tyler

I've been off and on sober for several months. I'd go longer and longer times between nights of binge drinking. Last time I went over a month before deciding it was a good idea to get hammered two weeks ago. I quit a 20 year old pot addiction a little over nine months ago, but continued with the drinking because I always viewed the pot as the major source of my problems, which is actually true. However, it's not the only source, and if I'm going to make it work, I don't think half way is going to do it.

In the past I've held on to the notion that I can drink socially and it wouldn't be a problem. Generally speaking it isn't, but it plants that little seed in my head that makes me think I have no problem at all with alcohol, which is not true. When I started thinking about it, I started wondering why I care about drinking socially at all. For the most part I'm not an extremely social person, so it doesn't happen at very often, so why does it matter? The binge drinking is clearly a problem and it seems that the "social" drinking, if not a problem, is definately not helping the situation.

So after my last drunk, I decided, I was done with it. I've never really done that before. I quit pot hundereds of times, before I quit for real, but I never considered alcohol to be that big a problem. I knew I needed to stop the binging, but wanted to hang on to the social aspect. I now have come to the conclusion that is not really possible, and even if it were, not adviseable. So I'm done, I quit.

Tomorrow night I've been invited out to Texas Roadhouse for a going away party for one of my co-workers. It's $.99 Margarita night, fortunatly I hate Tequela, so that won't be a big temptation!! But I know it's going to be hard not to have just a couple of beers, maybe a shooter or two, etc. I've avoided going out with my co-workers in the past because I didn't want to deal with this, but I don't like feeling like an outsider. It's a younger group, and they party like "younger" people do, not necessarily out of control, but have a good time.

So tomorrow night will be a test of sorts for me. I'm not worried about going out on a crazy binge or anything, I have to be at work the next morning. But it is going to be hard not to just have that "social" drink. Some would say it's too soon to try something like this, but I have to make a stand at some point and let everyone know that I'm just not a drinker. I have had beers once before with some of the people, so they do know that I have drank before.

I kinda just wanted to "put it out there" so I can read it in the morning before I go to work and remind myself of what I really want. Even if I don't consider the social drinking to be a problem myself, my ex (who I am trying to patch things up with) feels it is. Of course that puts me back at the old "doing it for someone else, not myself" thing, which never works. I just don't know if I want it bad enough. The pot destroyed me, brought me to my knees, no doubt about it. I'd hate to go down that same road with alcohol. But that little voice is saying, "just this once won't really hurt". I don't know. I'm confused.

Dee74

I posted but lost it.

Short version - I listened to the little voice after giving up weed...and lost 15 years or so.

You know whats right for you, Tyler

D

Mark75

Texas Roadhouse... Was there last night. They do put the alcohol out front... all he neon, music, specials... I like their steaks, but I hate the seasoning they put on them so I always ask the to hold it... and they taste fine... Oh yea... Soft Drinks... Soda, Tea, Lemonade... Free Refills!!

Actually, I don't like the restaurant all that much, but my wife does... And she never drinks alcohol when we go out to dinner.

Non-alcoholics, like my wife don't have any problem not drinking at places like that. Neither do I, anymore. I did at first... Tyler, if you don't have a problem with alcohol, this shouldn't be an issue... But maybe look at that social drinking thing a little closer. Your ex apparently thinks you should.

Let me ask you a question, and I may be way off base, and if so, please forgive me... So... Before you quit pot... If you had smoked a joint before this event would you have a problem avoiding the drinks?

Get the Ribeye... tasty.. Oh yea... cherry lime-aid.. oh no, that's right, you are from North Carolina... get the sweet tea...

Peace
Mark

Bamboozle

Do they still have those rolls with the cinnamon sweet spread?

Eat a bunch of food, drink a lot of soda, have a good time.

You probably don't have to announce that you're not a drinker. If someone pushes you, "no, I'm good" works fine.

crown86

Tyler

I hope you don't drink to "fit in"...if your mindF-King yourself about it so much it's not worth doing it...at this point if you do, your going to feel guilty ..so F-K it don't do it. I am pretty sure about this your co-workers truly wont be upset and fretting and wondering and losing sleep why Tyler didn't drink tonight...but if you drink, you will, I would venture to say.

Good Luck

tyler

Huh??!!

CarolD

Welcome to our Alcoholism Forum Ted....

I'm sure you were unaware,,,but as links are
not allowed in our signatures on SR.....
I removed those for you

Thanks for your thoughts about driving rules.
We do have SR members who drive....

