Why am I deluding myself, please help.
 

Hi All,

I am in a crisis, I know I am deluding myself, but I am finding it hard. I thought I had the alcohol beat but I am back to the situation we are all to aware of, that is. checking how much we have left every night. Just enough to get blind drunk.......

I have bipolar and recently spent a month in hospital following a suicide attempt and now I am out I am drinking heavily. Can you guys please help and maybe offer some words to help?

Hi Soberscot,
You are not alone. Millions of men and women suffer from bipolar, alcoholism and depression. Millions also survive. Coming here is a good idea for support. Seeking help is the best thing you can do. Your doctor, a local hospitial, AA, are all good places to go to get help.

If you have the disease of alcoholism, denial and delusion are par for the course. A medical detox is a very good idea for any alcoholic who is drinking. Your doctor can help you.

I was a daily black out drinker. By the grace of God, I got sober. The good news is things can get better; you can recover. Please see a doctor. Please continue to seek help.
chip

Hi soberscot

Welcome back to SR :)

I looked back - you've been here in this situation a few times, mate. How's your liver now?

I know you've tried AA in the past...you didn't find it helpful...might it be time for another go, yeah?

Find a good meeting, find a sponsor...it sounds to me like you could use some face to face support right now.

I only recommend AA because it's so accessible...and it's saved a few of my friends lives. There are other recovery programmes available, like SMART, Life Ring etc

In any case I would see your GP, and the doctor treating you for BPD...it's beneficial to deal with both things bothering you, I think.

D

When i ran out of options i went to aa ..then embarked on completing the steps..

turns out it should have been the first option and it would have saved me a few years of torment.

im a great believer of ....alcoholism dont go away just because we stop drinking........i continued to be consumed by a mental obssesion and eventually drink again....over and over........and some.
if not aa.........what about the many other program of recovery?

you go to a professional for your bi-polar right?...because they know what there talking about...
so treat alcoholism the same........go somewhere where they know what their talking about......aa.......or another program.

try not to stop abrupty without seeing the doc.......
and take care.

I estimate 1/3 of my AA home group members are also being
scessfully treated for Bi-Polar Disorder with meds and counseling.
They are finding both that and AA immensley helpful....:yup:

Welcome back to SR....:wavey:

It might be very helpful to detox under medical supervision. Once you're thru the detox please look into long term help, such as AA or another program for recovery. Or even an out patient program. Or counseling with an addiction specialist. Just DO SOMETHING to help you stay soberl :grouphug:

You are beginning to see the light that delusional thinking has a LOT to do with the ism part of alcoholism. Perhaps now you are ready for the inventory part of 12th step work?

After I completed my 4th step I realized that there was more to not drinkin than not drinkin. I had far more delusions that I had ever imagined and it took sharing my short-comings with another person to get rid of some of them.

Hi. I'm bipolar also, and self medicated with alcohol for many years, like 30.
I've found that abstinance and the right medications have taken away the social and chronic anxiety, stabilized my moods and gotten me on track not to drink,

I drank to feel "normal'. I felt I HAD to drink. as my drinking progressed, I became an alcoholic. The hangovers became worse. I remember once hiding in the closet because the anxiety of the morning after a drunk was so bad. So, of course I drank more and more to qualm these symptoms. It was a viscious cycle.

I tried quiting hundreds of times. When I first got medication, I even drank on that and lied to my psychiatrist about it.

I now have 53 days sober and have never felt better. I'm giving the medication a chance to work. I'm going out for exercise, just baby steps like going for a walk. I'm talking to strangers and realizing they're not monsters going to bite my head off. The anxiety has almost lifted. I'm no longer suicidal.

Give not drinking a try. Many here use AA. I use my trust in a loving god and pray.
and I have the worst kind of bipolar, bipolar 1 with rapid cycling and an anxiety disorder.

If I can do it, you can, too. I know how easy it is to reach for that bottle to stop the depression, mania and feel "normal". But, there is a price to pay.

I was a heavy drinker, sometimes starting at 8 in the morning, binge drinker and just a plain drunk.

I feel so much more stable now.

Please ask for help somewhere, any where that will help you. AA works, if you work it. Tere are other programs.

I understand where you're coming from- I've been there. And if I can make it this far, so can you. And I hope you do.

Give abstinance a try, it may not be easy but it's freedom. And that freedom is worth going to any length to get. It just may save your life.

Best wishes,

Ghost

Thank you all for your kind words and wisdom. I am so in a cycle right now that I am finding hard to break. I know that it is up to me to break this cycle.

I often think back to my periods of abstinence and remember the solace I felt during these times. I felt secure knowing my actions were my own and that I need not wake worrying I had said or done the wrong thing.

Why is it that we continue to destroy our lives?

It's called "alcoholism", Scot, and most of us never recover. It isn't surprising that you are drinking (if you are an alcoholic), that's normal. Your sober times are the amazing part. Your case is described in the primary text, the "Big Book." Have you read the first 164 pages closely? Have you asked a member of AA to guide you through it? Check out Step One--alcoholism is a desperate and dangerous situation. Try out the Step Forum and give yourself a chance. You are worth it.