One month today, Still sensitive I guess..
Human
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: CT
Posts: 16
One month today, Still sensitive I guess..
I haven't been on here as much as I'd like to be. =/
Today I am One month sober.
I wanted it to be such a good day because I've been counting day by day, and trying so hard to work out stress and the crap in everyday life in a healthy way.
So 30 days is kind of a big day to me.
It hasn't been though. My boyfriend and his ex and the stupid drama between them that I get dragged into just makes everything so much less happy for me.
Not to mention that it makes me want to drink so much.
Even writing this is really hard. I'm sorry If my sentences seem kind of jumbly or If they don't make much sense. It's hard for some reason.
A lot of my positive coping skills are hard to do when I'm feeling stressed out, or when I need them most. It's hard to type, It's hard to hold a pen in my hand to write, Or to take good pictures, or to hold a paintbrush...It just feels so impossible at the times that I need them the most. I've been struggling with that problem for as long as I can remember.
I never had a problem with downing a bottle though, That's probably why my negative coping skills became the ones I turned to.
Anyways, I've been trying to write this for about 30 mins now, maybe more.
My point is, I'm now 30 days sober, and stressed out, but still proud of myself.
My mom doesn't want to see me much anymore, I only saw her once in the whole month that I've been sober. I feel like I really need her right now, But with her addiction and alcoholism, I think she feels like she doesnt know what to say or how to handle it. I'd like to think that maybe she just doesnt want to sabotage me in any way. So that's how I'm dealing with that.
I talked to her a little while ago on the phone. She was stressed and telling me about it all. I said I was sorry..and she said "It's okay, I'm about to have a few drinks so I'll be fine" ...I know it sounds stupid, but I felt like the wind was knocked out of me and I started crying uncontrollably. I had a panic attack after she said sorry and hung up. I feel bad for making her feel like a jerk, I couldn't help it though.
I think it was just because I've been so angry and so stressed today, and I wish I wasnt because It's supposed to be a good day, and All I want to do is drink to get away, and She used it in a sentence about relieving her stress and It hit me like a ton of bricks..Idk. I understand if no one wants to read all this. I know It's long. Just had to get it out. Thank you for giving me a place for it. <3
Today I am One month sober.
I wanted it to be such a good day because I've been counting day by day, and trying so hard to work out stress and the crap in everyday life in a healthy way.
So 30 days is kind of a big day to me.
It hasn't been though. My boyfriend and his ex and the stupid drama between them that I get dragged into just makes everything so much less happy for me.
Not to mention that it makes me want to drink so much.
Even writing this is really hard. I'm sorry If my sentences seem kind of jumbly or If they don't make much sense. It's hard for some reason.
A lot of my positive coping skills are hard to do when I'm feeling stressed out, or when I need them most. It's hard to type, It's hard to hold a pen in my hand to write, Or to take good pictures, or to hold a paintbrush...It just feels so impossible at the times that I need them the most. I've been struggling with that problem for as long as I can remember.
I never had a problem with downing a bottle though, That's probably why my negative coping skills became the ones I turned to.
Anyways, I've been trying to write this for about 30 mins now, maybe more.
My point is, I'm now 30 days sober, and stressed out, but still proud of myself.
My mom doesn't want to see me much anymore, I only saw her once in the whole month that I've been sober. I feel like I really need her right now, But with her addiction and alcoholism, I think she feels like she doesnt know what to say or how to handle it. I'd like to think that maybe she just doesnt want to sabotage me in any way. So that's how I'm dealing with that.
I talked to her a little while ago on the phone. She was stressed and telling me about it all. I said I was sorry..and she said "It's okay, I'm about to have a few drinks so I'll be fine" ...I know it sounds stupid, but I felt like the wind was knocked out of me and I started crying uncontrollably. I had a panic attack after she said sorry and hung up. I feel bad for making her feel like a jerk, I couldn't help it though.
I think it was just because I've been so angry and so stressed today, and I wish I wasnt because It's supposed to be a good day, and All I want to do is drink to get away, and She used it in a sentence about relieving her stress and It hit me like a ton of bricks..Idk. I understand if no one wants to read all this. I know It's long. Just had to get it out. Thank you for giving me a place for it. <3
FREAKING AWESOME!
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Paris KY
Posts: 255
Wow! Maybe your Mom will come around. Trust me, not everyone understands and if she is drinking to relieve her stress maybe she too has a problem?
Hang in there and don't drink. You've come this far and going back isn't worth it. I feel lately like my world is crashing in on me but I keep telling myself that I don't want to go back to that place. It gets better, keep your head up and focus on you, this is your time to be a little selfish to get yourself better.
Hang in there and don't drink. You've come this far and going back isn't worth it. I feel lately like my world is crashing in on me but I keep telling myself that I don't want to go back to that place. It gets better, keep your head up and focus on you, this is your time to be a little selfish to get yourself better.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 3
So my Mom and Wife believe I have a drinking problem, but I don't think I do. So I got on the internet to search for some answers and this website seemed helpful. He is my problem.
When we go out to drink, I tend to go over board and drink til I black out. This does not happen all the time, but it is not the first time it's happened. I just don't know how to cut myself off and then the next day I wake up not knowing what happened and my wife upset with me. When I was in college (which was about 3 yrs ago) this type of drinking would happen at least twice a month. But I don't ever go during the day feeling like I need a drink. I have gone over a month without a drink and have been fine. But when we go to parties, I just drink like there is no tomorrow and black out. This last incident when this happened, my friends and her friends felt like I did nothing wrong, but I wake up to my wife upset with me (which has happened before). I think what my problem is when we go out and I just drink beer I feel like it is not getting the job done for me. So then I start drinking whiskey and coke, then I start feeling good and everything is going fine but then I tend to black out. Sometimes I act ok, and sometimes I act like a fool.