CAPTAINZING2000

Let's break this down. The group you'll be with is a younger crowd. They like to party! You're trying to avoid this type behavior. Any chance your ex is going?

Ever think, that little voice is wanting your destruction?

Alcohol was my drug of choice simply bebause, it was always there. If, I was drinking and drugs were offered to me, I'd do the drugs as well. Good chance if, a line was offered me and I was trying not to drink, I'd end up drinking.

For my sobriety and sanity, I have to avoid people, places and things that, tempt me. That's not to say, I don't go to concerts, comedy clubs, sporting events and nice restaurants. My point for being there isn't focused on drinking.

Reading what you wrote, sounds to me like these guys will be putting the drinks away. Are you strong enough to have an exit stragedy planned should you be tempted? You mentioned being a binge drinker. I can relate to this. I didn't drink every day but, once I started, I wasn't able to stop.

DanielP

I read your post several times--I get the impression you want to test the social drinking theory, discover whether you can just stick to it, while at the same time you're full of doubt.

I spent twenty years on that fence and I'm still not free of giving the social drinking scene occasional consideration. I don't know that it ever entirely evaporates, where it NEVER enters your mind. But I know I can't trust myself. I know that two beers will turn the lights on in my alcohol-friendly brain that thinks ten more beers would be a good idea. It might not happen that first time, but it's guaranteed to happen at some point--that's the scary part, not knowing, once I open the mental "social drinking" cupboard, where or how it will end. It ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS turns out bad at some point. It's the one thing in life I know I can count on. If I drink, at some point things turn out badly.

What I really, really like today is knowing if I don't drink at all, I don't have to fear those "at some point" inevitabilities of drinking. I know I can go out tonight and not fear a hangover tomorrow, or the cops, or hurting someone I love. If instead I have just one social drink, I won't be able to tell you how the evening will end. Maybe I'll just have the one drink. Chances are that one drink will turn into a fifth, and ruin the next day until I can get enough alcohol in me to diminish the pain (and start again all-over).

In the end I find I can enjoy social situations sober even when others around me are drinking. I even feel a bit smug when someone is having a bit too much and becoming quite full of themselves. It makes easier for me to shine a little. That's not very high-brow thinking, but it helps.

Wolfchild

i used to think that i needed to put myself in harmful situations just to prove that my will was stronger than anything on the face of the earth. Even thought that i could make my problem go away by facing it head on and beating it down. For me, it usually wound up doing more harm than good. It wasn't until i was beaten down enough times by whatever i was trying to fight that i saw the attraction of acceptance & surrender. i don't debate the issue within myself anymore about being with people, being at places, or taking part in things which are not conducive to providing an atmosphere of genuine love and respect. In fact, i was told early on that if i didn't change my playmates, playthings, & playgrounds, i ran the chance of succombing to a destructive power greater than myself (AKA Alcoholism). My life is too precious and valuable than to try and light a match in a gasoline factory.

i hope you will talk this over with your sponsor and support group before venturing into the lions den once again.
Be safe and take care of yourself! Why not share about this at a meeting tonight?

tyler

Well, I drank, manageably (2 beers and a Jagerbomb over abut 4 hrs.), but I still caved from the peer presure. It just kinda pi$$es me off that I did it for someone else instead of for myself. The beers didn't taste particularly good (I would have rather had a coke to be honest) and I can't stand Jager, but it was one of my co-workers going away party, and he bought rounds.

I felt pretty good about not drinking most of the day, but when actually faced with it gave no fight whatsoever. Still need to work on this. I'm not going to let it bring me to a binge situation though. Anyway, that's what happened. Probably not a huge suprise to anyone. Take care.

Mark75

I don't know Tyler, something in that statement bothers me. I think you are justifying. WTF???... doing it for someone else! You could have been celebrating with a club soda and slice of lime and it wouldn't have made a difference to the celebrant.

Do you trust your own insight in this matter?

You are being transparent and honest. I'm not trying to beat up on you. Just giving you feedback, as assume you must want it, otherwise you wouldn't post what you are. Maybe my feedback and analysis are defective, IDK... But, I admire you willingness to put it all out there. I'm on your side, not alcohol's.

Peace
Mark

DanielP

It sounds pretty reckless, but it's your life. Sure, you'll dodge the bullet occasionally--what does it prove? The problem, as you've stated, isn't with social drinking, but the risk of drinking yourself off the rails, unpredictably. If you've concluded a random slip-up is acceptable it's your choice. Only you know the exact nature of what's at stake.

