
There has been a rift between myself and the entire rest of two familys...
I do not want,nor do I feel compelled to contact... either.
only the two.
Only my sons.
I have the dicipline, and self-awareness now
to lay down a rule
and stick to it.
And that rule is
my world can only be SO big.
For me to function in it effectively.
I want neither their baggage,
nor their 'accompaniments'
(the stuff you have to put up with along with them)
Just my sons.
I'm not thinking abou t'later'
'later' doesn't exist.
NOW... exists.
I've got to keep this ... handle-able.
Meaning -
There has been a rift between myself and the entire rest of two familys...
I do not want,nor do I feel compelled to contact... either.
only the two.
Only my sons.
I have the dicipline, and self-awareness now
to lay down a rule
and stick to it.
And that rule is
my world can only be SO big.
For me to function in it effectively.
I want neither their baggage,
nor their 'accompaniments'
(the stuff you have to put up with along with them)
Just my sons.
I'm not thinking abou t'later'
'later' doesn't exist.
NOW... exists.
same planet...different world
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
I have to go now -
I'm off tonight
and my firend just came home sick
from the meetings ....
so I'm outa here before something jumps onto me
I do NOT need to be sick.
I'll be back at work on Friday.
I can't thank you all enough.
*blessings*
I'm off tonight
and my firend just came home sick
from the meetings ....
so I'm outa here before something jumps onto me
I do NOT need to be sick.
I'll be back at work on Friday.
I can't thank you all enough.
*blessings*
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: KC MO
Posts: 980
Congrats Barb
I bet they are really glad to hear from you.
Life really is so much better sober. It's amazing all the broken things that can be fixed.
And for me it's amazing that I'm not breaking things anymore, which makes it easier, because you don't have to fix things that aren't broken.<G>
Fred
I bet they are really glad to hear from you.
Life really is so much better sober. It's amazing all the broken things that can be fixed.
And for me it's amazing that I'm not breaking things anymore, which makes it easier, because you don't have to fix things that aren't broken.<G>
Fred
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
I'm not taking your groups inventory here but, most of the members in my home group will call me out when, I'm wrong. if, you're not getting that support at your home group, hope you can find another one.
My daughter and I had a riff and it cost me of not seeing my grand daughters for almost a year. Through the course of that year, I lost 3 relatives and a friend or two to cancer etc. Life is way to short to keep score. Extend an olive branch.
The Dash Movie
Crossing my fingers you two reconnect
My daughter and I had a riff and it cost me of not seeing my grand daughters for almost a year. Through the course of that year, I lost 3 relatives and a friend or two to cancer etc. Life is way to short to keep score. Extend an olive branch.
The Dash Movie
Crossing my fingers you two reconnect
thanks for sharing.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: NSW, Australia
Posts: 197
Oh God Barb I'm so happy & so excited for you! 
This is just the best news
I was so excited I didn't even read the whole post - I got part way through & scrolled straight to the bottom to see if there was going to be the happy ending I was hoping for!
I'm so happy for all of you I'm crying. This is just overwhelming.
I cannot imagine being whole if I wasn't in contact with my kids. I lost my first child at birth 22 years ago & I still feel the hole she left in my life.
Have to go - & read all your post this time
My very best wishes to all of you.
Love Helen, in Australia, who loves reading your posts & gets so much from them.
xoxox
This is just the best news
I was so excited I didn't even read the whole post - I got part way through & scrolled straight to the bottom to see if there was going to be the happy ending I was hoping for!
I'm so happy for all of you I'm crying. This is just overwhelming.
I cannot imagine being whole if I wasn't in contact with my kids. I lost my first child at birth 22 years ago & I still feel the hole she left in my life.
Have to go - & read all your post this time
My very best wishes to all of you.
Love Helen, in Australia, who loves reading your posts & gets so much from them.
xoxox
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 61
Barb,
Thank you for sharing your joyous news. Kudos to you for being proactive and deciding NOW what boundaries you have with regards to the families. It is *your* life, afterall, and your wellbeing is so important. Congratulations to experiencing life on a whole new level or restoration and love.
jc
Thank you for sharing your joyous news.
Kudos to you for being proactive and deciding NOW what boundaries you have with regards to the families. It is *your* life, afterall, and your wellbeing is so important. Congratulations to experiencing life on a whole new level or restoration and love.jc
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