But this past incident, my Mom got involved and she thinks I have a serious drinking problem because my wife informed he of all the past incidents including college. My Mom said that my Grandpa and her 3 brothers have had problems with alcohol, but as a kid being around it I never really noticed a problem. Now my Mom is afriad that the same thing is going to happen to me. I have a 5 month old son and I don't want this to happen to him and I don't ever want him to see me drunk. So maybe I do have a problem and I just don't realize it. I don't ever get craving to have a drink like some ppl I know. It just seems that when we go to parties or gatherings such as a wedding I drink too much. I know that there have been several times when ppl have asked me to get up and dance but I tell them no bc I am not drunk enough yet. But when I do get drunk enough I don't leave the dance floor (lol) and then later on not remembering what all happened. I don't know, I guess I am just looking for answers from ppl that dealt with this kind of thing.
Thanks
When we go out to drink, I tend to go over board and drink til I black out. This does not happen all the time, but it is not the first time it's happened. I just don't know how to cut myself off and then the next day I wake up not knowing what happened and my wife upset with me. When I was in college (which was about 3 yrs ago) this type of drinking would happen at least twice a month. But I don't ever go during the day feeling like I need a drink. I have gone over a month without a drink and have been fine. But when we go to parties, I just drink like there is no tomorrow and black out. This last incident when this happened, my friends and her friends felt like I did nothing wrong, but I wake up to my wife upset with me (which has happened before). I think what my problem is when we go out and I just drink beer I feel like it is not getting the job done for me. So then I start drinking whiskey and coke, then I start feeling good and everything is going fine but then I tend to black out. Sometimes I act ok, and sometimes I act like a fool.
But this past incident, my Mom got involved and she thinks I have a serious drinking problem because my wife informed he of all the past incidents including college. My Mom said that my Grandpa and her 3 brothers have had problems with alcohol, but as a kid being around it I never really noticed a problem. Now my Mom is afriad that the same thing is going to happen to me. I have a 5 month old son and I don't want this to happen to him and I don't ever want him to see me drunk. So maybe I do have a problem and I just don't realize it. I don't ever get craving to have a drink like some ppl I know. It just seems that when we go to parties or gatherings such as a wedding I drink too much. I know that there have been several times when ppl have asked me to get up and dance but I tell them no bc I am not drunk enough yet. But when I do get drunk enough I don't leave the dance floor (lol) and then later on not remembering what all happened. I don't know, I guess I am just looking for answers from ppl that dealt with this kind of thing.
Thanks
Human
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: CT
Posts: 16
Thank you.
And yes, My mom has been an alcoholic and a heavy drug addict since she was a teenager, I grew up around it, So yeah, she has a problem too.
And thank you, I need to hear that it gets easier, and that its worth it. Also Its nice to know it's okay to be selfish right now =)! thanks!
And yes, My mom has been an alcoholic and a heavy drug addict since she was a teenager, I grew up around it, So yeah, she has a problem too.
And thank you, I need to hear that it gets easier, and that its worth it. Also Its nice to know it's okay to be selfish right now =)! thanks!
Don't resist, allow
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: South East of England
Posts: 1,521
Hi and welcome to SR
It appears that your blackouts are getting more frequent. There are many alcoholics who don't drink every day but they binge drink when they drink and find it impossible to stop when they do. Blackouts are common for the alcoholic. As time goes on blackouts will happen more frequently and will happen sooner.
In blackout the brain is having problems processing the memory which is due to the damage that alcohol is having on the brain. Just before I gave up drinking I was blacking out at 2 glasses of wine but my behaviour in company at 2 glasses of wine was still normal.
Don't let the normal behaviour fool you. Blacking regularly is not normal and is indicative of a drink problem/alcholism.
Have you tried to give up drinking?
Originally Posted by PKTSiem 
When we go out to drink, I tend to go over board and drink til I black out. This does not happen all the time, but it is not the first time it's happened.
But when we go to parties, I just drink like there is no tomorrow and black out. This last incident when this happened, my friends and her friends felt like I did nothing wrong, but I wake up to my wife upset with me (which has happened before).
So then I start drinking whiskey and coke, then I start feeling good and everything is going fine but then I tend to black out. Sometimes I act ok, and sometimes I act like a fool.
In blackout the brain is having problems processing the memory which is due to the damage that alcohol is having on the brain. Just before I gave up drinking I was blacking out at 2 glasses of wine but my behaviour in company at 2 glasses of wine was still normal.
Don't let the normal behaviour fool you. Blacking regularly is not normal and is indicative of a drink problem/alcholism.
Have you tried to give up drinking?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
PKTSiem,
Here's AA's criteria. Decide for yourself.
Here's AA's criteria. Decide for yourself.
Originally Posted by AA BB 1st
If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking, you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic.
Human
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: CT
Posts: 16
thank you =)
Ive only been to one meeting so far,and my friend has elected herself as my official unofficial sponsor, haha. So Ive pretty much been doing this alone, with the love and support of friends. It's been hard, but I'm managing. Though I heard about this woman's group that my mom's friend goes to, so Im gonna look into that. I might feel more comfortable.
Ive only been to one meeting so far,and my friend has elected herself as my official unofficial sponsor, haha. So Ive pretty much been doing this alone, with the love and support of friends. It's been hard, but I'm managing. Though I heard about this woman's group that my mom's friend goes to, so Im gonna look into that. I might feel more comfortable.
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