There are tons of "functioning" alcoholics, the maintenance drinkers who keep bars in the green and their social circles loose and liquid. I know plenty of wet-brains who've concluded they'd prefer to continue drinking. It's a slow death, and they seldom connect the dots between what's happening in their minds and bodies and their drinking. It's a muggy-headed existence, but they're just having a lovely time. Reliably each evening they unravel the same stories and justifications that got them through the evening before, their pals nodding knowingly as they toast each other's sagacity. In their hearts they're social drinkers, they'll tell you so themselves.

A true "social drinker" isn't sitting on a bar stool every night, or next to a fifth of booze in their TV room. They may have an occasional drink or two to help a friend celebrate. But I doubt you'd find them in an alcoholism forum, questioning their drinking habits.

keithj

Tyler,

Here's how I read the situation (not that you asked). Back in your first post, you made a decision to not drink at all. Not about binging or getting out of control, but a decision to not drink at all in that situation.

Then you failed to manage that decision. That's not a good or bad thing. I'm just trying to point out the truth (the facts of your situation).

The delusion I had in similar situation was that I changed my mind. I decided that it was OK to drink a few, even though I had promised no to. I had the delusion that peer pressure, boredom, anger, fear, special occasion, whatever was the reason I couldn't manage that decision. I could not differentiate the true from the false. In my heart, I fully believed my somewhat absurd reasons for drinking.

The real reason was, I had a mental obsession that I could not control.



What was really going on, was that I had lost the power of choice in drinking. Maybe you have and maybe you haven't. My brain made up all sorts of excuses and justifications and rationalizations of why it was OK that I didn't stick to my not drinking plan. The facts were, though, that I made a comittment and didn't keep it.

Toronto68

Tyler, I don't want you to feel bad about yourself.

I went further up the thread and found your thoughts about quitting and what kinds of challenges would be there along the way. You said you realized you actually did think you had a problem with drinking. Then after you did drink, you were ticked with yourself for "doing it for someone else." You also mentioned before the party that you needed to take a stand as a non-drinker in the face of groups where drinking goes on "normally" and then you did drink a small amount. And somebody was buying rounds and you didn't put up a fight and had some.

It seems like you do a lot of thinking, and you even made an effort to put something out there so you can track yourself. Once you got to the challenging scene at the roadhouse, you did have drinks even though you want it to stop. I am focusing not on the drink volume or the drinking here but on the wish inside of you. You didn't pick YOUR wish, which meant something valuable to you. In my opinion, you deserve to be able to play out your wishes both when alone and when in groups and following them through.

This is a situation that really got on my nerves recently in my own world. (I am on day 97 or so of sobriety.) I was offered drinks and explained why I couldn't have them and I got irritated by the "uneducated" responses. I didn't deal with coaxing, but I had to listen to comments about being hard on myself, as though my stopping was another manifestation of it. I wanted to throw things around the next day. It made me wish I had not told the truth and just gotten creative witht he reason. What was going on inside me was the conflict I can face when hearing others' perception and commentary about me, and I was dissatisfied with the outcome, no matter how insightful they are as thinkers generally and no matter how smart I supposedly am. I didn't give in because I know I can't drink like them. (They are kind of problematic as drinkers and appear more reckless than I do, but I am still different from them because alcohol controls me more than it does them, and I am the one who suffers from addiction.)

In a way, you and I were in similar contexts, and not just because of alcohol and the obvious "will I drink" question. It's about self-recognition and sticking with it when we know it is what we need.

If you don't want to drink because you say you have a problem, I support you in that. Many, many people do. If you really want to stop, then you will make it happen, and you are the boss of that. A recovering alcoholic with years and years more experience than you or me would never say anyone but you is the ultimate boss on your quitting needs.

Zencat

I've learned not to speak in absolutes, especially with regards to my treatment program. 'Just For Today' I will practice my personalized addiction treatment program the best of my ability. With an intention to do that, I know that no matter what happens I have done my best. And when I have a set back, I simply review my program, my actions and see where I need to make changes. For me, learning to live a wholesome life is a skill that I acquire...and as I acquired greater skillful living through learning...life on the whole has gotten increasingly amicable.

I'm still a work in progress too . 'Progress not perfection', keep going forward in your addiction treatment buddy.

tyler

Just wanted to say thanks for all of your comments. They are appreciated and, as always, give me something to chew on. I don't come here for pity or praise, but to get other's takes on a situation so I can process that information and hopefully grow from the experience. Thanks again to you all. Take care.